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AIBU to not know where to start?!

(6 Posts)
m0therhubbard Thu 02-Jun-16 21:58:15

Buckle up. This might turn into a bit of an essay...

My brother has 2 children with his ex wife. They have been separated for 3 years and divorced for 1. For the most part they have been on good terms. So far so rosy!
It came to light last year that her new fella who seemed nice enough turned out to have a bit of a dodgy past (understatement... he was arrested for flashing at a 12 yr old. on more than one occasion I believe.) but basically it transpired that my ex sil knew about this and kept it to herself until social services stepped in and told my Brother. Not great but she ended things with the fella. Social services continued to visit due to concerns they had about her ability to put the children first and the care they were receiving.

Ex has now moved in her new fella who also has 2 kids (she also has a child from a previous relationship in the house), his kids are also under social services for a different matter but essentially they are concerned about both parties abilities to care for their children in a manner expected of your average joe and now it has come to light that they have another baby on the way so that will be 1 teen, 2 school age, 2 under 5yrs old and a baby.

At the end of their last meeting it was suggested by a welfare officer from the kids school that it might be worth trying 50/50 residency.

My brother wants nothing more than to have his kids live with him full time but he has been told he must give their Mum a chance to make the changes she needs to to be a better parent. He isn't happy but he does accept that, he works full time and he would love for her to make those changes and to not have to worry about taking them "home" I am sure.

Ok so he is now tying himself up in knots trying to figure out how they move forward. I don't know how he will afford to do this 50/50 residency?! they are talking about having 1 week where the kids live with him and then 1 week at their mums.

His boss has been great so far but he usually starts work at 6 and does 12 hour shifts which clearly would be impossible if he is taking kids to school at 8:30. My daughter attends the same school so I am happy to help with afternoon pick up but it will still slice quite a chunk off his wages. Its about more than just money but I am worried about how this will pan out longterm.

Does anyone have any experience? He has tried calling the tax credits line but they didn't want to give him much info at all.

wheresthel1ght Thu 02-Jun-16 22:27:51

Is a childminder an option? He may have to apply for flexible working and risk taking the financial hit for the good of his kids. Under 50/50 he wouldn't be expected to pay maintenance which might help him out?

Under Sarah's law he can apply to the child protection team of his local police force for full disclosure of the new blokes history. They will almost certainly grant it.

In all honesty it depends on the info they give - flashing could have been as daft as having a wee in a bush and not realising the girl was there which in my books doesn't make him a paedophile or it could be as sinister as wanting to get a reaction and doing it on purpose.

m0therhubbard Thu 02-Jun-16 22:39:05

To clarify (sorry) the guy she is with now is not the flasher. She was told by social services in no uncertain terms that if she chose to stay with the flasher she would lose her kids.

I don't think he could afford a childminder to be honest. Thats why I offered to pick them up from school and have them until he would get home (earlier than usual) from work, I guess around 6pm so their evening routines didn't suffer too badly.

I feel like my brother is stuck really. He is desperate to be with his children but he is going to lose a lot of dosh - I am just hoping he will have enough to live on. Do you know if they are with him 50% of the time would their Mum still get all of the child benefit etc that she is claiming (she isn't in employment)

wheresthel1ght Thu 02-Jun-16 22:41:08

Child benefit would probably still go to her but he could apply to have it moved.

Does he work 5 days a week,m? If not could he arrange to work extra hours the week he doesn't have the kids and then work less on the week he does?

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant Thu 02-Jun-16 22:54:30

Does 50-50 have to be a week here then a week there?

My friend has his kids wed to sat.
They are with their mum sun-tues.

So they get weekend with both parents. And the parent who hasn't got them can work longer those days.

Also means one drops them at school and the other collects on Wed so they don't have to meet.

Look at how your brother could do something similar?

Even if he can have his kids for 3 days, he can work 4 longer days while they are with mum.

I think it will be easier working the same days each week.

RubbleBubble00 Thu 02-Jun-16 23:37:59

I think he won't have to pay maintenance going into 50/50 custody.

Id get him to push for a week split instead of week about. That way he'd only have to pay for childcare 2/3 days a wk

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