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To want to know if you are frequently lonely?

(17 Posts)
Perspectivegetter Sat 04-Jun-16 14:35:46

My life is generally good, I am mostly content and happy.

The one thing is I don't have a family of my own. Maybe one day hopefully. I do spend a lot of time alone. I have friends, who I consider very good friends, we have been there for each other a lot and had good fun in the past. As time moves on, they focus more on their husbands and wives and aren't free very often to socialize. I respect that partners come first.

I generally like my own company but I must admit I'm frequently a bit lonely, when it's been weeks with no social contact apart from a few texts and emails. I think a big part of it is I am an introvert, so I don't have the urge to go out a lot with new people. I only really enjoy spending my limited free time with people I know and love! Which of course is a catch 22 because all new friendships take a long time to develop. I guess I'm just wistfully thinking of old friends.

Anyway, that's me. What about everyone else? I read an article that said that loneliness is something we don't really talk about in our society, and when we do it's always elderly people cited, but that a lot of people are a bit lonely on a regular basis. There seems to be some shame attached to being lonely.

Are you ever lonely?

HoumousExpress Sat 04-Jun-16 15:12:43

Hi OP I get lonely at times, I'm not in paid employment as I look after two young children atm so I suppose a bit different to your situation. Pre children I got a bit lonely as I was an introvert too and didn't want to commit to weekly activities, sports etc so ended up spending a lot of time at home reading/watching tv or going shopping (alone). When I met my dp he was a similar character to me so I suppose we fitted well together in that way.

Would you want to join some clubs/classes etc to meet more people?

katemiddletonsnudeheels Sat 04-Jun-16 15:15:04

You sound like me. I think I understand - no matter how much you do, you always go home to an empty house flowers

Doinmummy Sat 04-Jun-16 15:17:46

I can go from Friday when I leave work to Sunday evening without speaking to any one , and I have a DD18 ! (She often stays at her mates house )

Ednamoda Sat 04-Jun-16 15:17:48

I'm sitting in my lovely garden and feel sad that I have no one to share my life with. I'm also an introvert and don't have close friends nearby. I also work from home so I don't always spend time with people at work. Sadly I've accepted my lot but it doesn't make it any less lonely.

bluesbaby Sat 04-Jun-16 15:17:59

I'm lonely all the time - and I'm 29! I have a job, friends, family, I go to the gym and have interests, I do leave the house, I have a boyfriend (who is largely absent), but I'm still lonely.

bluesbaby Sat 04-Jun-16 15:20:03

Although, about 60-70% of my time at work I'm completely alone (but do chat to customers on the phone - it's not quite the same).

scrumptiouscrumpets Sat 04-Jun-16 15:28:50

I spent about three years of my twenties feeling very lonely. I was in a relationship with the wrong man - not a bad relationship, he just wasn't Mr Right -, had just moved abroad and was struggling to make new friends. I like time on my own, but I need regular social interactions - meeting a friend or friends twice a week besides having social contacts through work, is about right to keep me happy. Less than that and I start feeling lonely. You sound as if you have much less social contacts so I'm not surprised you say you feel lonely.
I agree that loneliness in the young is a taboo, I certainly did my best to hide my loneliness and would never, ever have admitted to it. I was very ashamed of feeling lonely, it was like admitting that no one wanted to be my friend because I was a horrible person.
I think loneliness is actually quite a widespread feeling among young people. A lot of young people also might not realise that they are lonely due to demands from work and family. I found reading emily white's book ' lonely' very interesting, in case you are interested in learning more about the subject.

Perspectivegetter Sat 04-Jun-16 16:50:44

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me on this.

I must admit, it is hard to counter the voice that suggests there must be something wrong with me, because I don't have enough friends so am lonely. Even though logically I know there are other reasons.

FuckingFattyBitch Sat 04-Jun-16 16:56:52

Hi OP. I often get lonely. I'm a bit different to you though. I have a DP and 3 dc. But I don't live with dp and I don't have any friends. I'm not currently working (but I am phoning the college on Monday to discuss starting a new course) so it's just me and the dc most days. One is school age and the other two are very young (2 and 10 months)
I wish I had someone IRL that I could vent to about shit. I wish I had friends I could meet up with instead of being stuck in the house. But I don't so I make the best of it. Nothing more I can do is there really?

wobblywonderwoman Sat 04-Jun-16 17:01:05

Yes often

I am married But dh works long hours so don't see each other midweek. I work full time but they are not friends.

