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To be furious with this mother

(295 Posts)
Angelsandmagnets Sat 04-Jun-16 16:27:04

DD (11) and her friend who is the same age went out into town today with friend's mother 'chaperoning' (basically meeting them in Costa halfway through).

I gave DD £20, which would seem appropriate for an 11 year old shopping trip. However DD became increasingly uncomfortable as her friend bought a very expensive pair of jeans and was pressuring DD into doing the same.

I may have been skeptical about this however when they met friend's mother in the coffee shop she seemed shocked that DD had so 'little money' and asked if 'she needed more since I didn't give her enough'.
Fast forward a few hours and I'm now not sure what to do. DD is very embarrassed (I seriously doubt she would make this up) and I am supposed to be going out with this mother for coffee tomorrow. Should I confront the issue or just drop it? Aibu to be completely puzzled and annoyed by this mother?

FasterThanASnakeAndAMongoose Sat 04-Jun-16 16:31:02

I think £20 is plenty! Even if the other mother thought it was tight (presumably she has some idea of your finances), she has no business undermining you like that to your dd.

I would have to say something. Let her know that your dd was upset.

branofthemist Sat 04-Jun-16 16:32:44

Mention it. Maybe the other mother thought they were going to buy clothes, like a shopping spree ? I am sure she was acting with good intentions.

Furious is a complete over reaction

Berthatydfil Sat 04-Jun-16 16:37:04

Oh gosh I wouldn't be happy giving an 11 year old more than £20 to go out shopping.
Apart from inappropriate spends wasted money buying crap there's the risk of losing it.
Just tell the mum you don't feel happy giving her more money plus you like to be with her to supervise pay for clothes buying

Angelsandmagnets Sat 04-Jun-16 16:38:15

I guess furious is a little ot bran. It just seemed rather offensive.

BYOSnowman Sat 04-Jun-16 16:38:36

Are you going to be expected to pay the mum back? Has your dd spent it on jeans?

pristinechristine Sat 04-Jun-16 16:39:55

£20 is more than enough for an 11yo going shopping. I think it's quite generous really! You can easily get a few bits in Primark with that. the mother overstepped the mark commenting

Angelsandmagnets Sat 04-Jun-16 16:41:55

DD took the money (but didn't spend it) and gave it back to the friend before she left. I'm not sure the mother knows of this.

BYOSnowman Sat 04-Jun-16 16:43:34

How much was it?

FeckinCrutches Sat 04-Jun-16 16:44:05

It was more than enough. How much did the other girl have? And where does an 11yo buy really expensive jeans? confused

Ilovewillow Sat 04-Jun-16 16:44:42

My children are littlies so no experience but £20 seems plenty for a couple of hours shopping.

LindyHemming Sat 04-Jun-16 16:47:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Angelsandmagnets Sat 04-Jun-16 16:47:30

The jeans were £40. I didn't at all assume 11 year olds bought this kind of thing but friend comes from a high income household and didn't seem fazed by the price according to DD.

RaspberryOverload Sat 04-Jun-16 16:48:51

£20 is certainly plenty for an 11 year old!

OP, I'd have thought it might be best to ignore the subject unless your friend brings it up, and then just calmly state that in your opinion it was plenty for your DD.

GiddyOnZackHunt Sat 04-Jun-16 16:49:06

I'd be checking that money has made it back to the mother. Could be awkward.

FeckinCrutches Sat 04-Jun-16 16:51:30

Oh god I thought you meant £100 or something!

HappiestMummyAlive Sat 04-Jun-16 16:51:32

I think I am the only person that is going to agree with the mother, £20 can't buy much these days especially when you are 11 years old, and £40 to spend on a pair of jeans is actually cheap.

Doinmummy Sat 04-Jun-16 16:52:04

I would make sure the mother knows your DD returned the money.

Angelsandmagnets Sat 04-Jun-16 16:53:37

I agree £40 is a good price for jeans but it was just a lighthearted shopping trip. I would be worried about my DD carrying so much money.

GeorgeTheThird Sat 04-Jun-16 16:55:31

We're a high income household. I think £20 is plenty!

Doinmummy Sat 04-Jun-16 16:55:55

I don't think £40 is cheap for a pair of jeans for an 11 year old ! Sounds like they were in somewhere like Topshop or Hollister.

If I'd given my DD any amount of money to spend at that age , it would have been spent on a load of rubbish !

cardibach Sat 04-Jun-16 16:55:56

Happiest really £40 cheap for children's jeans? Due to my height and size the best jeans for me are John Rocha (just the right shape). They are £40 full price and I try to avoid paying that by only purchasing in sales as I think it's a lot!

FeckinCrutches Sat 04-Jun-16 16:56:01

My 11yo has a debit card now which is much easier! I can put a spending limit on it per day.

calamityjam Sat 04-Jun-16 16:56:36

Ridiculous. Dd is in year 8 and I give her a tenner to go into town plus busfare. They all usually get some lunch then pop into Primark and buy bits of cheap jewelery or a cheap tshirt. If Dd wanted proper clothes then I would take herand I certainly wouldn't be spending forty quid on jeans for an 11 year old. I recently taught Ds (15) the benefits of buying cheap jeans at Primark, then having more money to spend on some good tops from Topman or River island. The way mine grow, they only wear them a few times as they spend most of their time in school uniform or sports gear.

Fairylea Sat 04-Jun-16 16:56:44

My dd is 13 and when she goes out she gets £20 if it's clothes shopping but if it's just Costa and a hang out she gets a tenner. Personally I don't trust my dd to have a lot of money to spend as she would buy stuff like crop tops and hot pants neither of which I'm happy for her to wear so if it's clothes she needs then I get them with her. £20 is more than enough for a shopping trip with a friend!

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