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AIBU.... to hope for a little kindness?

(69 Posts)
Eliza22 Thu 02-Jun-16 20:00:05

Situation: DS is 15 and has Aspergers. He has no friends. We are in the process of changing schools due to bullying. He is painfully shy and hugely socially awkward. He wants to be "normal" (his words) and "just fit in".

Recently, he has started to go down to the park. Takes his phone and keeps in touch with me regularly. Today, he kind of went off radar....not answering my texts and calls. It was only for ten mins but, I was starting to panic. Turns out, a group of 13 yr olds were having a go at him, took his phone, downloaded a picture of a lady in her undies and made it DS's screensaver. Then they wouldn't give his iPhone back to him. All passing it around. They were also eating biscuits and were crunching them up and shoving handfuls down ds's t shirt. Then, one boy put his hand down his (own) jeans and rubbed the hand on ds's face (????!!!!)

What the f**k is going on with kids these days? Why, when they see an obviously "different" kid, do they take the piss and abuse them, for fun?

Last year, something similar happened. The police were called. DS had his glasses broken and clothing torn. Police did nothing.

I'm at a loss. Why can't things be different for kids who are "different"? Is it too much to expect a little kindness?

Summerdays11 Thu 02-Jun-16 20:04:06

Your poor son and you sad I would call the police tbh hugs

Babymamamama Thu 02-Jun-16 20:06:39

Your poor ds and poor you. That is so unkind. Could you contact the youth service for your area or borough and ask if they have a youth group for children or young people with additional needs or Sen. Also ask them what the "local offer" is regarding adventure playgrounds etc which are supervised. I think the key is to have some trained staff around to keep an eye on him while he is having fun. Then you can brief them on his needs.

sugarapplelane Thu 02-Jun-16 20:07:41

Big hugs for you and your son. What an awful thing to happen. does your son know who the culprits are?

sepa Thu 02-Jun-16 20:08:35

Your poor son. I am at a loss with why they would act like this. They are not 4 years old so know exactly what they are doing!
I would also call the police. What these boys did is unacceptable and they shouldn't get away with it

mrsfuzzy Thu 02-Jun-16 20:11:09

sad aspect of society that such scum exists, no apologies for saying that, i feel so sorry for you and your lad. i would speak to your local pcso as there may have been other problems with these kids and keep talking to them, log any problems etc.. my eldest is an aspie and we had minor [ not as bad as yours] problems but got the pcso on board and got it sorted.

annabelcaramel Thu 02-Jun-16 20:11:11

For as long as sn children are segregated and not mixed in, sympathetically and appropriately, in mainstream education this attitude will prevail. Huge hugs to you and your son. The police will be unable to do much with 13 year olds sadly. I wish every headteacher in your area would read this and try and instil some humanity into their pupils. I do hope your week gets better.

AgentProvocateur Thu 02-Jun-16 20:13:57

Some people really are shits. My heart goes out to your son. If it's any consolation, the vast majority of people are kind. He was just really unlucky today.

Babymamamama Thu 02-Jun-16 20:15:04

Annabelcaramel im not sure that the head teachers would have much hope of teaching children humanity if the parents can't. Teachers have a lot to deal with. And I'm not a teacher by the way.

HairyMaclary Thu 02-Jun-16 20:15:45

Oh god, I dread this. DS doesn't have asd (allegedly, I have my doubts) but a physical disability and so desperately wants to be 'normal' he will let other children be mean in order to be with them. He's going to secondary school in September and wants more independence but I'm not sure he's going to be safe as he's so obviously different.
It makes me very sad.

I hope your DS doesn't loose his confidence and can move on from this horrible event.

mrsfuzzy Thu 02-Jun-16 20:18:26

annabel police may not want to get involved but this is still assault, pcso's are their eyes and ears in the community and are enpowered to talk to the kids involved, if need be it can be taken up with the parents. op and her son do not have to suck it up at all .