I find when I get close to friends they let you down or make stingy comments

Toddzoid Sat 04-Jun-16 17:09:08

I have three young children and I'm on my own with them. I get one day off a week when they go to their fathers. I only have one real friend but he works Friday and Saturday nights which is pretty much always when exH has the DC. If I'm not dating anyone or going on a first date I'm on my own in my only free time of the week. I go to the cinema by myself a lot, have gone drinking alone before now too.

I was in a really bad predicament where it was dragging me down a couple of months ago because I'd be sat with my only spare time in my bedroom watching a film, drinking wine and eating chocolate feeling sorry for myself. And this is the kind of thing I'd do when the DC were home so I wasn't getting out doing anything at all with my life. It's picked up since I started dating a new man, going well, we go places together etc.

However during the week when the DC have gone to bed I do get pangs of loneliness at times yes. Even though I'm like you and a total introvert who needs a week off after spending a whole day in the company of others grin, there are times when I just want someone there. I've cried about it a few times, especially if I've had a shit day and there's no adult to lean on. I get upset with small things like when I watch a really great movie and there's no one to share the 'experience' with iykwim. I just want someone to put my legs up on on the sofa and watch films with I guess, sigh...

Anyway yes I feel ya. It's not easy as an introvert. You're fine alone but when the loneliness hits there's barely anyone there and it's tough.

Floppityflop Sat 04-Jun-16 17:09:12

I am married, but don't have DC. Most of my friends do, so I no longer see them - they don't live near where I live or work either. Other friends are working in different places, including one who I know is also lonely day to day. DH has friends but they and their wives aren't really my friends although they're pleasant. I work really long hours and am not friendly with my colleagues because I have a long commute and can't socialise easily for that reason. I would love to join a WI but all these things are aimed at people who don't work outside the home or work part time. There is no socialising to be done on a weekend because everything centres around children and family (understandably). Also, when you get to a certain age and don't have children people view you with some suspicion, I find!

Jenjen86 Sat 04-Jun-16 17:22:43

I totally feel the loneliness Op. My boyfriend is currently in prison (long story) so I am raising our 4 month old baby by myself at the moment. As I'm on maternity leave I go most days and nights without seeing another adult. I can make many social plans as I can't afford a baby sitter and my friends and family live far away (about half hour drive for the closest ones). It's not all doom and gloom and my baby and dog keep me busy but just to have someone to sit and watch TV with. I also miss my boyfriend like crazy and being a FTM is scary by myself. A lot of my friends don't really understand how much my life has changed and only invite me to evening things but I need to have my DS in bed by 8pm or he cries and cries. Sorry about the woe is me post, it's been a tough few months since my boyfriend went away and I don't have many people to talk to

Floppityflop Sat 04-Jun-16 19:52:59

Apparently having a partner go to prison is one of the most stressful life events, JenJen flowers.

Jenjen86 Sat 04-Jun-16 23:12:44

Thank you floppityflop you are very kind. February was a bit of a killer month tbh, I had my baby boy which was the best day if my life, 10 days later I was rushed back to hospital with a haemorrhage and needed a blood transfusion and operatIon. I was released from hospital 5 days later on the day my boyfriends trial started then by the end of the next week he was in prison. He won't be coming home until Feb 2019. My whole world is a bit messed up at the moment and I miss him so much. My little boy is an angel and my absolute saviour but the next 3 years are stretching out in front of me. I'm also going to leave my job to go and work somewhere part time as I don't feel I can manage a stressful full time job plus being a single mum and making the hour and a half drive to prison every week to see him. So just lots if change and uncertainty and the person who would usually make it all feel ok isn't here. Wow I don't half go on I'm afraid, just having a bit of a feeling sorry for myself evening!

BoopTheSnoot Sun 05-Jun-16 01:00:53

I'm 26, married, two beautiful DS.
Husband works full time and is largely hands-off while at home. Not many of my friends have kids and aren't really interested since mine were born. You really do find out who your friends are when you have children IMO.
I am often lonely.
I think the worst type of loneliness is the type you feel when you aren't actually alone.

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