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Am I "that mum"?

(284 Posts)
pepsi001 Sun 05-Jun-16 09:14:31

I've waited a long time to meet a nice man to marry and have a baby. I'm 37 I thought this would never happen for me. I'm over the moon and of course my little girl is my pfb.

Lately I've become aware of a kind of reverse snobbery. All of a sudden I'm in the wrong for wanting nice things for my daughter. I'm buy lovely clothes from M&S and Boden and Next and she had a Sophie and I adore Mamas and Papas.

I don't go into debt. I buy things on sale and on special discount days. I don't really do second hand or hand me downs - not there's anything wrong with that and I never judge how other people want to spend their money or not, but I'm made to feel like a bad person because I don't want to do that and would rather buy new.

I aiming to keep everything nice and then sell on when not needed again to recoup the cost slightly.

Why this reverse snobbery to boast about how everything you have is cheap or second hand or hand me down and anyone who actually buys nice things is a bad person?


EatShitDerek Sun 05-Jun-16 09:16:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oysterbabe Sun 05-Jun-16 09:20:31

Who says buying nice things is bad? I only buy new and yet to meet anyone who gives a fuck.

pilates Sun 05-Jun-16 09:21:12

Just ignore, people get jealous.

Congratulations BTW.

Junosmum Sun 05-Jun-16 09:23:27

I've certainly not noticed that. Everything I have is second hand and I've been looked down on for that, even though it's through choice rather than necessity. I think when it comes to kids every one has an opinion and you are always wrong!

NavyAndWhite Sun 05-Jun-16 09:24:43

What's a Sophie??

RandyMagnum Sun 05-Jun-16 09:25:08

Four Yorkshiremen attitude, just as people will try to outdo each other on one end of the scale, there's people who will try outdo each other on the other end. Just ignore it.

OiWithThePoodlesAlready Sun 05-Jun-16 09:26:05

I think people don't see the point in buying expensive clothes for babies and children. Even on discount boden and mamas and papas are bloody pricey. My pfb had some nice clothes mixed in with hand me downs. With dd2 I don't see the point, she lives in hand me down babygros. She's comfy and happy so it works for us.

Who really cares though. We're all different.

SunRoute Sun 05-Jun-16 09:27:31


I never buy baby things 2nd hand and don't know anyone who does this in RL. I don't like the thought that someone else's baby has weed/pooed/dribbled/thrown up on them!

I waited until I was in a good position financially before having a baby. I love buying clothes and toys and get excited when the new ranges come out. Next, M&S, John Lewis, Toby Tiger etc all do lovely soft cotton clothes and they wash well, so I feel it's worth it. The Tesco things I bought fell apart after a few washes!

Philoslothy Sun 05-Jun-16 09:27:34

How do people know whether you have new or second hand clothes?

pepsi001 Sun 05-Jun-16 09:28:40

It was a "friend" who said it and also a family member makes comments about this type of thing in general.

I met friend for lunch when pregnant and was excitedly telling her what I'd got and about the baby bedroom. I previously had a miscarriage so this was a big step for me. She poured scorn all over what I'd been buying and how I was wasting my money and how she had never spent that. She said I would be hated and vilified at baby groups as one of "those mums" whatever that means.

Family member is someone who loves to bargain hunt and carboot. She often makes comments about how people are ridiculous to spend money etc etc. "Oh look at the boden mummies" and makes fun of people who feed their children healthy food!!

I've seen it on mumsnet threads whereby anyone who buys new or nice is scorned.

EatShitDerek Sun 05-Jun-16 09:29:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pepsi001 Sun 05-Jun-16 09:30:48

And I would never look down on anyone for their choices not do I feel jealous that other people spend more.

I chose to have a child - she's precious to me as I thought she'd never happen and I like dressing her nice and looking out for lovely toys etc. I feel absolutely lucky to have her.

Idliketobeabutterfly Sun 05-Jun-16 09:31:16

Your friend is an idiot.

ScarletForYa Sun 05-Jun-16 09:32:42

She sounds like an arsehole. One of those miserable people who takes pride in being tight.


ijustwannadance Sun 05-Jun-16 09:35:32

A 'sophie' is a rubber giraffe that looks like a dog toy.

YvaineStormhold Sun 05-Jun-16 09:37:19

Your friend is clearly jealous.

Anyone who speaks to you like that is not a friend.

Tell her to get to fuck and enjoy your lovely baby.

DixieNormas Sun 05-Jun-16 09:38:05

Sophie is a mamas and papas giraffe, think you can buy furniture and room decorations etc

Ignore op it's nothing to do with anyone else what you buy

SerenityReynolds Sun 05-Jun-16 09:38:10

Ignore, ignore, ignore. Each to their own. You can afford to do it and you want to, so that makes it nobody else's business. FWIW, I wouldn't spot a Boden top on a child at a toddler group anyway. Doubt many will and think you're "that mum"! Unless they've been checking out the website themselves! wink

Wdigin2this Sun 05-Jun-16 09:39:06

You've got a very jealous friend whatever the hell you want, and ignore all nasty comments!
And please tell me, what's a Sophie???

KayTee87 Sun 05-Jun-16 09:40:24

I've noticed this, I'm expecting my first and one friend in particular has been quite scornful about things I've bought. I've just completely stopped telling her things now.

Wdigin2this Sun 05-Jun-16 09:40:38

Oh yes, of course Sophie is a giraffe....not quite sure of its relevance to your first post though?

TheWeeBabySeamus1 Sun 05-Jun-16 09:42:05

Just ignore. FWIW if I hadn't been so skint when I was pregnant then I would've bought everything brand new. It's nice to be able to go and pick things you like, and there's nothing wrong with it.

SomedayMyPrinceWillCome Sun 05-Jun-16 09:42:09

They are being totally ridiculous, it's none of their business what your dress your child in.
Anyway, if you didn't buy all of the nice clothes brand new & look after them well & sell them on, where would people like me buy our good quality second hand children's clothes from? I mean that seriously, although it is obviously a lighthearted point too.

HeartsofOak Sun 05-Jun-16 09:43:11

But if you bought second-hand, cheaper stuff you could donate the money saved to, say, sponsor a child's education in a deprived country.

Then you are clothing your precious dd who doesn't give a hoot about what she wears and 'paying back' on the good fortune and gratitude you feel at having your dd. How lovely a thing would that be!!

Or you could put the difference away and save it for your dd's first car, or deposit on a flat etc. Kids get very expensive as they get older!

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