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Ex-ha gf posting pics of dd on Instagram

(69 Posts)
Unpropergrammer Wed 01-Jun-16 22:49:39

Just got into a fight with ex-h. He's been seeing a woman for nine months, she's in her early twenties and we are both in our thirties. I think this is her first serious relationship.

Me and ex haven't finalised divorced yet and only split a year and a half ago.

Anyway for the past four months, the gf has obsessively posted pictures of dd(4) on Instagram and social media. To the point where she's posting more pics of dd than I am. I have tried to politely talk about this with ex but he is insistent he's given permission so it's fine. I feel really uncomfortable about it.

Anyways she posted one yesterday of them at the park together, her arms around dd and one of her friends commented 'she's so lucky to have a step mum like you' and gf replied 'thanks smile'

Am I wrong to be so angry? She's been in my dd's life four months, and not even been with my ex that long and yet she's allowing herself to be referred to as step mum and posting constant photos of my dd.

fastdaytears Wed 01-Jun-16 22:52:39

Not unreasonable to be upset, but you can't do anything about it so just block her and wait for him to get bored of her.

Do you have anything to gain by following her on Instagram?

Fairylea Wed 01-Jun-16 22:56:29

I can understand you're upset but there isn't anything you can do as your dh is fine with it and whatever happens during his contact time is up to him. For your own sanity I would block her / him on Facebook etc and forget about it otherwise you will drive yourself crazy.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Wed 01-Jun-16 22:56:57

There's nothing you can do as your ex doesn't have have a problem with it.

Fwiw I would feel exactly the same way as you, I think blocking her on everything so you can't torture yourself is the way to go, ignorance is sometimes bliss.

NatashaRomanov Wed 01-Jun-16 22:57:43

Facebook has an option to report photos as being of you/your family that you don't want on fb. Does instagram have that option?

mizuzu Wed 01-Jun-16 22:57:54

I can understand why you are upset, your ex should really respect your wishes however you shouldnt be going on her insta especially as it is annoying you.

fastdaytears Wed 01-Jun-16 22:58:45

I don't know about Instagram as I'm not a 15 year old with a pout, but I think the FB report wouldn't work anyway as the GF has one parent's permission

Unpropergrammer Wed 01-Jun-16 22:59:00

I know he's given permission but I havent. I wouldn't post pictures of my nephews and nieces without their parents permission and I've been in their life since birth.

I feel like my dd has become and accessory.

Unpropergrammer Wed 01-Jun-16 23:00:37

I know I shouldn't be looking blush but I can't help it. Especially when dd is with them at the weekend and I'm feeling lonely.

Need to develop some willpower I think.

fastdaytears Wed 01-Jun-16 23:00:59

It doesn't need both of your permission. It's been done to death on here and the only way you can take control and maintain your sanity is to block.

Hopefully your DD has a good relationship with this girl and at least some of the affection is genuine and not just photos.

WorraLiberty Wed 01-Jun-16 23:02:09

I don't think anyone should be posting photos of other people on social media to be honest.

But as you've chosen to, I don't really think you can complain that she's chosen to as well, with the child's Dad's permission.

I wouldn't wind yourself up, looking at her social media pages and comments though.

Fairylea Wed 01-Jun-16 23:02:37

The trouble is if you kick up a fuss and report stuff etc you are going to fall out with your ex dh because he is clearly okay with it, so is it worth that? Because I would think the most important thing is to keep a friendly / open dialogue between you all and that won't happen if you argue about this. At the end of the day anyone can take a photo of any child and put it anywhere if they really want to, I know others will disagree but I think it's really not worth getting worried about. You are torturing yourself by keeping an eye on their social medias.

fastdaytears Wed 01-Jun-16 23:02:43

Need to develop some willpower I think

Block, block, block! No willpower needed! So much better stuff to look at online!

PaulAnkaTheDog Wed 01-Jun-16 23:03:41

He's given his permission, there's nothing you can do. You can however complain say anything you'd regret on here grin

LouBlue1507 Wed 01-Jun-16 23:03:53

It must be difficult for you, but you don't own your daughters image (by law, no one does). She has your Ex's permission so she's not breaching any social media rules.

You need to block her and stop upsetting yourself. Try and see the positive, that the two of them get on well and have a good relationship!

Fairylea Wed 01-Jun-16 23:05:43

If you're lonely at the weekends then you need to find something to fill that time so you have more to do rather than worry about what they are doing. I know it's difficult - I was a single mum once and it's very hard when your child is with the other parent. I ended up getting another (additional) job that meant I could pick up weekend hours when dd was at her dads so it kept me busy and I also went online dating - and met now dh.

Unpropergrammer Wed 01-Jun-16 23:09:20

Me and ex tried the amicable relationship thing and it went really well till gf showed up. We used to have family days with dd so she could see both parents together and we got on fine. Xmas 2014 he came around during the day for dd's present opening then we had like a light Xmas lunch together before he took her to his parents for big Xmas tea. That's all stopped with the arrival of gf which I can understand but it's putting a strain on divorce proceedings and I'm worried how long this woman will actually be in dd's life.

WorraLiberty Wed 01-Jun-16 23:14:09

There's no point in worrying how long she'll be in your DD's life because you just can't tell.

However, she's been in it for 9 months so at least it sounds like a proper relationship, rather than something fleeting.

MrsSpecter Wed 01-Jun-16 23:17:02

I dont think you really get to object to someone else posting pictures of your child on the internet when you do it too.

PovertyPain Wed 01-Jun-16 23:19:31

Idiot be so tempted to post a comment. "That's so sweet. A little girl can never have too many aunties" but then, I'm a cow. grin

Fairylea Wed 01-Jun-16 23:23:00

It's possible to be amicable and not have family days out etc. I know some people do that and it works for them but for the majority of divorced couples the only time they see each other etc is at hand overs and possibly at birthdays when the children are younger. I think as hard as it is maybe it's time to take a step back and create some distance between you and them and things won't feel so raw in time I'm sure. (My ex lives in the USA now so dd spends half the summer there - she is a teenager now, when she was little ex lived nearby and we would see each other for handovers every other weekend and that was about it really).

PinkyOfPie Wed 01-Jun-16 23:25:16

YANBU to feel this way, I would be livid, but if your ex has OK'd it there isn't a lot you can do sad I think you're torturing yourself by looking. Besides, you are your DDs mother and nothing or no one will ever replace that, no matter what life other people try to portray on Instagram!

WorraLiberty Wed 01-Jun-16 23:26:34

And to be fair, she wasn't the one who called herself step mum.

She simply replied 'thanks' when someone else called her it.

For all you know, she might have felt a bit weirded out by the comment, but rather than make a fuss, she just said thanks.

Iknownuffink Wed 01-Jun-16 23:30:01

OP, my children asked me not to post pics of their children. I don't because they are NOT my children.


The GF has absolutely no right to post images of your children IMHO.

fastdaytears Wed 01-Jun-16 23:31:54

But if your grandchildren's other parent had said that someone could post pictures then they can.

This girl has two parents and one has given permission. The OP can't do anything about it and needs to forget it as best she can.

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