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To worry that I won't have the time or resources to do all the things I want in life

(15 Posts)
TwentyOneGuns Sun 05-Jun-16 10:30:36

I had a very minor health thing yesterday which turned out to be nothing but it got me thinking... there are so many things I want to do with my life but as I get older it seems increasingly unlikely they'll ever actually happen. If I suddenly became ill I'd regret so much not having done more with my life but how practically can most of us do the things we really want?

I'd like to travel, live somewhere different, develop my own business - all the cliches I suppose - but in reality I'm tied to a job and responsibilities like most people.

We get one go at life and I feel like time's running out but how can I change anything? With a full time job and family responsibilities, just organising a few days away or a bit of decorating is a challenge!

I feel like I've wasted too much of my life already. I I haven't really as I have things to show for my 40-odd years here - own home, nice family, reasonably successful career - but I feel I should have done more, made better decisions, realised that this is my only life and prioritised what was important.

I don't think there's an answer to this really but do other people feel like this? I don't want yo look back at my life and think 'was that it?' But realistically I don't think it's in my power for it to be any different.

Janicejohn Sun 05-Jun-16 10:37:18

I've had my life in stages. The most tiring one was the stage with children and teenagers living at home, having a job and doing all the domestic jobs. Children are gone now and we've retired so it's time to crack on with some of the items on the wish list. How old are your children OP?

IrenetheQuaint Sun 05-Jun-16 10:39:15

I suspect everyone feels like this to some extent. However, if you prioritise one of the goals you mention you could probably get somewhere with that...?

TwentyOneGuns Sun 05-Jun-16 10:46:56

Ha that's telling JaniceJohn, that's just where I am now - teen DD, full time work, ageing parents and trying to fit in a life around it all.

Irene I run a business outside of my main job and am working hard to try and build that up but it's really hard with so many other demands on my time. You're right though, I do need to prioritise.

Janicejohn Sun 05-Jun-16 10:48:57

Aha! well there is light at the end of the teenager tunnel!

Leigh1980 Sun 05-Jun-16 11:00:22

Yes I had this for sure. In the end after reading tons on Aman I decided not to have a child as I feel this for me will be very life consuming and far too much responsibility. I moved back to my home country from ten years in the UK, as I even though I liked the UK, I spent most of the year ice cold and miserable (I have Raynaud's) so really suffer in the cold and the working hours there were far too long. I felt like I was missing out a lot as I'm more an outdoors person and felt constantly cooped up and always struggling. I felt like I stopped living so my DP and I moved back home and we stay in a cottage at his parents house. His mother cooks amazing food and we have a daily cleaner so we don't need to spend time doing chores. I also took time to choose a job I would really love and luckily I found my perfect job in two months! We have chosen to live our life instead of spending our lives slogging and we save a lot of money and eat out, spend the weekends on the beach and shopping and go on holiday as his parents have a lot of timeshare. It wasn't an easy choice as many people expect you to have a family and be responsible but for me I ended up choosing a different path from the norm but I feel so free and stopping my biological clock has given me overwhelming relief instead of thinking about when to have kids now there's no pressure. Obviously this is not possible for everyone for so many reasons but I looked at what I had, what I wanted and who I wanted to be and worked with that and am incredibly happy for the first time in years.

Leigh1980 Sun 05-Jun-16 11:00:47

Mumsnet not Aman lol

LaurieFairyCake Sun 05-Jun-16 11:16:59

It drives me crazy how quickly time goes by and I get frustrated at how many wonderful things there are to do and see. I feel I constantly want to learn things in a way I didn't when I was young.

The most annoying thing is that I can only do a few hours physical work without getting tired and needing the next day off. I hate the physical ageing thing.

Why can't we be young with all the energy and get to do things too grin

I have to practise a lot of mindfulness these days hmm

MysteriesOfTheOrganism Sun 05-Jun-16 11:21:54

Do a list of all the things you'd like to do or would like to have done.

Cross out any that belong to an old you but not to the present you.

Cross out any that are impossible (like wanting to be a pro musician but having no talent).

Prioritise the ones remaining.

Do them.

TwentyOneGuns Sun 05-Jun-16 12:07:16

That sounds amazing Leigh but for me, even though I may sound unsatisfied, having my beautiful DD is one of that things I'm most proud of in my life and I wouldn't swap her for any amount of travel and luxury.

In some ways it's her growing up that makes me feel sad and unfulfilled - she has her life ahead, mine feels like it's past it's best with not much to look forward to <sigh>

Pleased it's working out for you though, it's hard to turn your back on convention smile.

Leigh1980 Sun 05-Jun-16 12:23:58

Yes I think that I would feel the same if I had kids, especially if there was something you regretted in life and it would feel like my life has passed my child still had their life. It wasn't an easy decision as I always thought that I would have a child, although I wasn't every broody as such and I've only ever held a baby once! It is living a different life to the norm and people surprisingly get very arsey about it as they say we will never grow up etc. But I have an anxiety issue and my partner has bipolar which is well managed but I also couldn't imagine how difficult life could become trying to cope with a child and we didn't want to pass out mental health issues onto a child. So we discussed it and though my well let's live a different life and do everything we'd always wanted and live how we want. But I do still think sometimes how people judge me particularly on MN as I get slated a lot on here as I'm unconventional lol.

redexpat Sun 05-Jun-16 12:34:38

You need How to do everything and be happy by Peter Jones. You can skip the part about boxing day and go straight to now lists.

TwentyOneGuns Sun 05-Jun-16 18:12:50

Is that Peter Jones as in Dragon's Den? I'll look out for that, sounds good.

doesntmatterwhoyouare Sun 05-Jun-16 18:24:35

How old is your daughter could you look at taking a sabbatical in a few yrs and travel for a few months? Obv the details would depend on your budget but maybe you could rent out your house to help cover costs.
I'm a bit the opposite at the moment, quite content with that I've done and am doing, but i think it comes in waves so expect it will hit me when the kids ate teens.

TwentyOneGuns Sun 05-Jun-16 19:39:06

She's nearly 14 so yes there could be an option to do something different in a few years, guess it depends what she decides to do and how much funding from us that requires!

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