to be irritated by DH over this?(13 Posts)
I'm pregnant and have SPD. Doing anything hurts. Walking up stairs, turning over in bed, bending down, getting on and off the toilet, sitting at my desk at work... Horrible. Haven't had a full nights sleep in about two months.
I work full time and am a landlady to my old flat. The previous tenants trashed it and I have had to have it gutted and re-done. Did all the arranging, paid for it all and did cleaning and small jobs myself. The house we actually live in is consequently a pit as no time. He hates DIY and hates dealing with tradesmen. He will do those things but has to be pushed and I hate doing this to him.
Now I've asked my DH to take it over (new tenants moving in soon and we have a letting agent taking it on) and while he does help (driving, heavy lifting etc) I still do most of the arranging, worrying etc.
He say's he's tired. He's otherwise lovely, but AIBU to not actually care that he's 'tired'? He's acting like he's done a 12 hour shift down a mine. I've been doing what he's done for a week, for two years and I work longer hours.
YABU if he isn't interested in doing this. He is your husband, not your employee, and you should care that he's tired and not try to force him into doing what you want if he's not interested. However, you wouldn't be unreasonable if you decided you weren't interested in managing the flat anymore either. In this case, sell it so it doesn't trouble either of you. Maybe its just too much to be landlords, work full time and have a baby on the way.
Difficult one. He is helping with the physically onerous work and leaving you with the admin side, which technically shouldn't be a problem when pregnant.
Buuuuut... you are pregnant with SPD and I imagine you're absolutely shattered, so your OH should be doing everything possible to help.
Is there any reason why he hates dealing with tradesmen? Could you maybe share the load, and then he can take on more as he gets used to it?
Is it your house you want him to help with or the rented one? If it's the latter I would suggest you ask the letting agents to sort out any more work that needs to be done, and pay them to do so. You can claim the costs against tax.
If he doesn't do it, I have to and I'm a wreck. House sales don't happen over night. The mortgage on it needs to be paid in the mean time.
So what do I do? Leave the place to rot until it sells? The flat over the road has been on the market for a year....
I'm screwed, aren't I? Bankruptcy and a new born, woo....
It's the flat I need his help with. I can't make tenants wait.
I can probably get the house sorted during maternity leave when I'll hopefully feel better. Can probably also deal with the flat again. As long as our house is reasonable and safe by the time our baby is a toddler, we should be ok.
I don't think you're being unreasonable. He's tired, ok. Well you're tired too, you're growing a brand new human being for crying out loud. I wonder if he understand how you are feeling, physically and emotionally. It would be great if he could agree to take on some additional pressure to help you get through the remaining pregnancy and the difficult first few months. It's not obvious from your post if this is your first child? I thought I would be able to do soooo much when I got on maternity leave, and almost none of it happened. I was just too exhausted, and that's even with a baby who has been a great sleeper from pretty early on! Maybe I am just a very low-energy person I also know how hard it is having a baby when you live in a wreck (ours is an actual wreck, I'm talking no ceilings, bare stone/earth floors, no sink upstairs, holes in windows type disaster) and you will need to be very resiliant. My bit of advice would be to get a playpen, as big as you can fit in, because at least you can make a safe space amongst the chaos once baby is moving around. Ours has been a life saver, possibly literally. Good luck OP! Hope you feel better soon
Of course YANBU - you're growing a person inside you and you have SPD. Your DH will have to get used to being tired. My advice to him would be - that's life think on.
Oh and it shouldn't matter who owns the flat, whether it's just you, or the both of you. You're supposed to be in everything together.
Got to be honest. If dh asked me to sort out a rental flat Spring my work and other things. I would say no.
But I do think he could compromise and you both take some tasks on.
This is a tricky one because even if you did decide to sell it would take a while and that won't help you in the short term (I also imagine that would bring stresses of its own). Personally I see a relationship as give and take, you are a team and for physical reasons (growing a baby is hard work!) You need a little extra help. I don't thin you are being U to expect that. I think he should try and pick up the slack as he may not like dealing with tradesman and feel tired but you do not like having spd and feeling exhausted from pregnancy but you have to just get on with it. Once baby comes though I think you need to find a more permanent solution.
Would it be worth looking into paying a letting agent to manage it for a while if you are really struggling between you?
We've got a letting agent taking it on however, they do not do everything and that won't kick in until the tenants move in.
I'm in constant pain - was putting up curtains while in tears yesterday. Possibly be easier for me to move back in there and leave DH to sort out this shit hole. The flat is basically finished and I won't have to deal with tenants.
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