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Aibu to not know what a 'mum friend' is?

(39 Posts)
PeppasNanna Thu 02-Jun-16 10:03:29

Keep coming across this phrase.
Maybe I'm just ancient but are these friends thst are mums?

Or mums that are friends only cos they are mums?confused

LadyCallandraDaviot Thu 02-Jun-16 10:05:07

the mums of your DC's friends - that you spend time with, but aren't specially your friends - although they may turn out to be good friends with time!

PeppasNanna Thu 02-Jun-16 10:07:06

With or without your dc??

CMOTDibbler Thu 02-Jun-16 10:07:48

They are situational friends. You speak to them, spend time with them, because your children are in the same playgroup/school. If your children weren't in that situation together, you wouldn't see them anymore

GibbousHologram Thu 02-Jun-16 10:09:12

Friends who are mums, usually made through your children, and if you're lucky, who you can call on in child-related emergencies, such as fetching from school if you're sick or emergency child-minding.

TheCladdagh Thu 02-Jun-16 10:09:15

I've never acquired any, and think they sound sinister and Borglike.

Then again, despite having a child, I am completely baffled by people on Mn who describe themselves as 'a Mum', or refer to 'other school mums'. This is just not any of my internal classifications.

GibbousHologram Thu 02-Jun-16 10:09:28

And play dates!

waxweasel Thu 02-Jun-16 10:13:04

I have loads of mum friends. They are friends I have made by dint of being a mum, because our kids are friends/attend the same nursery/we attended the same antenatal pilates class or whatever. They're now generally my closest friends, but I would still call them 'my mum friends' when talking to other friends as it's just an easy description of where I know them from.

I categorise all my friends like that though 😄 So I also have uni friends, school friends, work friends, previous hometown X friends, etc etc

LetsSplashMummy Thu 02-Jun-16 10:14:18

I would use that to mean the friends I have made through having children, so you might say you have "school friends," "uni friends," etc. It isn't any different, although you are more likely to see them in child based ways and are able to babysit and help each other out. It isn't that ominous or a big deal, you meet people in all kinds of ways and sometimes you meet a group and stick a shorthand label on as they all know each other as well.

JassyRadlett Thu 02-Jun-16 10:16:02

I think it can be a signifier to your listener of the context in which you know the person. I don't think I say 'mum friends' but I might say 'my NCT mates' or 'my friend from work' HG the context is useful.

Itsmine Thu 02-Jun-16 10:45:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaContessaDiPlump Thu 02-Jun-16 10:48:59

friends I have made by dint of being a mum

^^This. Some of them have evolved into friends who I'd happily go for a drink with, but it all started with us having given birth at roughly the same times!

For me, if they're a Mum friend then it suggests that we might not have anything else in common. I only noticed after DS1 was born that all of my pre-DC friends are a definite 'type' while my post-DC friends are much more varied. That's been good for me, I think; widened my horizons.

FirstWeTakeManhattan Thu 02-Jun-16 10:53:40

I am completely baffled by people on Mn who describe themselves as 'a Mum'

I'm not sure I understand this. What's completely baffling about someone saying they are a mum?

PeppasNanna Thu 02-Jun-16 10:54:27

That all makes sense!

My dc ages soan over 24 years. So i suppose I've had a few mum friends over the years.

2 of my dc have SN and believe me SN mum friends are a different league!!grin

TheCladdagh Thu 02-Jun-16 10:58:03

What, so like pps you don't have work friends or uni friends? Some people seem to think anything relating to the word 'mum' is derogatory.

I don't categorise friends that way into separate bundles, no. But I don't much go for casual group acquaintanceships,because frankly, who has time? If you're someone I seek out to spend time with, you're my friend, however we met.

I am a parent, but yes, I think 'mum', unless it's used by a child addressing its mother, is actually weird and slightly reductive, yes. Parenthood certainly hasn't subsumed the rest of my identity. Obviously, there are people I know purely because our children all went to playgroup/preschool together, but they're male and female and it wouldn't occur to me to call them 'mum friends' or 'dad friends'.

TheDowagerCuntess Thu 02-Jun-16 11:00:23

I have lots of Mum friends - as others have said - Mums of your kids' friends.

Just because someone is a Mum shock doesn't mean they Must Be Shunned, because you're too cool for school. Weirdness. They're as likely - or not - to be someone you'd have a right laugh with, as the next person you'd met in a particular context.

PeppasNanna Thu 02-Jun-16 11:00:33

I don't consider the term 'mum' as reductive if used by someone other than my dc.

Do other people perceive the term 'mum' reductive of an individual?

TheCladdagh Thu 02-Jun-16 11:00:37

First, it's a weird thing to say. 'Mum' to me is a way of being addressed by your child, not something you'd say about yourself. It's twee and sort of weeble-y. I don't know any woman in RL who would say 'I'm a mum'.

Itsmine Thu 02-Jun-16 11:14:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SloppyDailyMailJournalism Thu 02-Jun-16 11:19:17

Jolly good for you TheCladdagh hmm

Itsmine Thu 02-Jun-16 11:24:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheDowagerCuntess Thu 02-Jun-16 11:50:15

It's reductive, if you want it to be.

To everyone else, it's just a context descriptor.

FirstWeTakeManhattan Thu 02-Jun-16 11:53:24

Parenthood certainly hasn't subsumed the rest of my identity

I'm not sure I know anyone for whom parenthood has had this effect.

It's twee and sort of weeble-y Reductive

Well, it is to you, maybe. I think I probably feel sufficiently assured of my identity to not feel twee or reduced by being 'a mum.' I feel quite happy about it really. It sits nicely alongside the other important roles in my life.

lifesalongsong Thu 02-Jun-16 12:00:10

Am I the only person who doesn't understand what TheCladdagh means?

Being a mum must have shrunk my brain, honestly you're way overthinking things imo

BackforGood Thu 02-Jun-16 12:01:32

Not something I think I've ever said myself, but I think it's pretty clear. Just a descriptor of where you know folks from.
Like I might say I'm meeting up with work mates, or schoolfriends, or mates from this hobby or that volunteering.

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