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To be cross with my DD for taking my clothes and posting pics on FB wearing them

(50 Posts)
gubbygubby Thu 02-Jun-16 08:24:38

DD 16 periodically takes my stuff without asking.
Used all my foundation ect, takes clothes.
I've got a safe, lock on my door , got angry.
I've explained that if she asks nicely I don't mind, but taking it makes me very pissed off.
She's been much better recently.
She asks nicely if she wants to borrow make up and puts it back.
She is even wearing one of my posh dresses to her prom.
Last night I'm looking at FB and there she is wearing my new top posing with her mate.
I posted " stop taking my stuff please "
Then she gets all huffy and blocks me.
Locking my door all the time isn't an option as sometimes other DC might need stuff in there but I'm sick of her doing it

NedStarksHead Thu 02-Jun-16 08:26:44

I'd keep my door locked and if your children desperately need something from your room, don't keep those items in your room.

Your things are yours.

Unless she asks, she doesn't get. Just lock your door!

mum2benicole Thu 02-Jun-16 08:30:54

This is what happened to me only was my mam who did it not me haha
In the end I just gave in and thought my stuff must be pretty nice for her to want it that bad I went through the bits I didn't wrear and gave them to her so maybe having a clear out of things you don't use anymore and give them to her and say when your done she's welcome to them?
Its so funny we argued all the time I would taker her shoes sure would take my top hard work to women living in 1 place and worse when they like the same style
Hope you both work something out.
And be flattered your clothes must be really nice xx

chartmc Thu 02-Jun-16 08:37:30

i was the same when i was younger.. borrowed my mums white jeans.. got a kebab.. opened the box wrong and it fell over my lap. ouch.
i got in trouble, never did it again..! its tricky. why dont you sort your clothes and say.. i dont mind u borrowing this, this or this.. but this, this and this is a no go? i can understand completely theres some stuff u dont want her to wear but at the same time there must b some stuff u dont really wear much yourself and would be less bothered about..? x

Lighteningirll Thu 02-Jun-16 08:45:08

You have my sympathy my Dd at 15 took my new Gap kingfisher blue suede bag to the park and got grass stains on it, my sister took to keeping her makeup in a locked case as her dd rampaged through it. Lots of shouting, telling off, hiding locking away helps but I think this is something teenage girls just do. They don't seem to be able to separate you as their mum who would die for them from you as a person entitled to the quiet and private enjoyment of your own possesions. My dd is now 28 and if either of us really like something now we just tend to buy two (My fave Primark summer dress is one she bought me two years ago, yesterday I bought two strips ones in Tesco as I knew she'd like it too).

gubbygubby Thu 02-Jun-16 08:45:09

I haven't even worn the top yet!
That's why I was cross. It's the not asking that upsets me. In the past she has used whole bottles of expensive foundation and denied it despite being the only female in the house . It's the lack of respect and arsiness when confronted. If she said sorry I would not be as pissed off .
I do let her use the very odd bit, but I love my clothes and want to wear them myself.
I've just given her a load of lovely bras that don't fit me anymore so I do share a bit...

Lighteningirll Thu 02-Jun-16 08:45:49


gubbygubby Thu 02-Jun-16 08:47:02

And I don't have to buy an overpriced Prom dress as I'm letting her wear one of mine .

Chippednailvarnishing Thu 02-Jun-16 09:02:29

I don't think I'd be lending her the dress until she shows some respect.

DebCee Thu 02-Jun-16 09:02:51

Definitely, definitely, never ever post on her FB. You have SHAMED her in front of her peers. I am not at all surprised she blocked you!!

What I have learned with teenagers - and mine are boys so different issues - is there is no point in ranting or expecting them to behave in a thoughtful way. You have to really pick your battles, think carefully about how you tackle the issues you do want to address.

With mine, I've found I needed to back off on the trivia, and approach him very calmly, adult to adult, on the things that matter to me.

So I quite often have a chat along the lines of "When you did x it made me feel x, do you think I'm being un-reasonable?" The next stage could be "So if you were me, what would you do if this happened" and then "So what should I do if it happens again?"

And if that fails, get a locked drawer!