NatashaRomanoff Thu 02-Jun-16 20:18:38

This is absolutely heartbreaking, your poor DS. I agree with calling the police, the hands down the pants and on his face is utterly foul. I dread this when my ASD DS gets older. sad

EllenJanethickerknickers Thu 02-Jun-16 20:18:50

Little shits. I'm sorry this happened to your DS. My DS2 is 16 and has ASD. He also has no friends but I think he's lucky enough that he doesn't want any. MS secondary school hasn't been wonderful wrt the other kids but the staff have been fantastic. I'm really just waiting for him to be old enough that his peers become geeky adults rather than him having to mix with ignorant or easily led teenagers. They aren't all horrible, obviously, but many teenagers are pretty self obsessed and seem to lack much empathy.

A SN youth club would be great, but they are few and far between, sadly.

annabelcaramel Thu 02-Jun-16 20:19:46

Fair point babymamamama, but they might have half a chance of reaching a wide audience. This makes me so so sad.

WhatALoadOfWankers Thu 02-Jun-16 20:24:59

I too would call the police
Just as a tiny bit of reassurance I have known a lot of teenagers and primary school pupils who recognise others who are different and in a way protect them
There is hope

Itsmine Thu 02-Jun-16 20:27:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Snowcoveredthoughtcage Thu 02-Jun-16 20:29:10

I witnessed a teenager whom I have always found rather arrogant to teach interacting with a lad who has very obvious SEN in the loveliest way last week, don't give up hope.

blondieblondie Thu 02-Jun-16 20:31:00

I agree. Phone the police. That is just disgusting behaviour and I'd be heartbroken, as you probably are. If I thought my son was acting like that, I'd want to know so I could teach him a hard lesson.

Eliza22 Thu 02-Jun-16 20:32:08

Thanks for the replies.

Firstly, DS is at a mainstream school with autism attachment support unit. The bullying has gone in there for 2+ years and with the help of our MP we are trying desperately to move him. We should know for sure within the next 2 weeks. Incidents at school have been so bad that the police and social services have been involved. The Headteacher is useless and "zero tolerance" means nothing.

Secondly, we live in a very "naice" area. The kids at the park attend the the best school (an academy) and it is quite an affluent area. That's what I don't get. These kids have had quite a privileged upbringing. Probably want for nothing.

DS didn't know any of them. He was just standing nearby (at a loss and hopeful he might get an invite to "hang out" with them) when it all happened.

We have tried every available group/social setting going (within a certain radius) but nothing "stuck".

I will speak to the police but they were useless last year.

I was so utterly tired of it and upset last year, that I made myself I'll and ended up at the hospital. I really wasn't good. Am trying hard to be calm and "problem solving" rather than as I was last year.

DeadGood Thu 02-Jun-16 20:32:41

I'm so sorry this happened. So bloody sad.

Babymamamama Thu 02-Jun-16 20:33:26

It makes me sad too Annabel. I do have some knowledge of this area from both sides from a work perspective. Many parents of children with additional needs will actively seek out a Sen school which by default keeps the child out of the mainstream. On the other hand I have found that children who are shockingly unkind/bullying often have extremely sad backgrounds/family lives. Many times the bully is often suffering greatly and unable to process this except by passing it on to someone else. I'm not excusing this behaviour but teaching humanity is much easier said than done.

SpookyRachel Thu 02-Jun-16 20:34:28

I'm so sorry. Your poor boy.

JinRamen Thu 02-Jun-16 20:34:44

Your poor ds sad
I dread this happening to mine. We aren't sending him to high school as he does as another posters child and puts up with the meanness just to fit in. He will get eaten alive sad

nonladyofleisure Thu 02-Jun-16 20:35:28

Is it worth trying a self defence class? Would he cope with something like that? Bullies are bastards and just need to be taught a lesson by someone bigger most of the time X I hope you and your son are ok.

My son has recently got into skateboarding. It's something that can be done on his own or with friends.

And of course the Xbox online gaming X he has built many friendships from that X

Eliza22 Thu 02-Jun-16 20:37:42

We've sent him to school because he's an only child and we're "older parents". Our friends and family have much older offspring.

Last year I was already to just give up. But I couldn't leave DS behind. And I couldn't take him with me.

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