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Husband's new bank account

(53 Posts)
becrock22 Fri 03-Jun-16 12:02:18

My husband and I had a deal - if he sold his caravan, he could have some money from our mortgage and use the caravan money and mortgage money to buy a boat. He sold his caravan last week. Instead of putting the money into one of our joint accounts, he has opened a different account, at a different bank and put it there. It is only in his name. He didn't tell me about this, he only told me when I questioned where the money was.

I can't quite put my finger on why, but this has made me quite uncomfortable. I'm a bit mad at him! Makes me wonder if there is other money hidden somewhere etc. I have no reason to think this.

AIBU to think the money should be somewhere we can both 'see' and he shouldn't have bank accounts that I don't know about? (or am only told about when I ask specific questions).

PreciousVagine Fri 03-Jun-16 12:04:18

YABU and a bit controlling. He's an adult. It's his money. He can put it where he likes.

GreenishMe Fri 03-Jun-16 12:15:18

I don't think yabu - some of the money is from your joint mortgage....why wouldn't it be put in your joint bank account?

I'd be a little uncomfortable too.

AdrenalineFudge Fri 03-Jun-16 12:26:19

I'm on the fence with this one. Whilst I do think family money should be money all can see - if one partner was planning on leaving the other for reasons relating to abuse I'd fully support them keeping money separately to manage post break-up. But all things being equal I'd also question why he didn't act on his side of the deal.

miraclebabyplease Fri 03-Jun-16 12:27:11

My husband has his inheritence from his mum in an account in only his name. It was easier yo set up as we were both working so couldn't do a joint thing. I have no concerns. We did discuss it beforehand though.

AdrenalineFudge Fri 03-Jun-16 12:28:21

In short no I don't think YABU and I'd also wonder what else was going on. Too many people are left shocked and bereft when tables suddenly turn when there was no indicator of it doing so. That said, my ex was an abusive arse and had I not kept something of an escape fund I'd have been up shit creek without so much as a noodle stick.

miraclebabyplease Fri 03-Jun-16 12:28:27

It isn't part of the mortgage yet though.

becrock22 Fri 03-Jun-16 12:42:40

Thanks for your responses. I think I am BU, I just don't know why I feel ike this. Just to clarify a few things:

He hasn't withdrawn anything from the mortgage yet, that will happen when he finds a boat.

It is family money, which we have agreed he can spend on a boat. We have joint money so I think it is the thought of it being 'his' money gets to me, even though I'm happy for him to sepnd it. It is very strange that I am uncomfortable.

I think it would be better in our mortgage or another joint account, earning us interest. But if he had a reason for it being in a different account and had discussed it I would have been ok with it.

I was home when he left to deposit the cheque. I could have easily come and opened the account with him or whatever. I simply wasn't told that he was doing that.

There is no abuse of any shape or form in our marriage, no need for anyone to have an escape fund. I can see why you would do this if you were in that situation.

Helennn Fri 03-Jun-16 12:46:09

I take it you have an off-set mortgage or some such? I don't understand how the money is better off left in the mortgage earning you money. That's not how most mortgages work.

RedSoloCup Fri 03-Jun-16 12:46:38

I've got three accounts, DH has four accounts, none of them are joint, I still think about it all as 'our' money and we discuss any spending really over and above day to day (kids clubs, groceries, insurances, fuels)....

Onlyicanclean10 Fri 03-Jun-16 12:47:14

I think it's just wierd for married people to have separate bank accounts anyway. You share everything don't you?

Know lots will disagree and that's fine. Whatever suits.

However agree op it's a bit sneaky

branofthemist Fri 03-Jun-16 12:47:29

So it's money he is spending on a boat. And he has put it in its own account?

What's the problem?

I am all for open finances but this is when it gets ridiculous. You know he is spending that money on something for him. Why does it matter where the money.

You sound rather controlling

Pearlman Fri 03-Jun-16 12:52:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyMurphy Fri 03-Jun-16 12:54:54

I would be surprised actually, takes a bit of effort to open another account. particularly without mentioning it at all. Hopefully it is a free account? I don't think that it is necessarily an escape fund, but I am intrigued that he did all that without you knowing.

mrsfuzzy Fri 03-Jun-16 12:55:44

i would not share a joint bank account, to easy for partner to clear it out if things were going pear shaped and i wasn't aware of it, have been done over like this with ex husband and lost several grand as a result, mostly money i'd put into it. he had cleared it out two days before he told me he was moving out for another woman. left me broke with dc and no money what so ever.

Pinkheart5915 Fri 03-Jun-16 12:56:20

I don't see the problem.

We and dh have a joint account then we have a couple of accounts each just in our own names.

grumpysquash Fri 03-Jun-16 12:56:42

Maybe he put it there so he knows the exact amount and it isn't mixed in with money earmarked for other things, or savings. Then when he finds the boat, he will know exactly how much he needs to take from the mortgage money.
I have different 'pots' for different things. None of them are joint accounts, even though I share everything with DH.

KittySnow86 Fri 03-Jun-16 12:57:11

Maybe he just wanted it safe in a new account so it didn't get swallowed up with other outgoings?

pigsDOfly Fri 03-Jun-16 12:58:23

If it's his caravan that he's sold why do you have a problem with him opening an account for his money that he is going to spend on a boat.

If it's for a special purchase - the boat - to me it makes sense to keep it separate from general family money.

It doesn't sound as if he's trying to cheat you out of your share of anything and tbh the idea of you going along with him to open this special account makes him sound as if you view him a bit like a child that has to be supervised by a parent.

DaveCamoron Fri 03-Jun-16 12:58:24

I don't see the problem, it's money for him so why do you need to see it?

BoneyBackJefferson Fri 03-Jun-16 12:58:51

he maybe worried about the money being swallowed up for something else and is (fro want of a better word) protecting his part of the deal.

Hullygully Fri 03-Jun-16 13:02:32


scampimom Fri 03-Jun-16 13:02:53

Maybe he wants to have it completely separately so he knows exactly what is in there, and that nothing is going to come out for other things (direct debits or what have you) and he won't accidentally spend it on something like some groceries, as you could easily do if it was in with everything else.

I do the exact same thing.

becrock22 Fri 03-Jun-16 13:03:11

We can withdraw money from our mortgage if we are ahead on payments, which we are. But extra money that is in there, we don't pay interest on. So having the sale money in there would save us money on interest - much more money than interest would be earned in a different account.

Totally fine and understandable about having it somewhere else so it doesn't get mixed up. But why not say "Oh I thought I would put it in a different account?" or put it in the account that we no longer use? Why not just say?

Maybe I am controlling! I didn't think I was, but maybe I am.

IWILLgiveupsugar Fri 03-Jun-16 13:07:05

It would creep me out too. If that makes me controlling, so be it. If he had said he wanted to keep it separate so it didn't get swallowed up then that's one thing, but secretly opening a new account is weird and a bit underhand to me.

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