But I agree that it's almost a compliment, there's something quite Freudian about stealing from your parent at an age where you're trying to separate - kind of "I don't need you. Oh look I really do need you!"

And I keep reminding myself, (for example, as my 6'7" DS announces he's not going to be sick then vomits a stream of vodka fuelled puke, spraying it into every nook and cranny in the hall) that this stage will soon pass, they'll leave home and we'll miss their slobby, self centred grumpy ways!

sizeofalentil Thu 02-Jun-16 09:05:00

Do you give her pocket money? Dock a rental fee from it if she keeps taking stuff without asking.

Or take her stuff - no need to wear it - just take it and lock it in your room, just to show her how annoying it it when people stop you from being able to use your own possessions.

Scarydinosaurs Thu 02-Jun-16 09:07:23

Does she have money herself to buy foundation/clothes? Can she get a part time job to buy her own clothes- preferably in a clothes shop??

EatShitDerek Thu 02-Jun-16 09:09:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

penguinplease Thu 02-Jun-16 09:13:35

Post what you like on her fb! Maybe a bit of shame would teach her!

RaeSkywalker Thu 02-Jun-16 09:22:29

No way would I have done this when I was a teenager. She's consistently taking things without permission, despite being asked repeatedly not to. You've been reasonable and said you don't mind as long as she asks, but she's still not asking. It's not ok to do this.

BabyGanoush Thu 02-Jun-16 09:24:32


but...a huge compliment to your style as well!

It's a phase that will probably pass.

have a chat about it, hide your make-up!

Goingtobeawesome Thu 02-Jun-16 09:26:41

I'd be tempted to say she borrows nothing until she learns manners and respect, none of this pandering bollocks about here you can have this lot that I'd not thought of giving you until some idiot suggested it and therefore rewarding her for her stropping.

LikeTheShoes Thu 02-Jun-16 09:27:43

Wait 'til she's at school and borrow all of her clothes for a Facebook photo session.

Numberoneisgone Thu 02-Jun-16 09:28:24

Take it as a compliment you obvious still have it. I would NEVER have borrowed my mums clothes growing up unless it was to dress as an 'aul wan. I fear my teenage daughter will feel the same.

I agree with the picking your battle comment.

gubbygubby Thu 02-Jun-16 09:29:23

She has a part time job and does buy her own stuff. She is actually very generous and says i can wear any of her stuff 😬
She has even dyed her hair the same as mine .
I have boys too so it's just a girl thing.
If I don't lend her my dress for prom I will have to buy one,
We already went through looking . 'Twas a nightmare and as I have loads of nice long dresses suggested she wore one .
Now we will have a few huffy days .
Hey ho ..
When I lock my bedroom door I either get calls when I'm at work late from husband who can't get it or DS who needs something ,or I can't remwmber where I hid the key as last place was discovered.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne Thu 02-Jun-16 09:30:16

Hmm... my DD is only 11, but my kids have no reason to go into my bedroom unless I am in it - the only things in my bedroom they might need are DH and me... I don't keep things in there that the kids would need (it has never occurred to me to - I wonder what things they would be?).

I think I would lock the door and not keep anything anyone else would need in there, if I couldn't trust her.

I never, ever went into my parent's room as I teen - not even as a child over 7 (I don't know whether I went into their room younger than that, but we moved house when I was 7 and I can vividly remember being sent to fetch something from their room when I was probably 10 or 11 and realising with surprise I had never been in there!)

gubbygubby Thu 02-Jun-16 09:30:40

I might get dressed up in her finery for a FB session !! Fab idea . Only, I wore bodysuits in the 80s and won't be wearing hers ...

LaConnerie Thu 02-Jun-16 09:30:46

Honestly, it wouldn't (and doesn't) bother me.

Dd is younger than yours but she regularly 'borrows' my stuff. But I birrow her stuff right back and she can't complain about it...

I think it's really sad thinking you need to have locks on the doors in a family home.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne Thu 02-Jun-16 09:31:44

Could you not just get the key copied and you and your DH both have one on your house key ring?

zzzzz Thu 02-Jun-16 09:33:32

It is NOT a "girl thing" shock. It's a your house rules thing.

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