Advice you wish you had from the beginning(68 Posts)
Found myself the only 2nd time mum on the Post Natal Ward and ended up advising the other mum and realized that the books and blogs are helpful and sometime not (I had a 1st time mum almost in tears as she could not get her baby into a routine, I pointed out he was 24hrs old and that routines rarely work)
I am trying to get a list together of Advice Gems mums have picked up, that they wished they had known before birth or in this case just after-
-A change in formula from say Cow and Gate to SMA can make a big difference to how the child feeds (i.e they just may not like the formula)
- Just trust your instincts
- if a boy stops crying while his nappy is being changed , he is going to wee (men cant multi task)
- look at the babies lips if they are discolored he still has wind
- dont be afraid to ask, there is no such thing as a stupid question and if you get a odd look blame it on baby brain
- if breastfeeding get Lanolin and use it
- you can never have enough sick bibs/muslin
- buy baby grows with built in scratch mittens that open down the front (not at the bottom)
What advice would you give?
Start doing your pelvic floor exercises, right now. Or you might wake up tomorrow with your bladder and bowel falling out of your nether regions.
vests can be pulled donwnwards
nipple shields are great.
Don't feed your baby to sleep. Let them learn how to get off to sleep. I did this from day 1 withy DD. With regret, it took 9 months for my DS to sleep through
Tell them all to join MN.
Then when it's 2am and they're crying because their baby won't sleep and they still have to do their first post birth poo, they'll realize they're not alone.
You don't have to like your baby straight away.
I felt awful for weeks because I just couldn't adapt to how fast my life had changed. I felt like all other mums just settled into it. I've since had friends give birth asking advice as if it's something to be ashamed of. I wish I'd of been told to just focus on surviving and the rest will come in time.
Spend an extra 60p on the pump action baby wash as you'll realise you can't get the lid off the other one while bathing slippery wriggling baby!
Get lots of comfy beanbags - great for breastfeeding and popping baby down while you go to loo/shower. My reflux - y baby loved being propped on beanbag.
Get some box sets and enjoy binge watching them!
Don't listen to anyone who says their DC 'slept through' immediately, it's usually bollocks.
Also, don't be too disappointed when your usually clean and tidy house ends up like a shit hole - you'll have all the time in the world to clean once DC are bigger, make the most of their newborn-ness.
-Babies don't necessarily just sleep when they are tired, you need to help them
-Routines can be very helpful
-Everything is just a phase
-Babies are very portable, make the most of it and get out of the house, it's good for your sanity
-you might not think you'll ever have proper control of your ability to poo again after giving birth, but don't panic, things can take a while to return to normal!
Nipple cream is good if breastfeeding.
Cluster feeding is just hours & hours of feeding - get Netflix/biscuits/ fill squash bottles up.
You can call your baby a wanker in your head & it's not the end of the world because yes they will wake up just as you sit down with a hot plate of food.
If baby will not go down at all get a sling, it saves sanity.
When you feel like you hate your baby, don't worry, it's exhaustion/fleeting and you aren't a failure.
Be the parent your baby needs, not the parent you thought she'd need.
Perfect the smile and nod- I'm 8 years in and have yet to go a week without its use.
Nobody cares if you don't iron pyjamas
There is no one right answer- use advice that works for you, ignore any that doesn't.
Sometimes babies cry because they are tired- you probably can't do anything to stop them crying other than enable them get to sleep.
Bulk buy cheap facecloths/small hand towels to put under baby's bottom during nappy changes, so that if he/ she wees then it'll be absorbed by the cloth and not their clothes.
Pyjamas are much easier than babygros for night-time nappy changes.
I may get shot down for this -
- at first. But soon it doesn't (a few weeks)
ask for support, recognise it's a new skill for you and baby and so takes a wee while to learn like any new skill.
If it doesn't work/isn't for you ff is not poison and not the end of the world and doing so does not make you a failure.
Nobody's perfect and that includes babies. (Still being in your dressing gown and the house a bomb site at 5pm and dh getting in from work is not the end of the world)
Smile and nod. Practice 'I'll think about that' when given unwanted advice. But do what works for YOUR family (bf, ff, cc, dummies, routines, whatever)
Defo agree with the trying different formula. My milk dried at 8 months, first 2 formulas just made dd vomit continuously! She ended up on a little known brand next age up!
If you are using dummies - get fluorescent ones for night time searches!
Try and be prepared, eg if you are about to change a nappy, take a second to think about what you will need to do it and make sure you have everything ready before you start. It sounds stupid but I've just had my second and forgot this. Keep taking nappies off and then realising I haven't got a bowl of water ready!
First post labour poo: hold a pad against yourself whilst you're going. I was terrified I would rip open
again and found it helped (Sorry TMI)
Remember that your body has just been through a massive ordeal and don't expect things to go back to normal straight away! You will feel like absolute shit for a while, take it easy.
Something I didn't learn till after ex and I split 2 years later (he cheated so not the reason - except he tried to use it as one)
I felt awful for not feeling up for sex within a few months
weeks apparently it can take up to 2 years for that to sort itself hormonally
Honestly? Best advice is don't listen to any advice.
There are so many well meaning people but it just overwhelms you when they all feel the need to chip in. As we all know, nothing can prepare you for the reality of it. what works for one baby or mum may not work for another.
If pushed, I'd say the best thing is to be flexible, adaptable and doing what works for you regardless of any well meaning advice. I have to say I'd have cried too at being advised soon after giving birth.
It's not a crime if you don't want to co sleep, or breast feed right up until your child is ready to start school. Your baby might even sleep better in its own bed.
madmother that's potentially dangerous advice. Babies need as much access to the breast as possible in order to get supply right.
My main advice would be 'if in doubt, boob'.
Don't waste money on any other nipple cream, just buy Lansinoh straight away.
Controversial possibly dangerous? for who? Lots of mothers don't feed to sleep and bf fine.
Oh YY to the cluster feeding is normal and BFing can hurt at first. We had a rocky start to BFing for other reasons but it would have helped massively if I'd known this. If NCT and NHS had been a bit more honest about the fact you can be feeding for hours at a time and it might all be quite uncomfortable at first it would have made such a difference to my confidence and ultimately to my success in BFing. I was really cross about this when I realised that my experience was normal and not a sign it wasn't working.
Also I would advise getting a bit of perspective on BF vs FF When I was in the new baby haze I felt like such a failure that I couldn't EBF (I mix fed for over a year) - with hindsight it's just not that big a deal.
Breast feeding shouldn't hurt.
Not all babies cluster feed (mine never have).
Routines can start from a few days old and be brilliant for mum and baby.
Just because you breastfeed doesn't mean you have to constantly have the baby 'on the boob'.
Parent according to your and their personality. Stuff everything else.
If breastfeeding, they will need to feed much more often than you expect! Forget the 2-3 hourly feed bollocks. If they are not settled immediately with something else, give them a boob!
Don't beat yourself up if you do things that you "shouldn't" e.g. rock/feed to sleep. For the first few months, do whatever makes your life easier. Habits can always be changed later when you're in a stronger state to deal with it.
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