To think there's no resolution when one want another baby and the other doesn't?

(23 Posts)
ThreeIsTheCharm Wed 01-Jun-16 21:27:25

And everyone is going say I'm being U and I have to just get over it sad

I've a boy and a girl, 3 and 1 and I'm desperately broody for another. I think about it all the time. I really feel tearful when I see a pregnant person, honestly can't hardly look at bumps.

Dh just doesn't want another.

He says we are too old. I'm 35 and he's 42. Please don't be pc, are we too old?

I know everyone will say, "the person who doesn't want another child gets to decide" but I feel so sad.

Dh says we have a boy and a girl, we can't do any better but I have this longing like a back hole in my heart that wants another baby. It's a physical ache.

Please help me come to terms with it.

WorraLiberty Wed 01-Jun-16 21:41:01

If he feels he is too old, then he is.

The thing is, you've already got a baby and yet you have a physical ache for another?

I'm wondering if you had another, would you be in exactly the same position when that baby is 1 and so on?

minesapintofwine Wed 01-Jun-16 21:41:36

I'm sorry I have no advice but totally understand how you feel as I am in the same situation as you flowers

Curiousmum69 Wed 01-Jun-16 21:43:00

I have 4 Dc and still felt that desperate broody pull when they hit 1/2. Hormones have a lot to answer for. I'm pretty glad DH put his foot down as I would not actually want more.

MummyBex1985 Wed 01-Jun-16 21:44:57

DH is 43 and we are TTC (with fertility issues sadly). Not too old, but not Spring chickens either.

But the point is, if he feels too old, you have to accept that. You're right - there's no compromise in this situation. sad

Oysterbabe Wed 01-Jun-16 21:45:13

You're not too old but if your husband doesn't want to then that's that really.

1Catherine1 Wed 01-Jun-16 21:46:31

I really understand how you feel. I have always wanted 3 children but my husband would have been happy with one. Early on in the relationship he agreed with 3 but now, two children later (a girl and a boy), he has decided that we cannot have any more. He said (very practically and realistically) that we cannot afford more and we have the perfect family now anyway.

My boy is only 5 months old, every little milestone is bittersweet. I love his progress but I wish he could be my baby for longer. I don't know how I will feel when he is a few years old and I long for that third baby. I am already pre-empting this by giving away all the baby stuff and reminding myself how perfect my two are already. I will have to focus on the stress (I remember well) from the two years ttc and how difficult the pregnancy was. Logical thinking helps to fight that heart's ache!

Although, the PP has a point. For me, I always wanted 3 children, and my need would stop after 3. Is your craving for a baby, or to complete your family? Would it ever be complete? A woman I used to know had 5 children (her and her husband on long term benefits) and she loved babies and just wanted more, finally, her husband said no.

ThreeIsTheCharm Wed 01-Jun-16 21:48:34

mine what age are you and dh?

I know for a fact that 3 is my perfect number. I wouldn't be perpetually broody.

There's no winning this as I'd never make dh have a baby he didn't want.

My mum tells me that her big regret is not having a bigger family. She just has 2.

My dc have no cousins, just them and I worry about the, being isolated and lonely growing up.

I can't talk to anyone in RL about this

Rainuntilseptember Wed 01-Jun-16 21:49:47

You're certainly not too old, if you both wanted it to happen. Did you ever talk about having three in the past and was he up for it then? Obviously many many couples have more than two dcs so it's not a freakish think to want. I hate this stuff about "one of each" being a perfect family (you can guess what I have!) and I personally love seeing a family of three where the eldest two are mixed sex, as then you know they just really wanted another child. Hopefully he will change his mind, or your longing will pass - there is really no easy solution if you both remain on different pages.

newmumwithquestions Wed 01-Jun-16 21:49:57

What did you both agree before you had children? If you agreed that you would have 2 then yes YABU to give him a hard time about not wanting more.

ThreeIsTheCharm Wed 01-Jun-16 21:50:42

catherine I can't bear to give the baby things away sad

I'm feeling so resentful at the moment.

Mouikey Wed 01-Jun-16 21:51:42

I'm 40 and 32 weeks preggers, my hubby is 38... This will be our first and most likely our last (I'm an only child so no issues with that!). So neither of you are to old!

KittyMcAllister Wed 01-Jun-16 21:53:15

I am in the exact same position (dcs are older, 4 & 6). It goes round in my head and drives me mad sometimes. But DH won't be moved. He just doesn't get how powerful and all-consuming the urge is. The thing is I get his arguments- the baby years are behind us, three kids would mean new house & car, I've just embarked on a change of direction in my career and we are getting older (36 and 41). The only argument is how much I would love another baby and how I feel incomplete without it.

Sorry I have no answers OP!

ThreeIsTheCharm Wed 01-Jun-16 21:53:17

I'm very ashamed to say we didn't discuss having children before we married. sad

I had no idea how much I'd love being a until I became one.

sad. sad

WorraLiberty Wed 01-Jun-16 21:53:31

Even if you had 5 kids, there's still no guarantee they'd be close to each other.

Some siblings just don't get along, or they move on with their lives and move to different countries etc.

WreckingBallsInsideMyHead Wed 01-Jun-16 21:57:26

You can't know that you won't feel this way after 3... It's impossible to know for sure

Your DH doesn't want more kids. If that doesn't change then you either accept it and enjoy the ones you have or leave him and find someone else to father child 3... I know which I would choose..,

flyhigh Wed 01-Jun-16 22:07:54

We had a third accidental pregnancy that very tragically ended in a stillbirth. I was all consumed with trying again and my husband really didn't want to. In the end he decided that he would never resent a baby once it was born but that I would always resent him for not agreeing to another. Nine months after the birth of our planned baby my coil failed and along came another!! Some things are meant to begrin

Topofthemorning3 Wed 01-Jun-16 22:15:23

My dh wasn't keen to have another child after dc2. I was adamant I wanted 3.
We talked and talked about it. I just couldn't let it go.
My dh agreed/ relented and dd3 is the absolute apple of his eye. I had her at 39 and our family is complete. We both definitely do not want anymore children.
I know my situation isn't like everyone's and people will judge me for not listening to dh in the first place but I don't regret making a stand.

TealLove Wed 01-Jun-16 22:18:38

This happened to me. I just accepted it but I didn't have a massive yearning it was more just like a passing fancy. DH had previous children and said 4 is my limit and I had to respect that.

specialsubject Wed 01-Jun-16 22:19:57

So sorry. There is of course no compromise. Keep talking and supporting each other, and I hope you can work it out.

Brummiegirl15 Wed 01-Jun-16 22:20:47

I had my first DD at 39 and DP was 46. Defo not too old

Slippersandacuppa Wed 01-Jun-16 22:27:02

It's so tricky.

My sister is desperate for number three and is trying to come to terms with sticking at two, as BIL doesn't want any more.

One of my best friends has wanted number three for years and is now pregnant. Her DH didn't want any more but changed his mind and seems very happy about it now.

DH's aunt is extremely bitter about the fact that she never had a third.

I have four. I had that ache after each baby reached a certain age but I don't feel it now. I get a pang when I see pregnant bellies or newborn babies but not to the same extent. If I hadn't had number three, it would have consumed me.

I agree with flyhigh - hard to resent a baby but much easier to resent the lack of one. I know that my sister worries that it could be thrown back at her when noise/cost/stress etc increases due to a third!

Not sure if any of that helps...

NickyEds Wed 01-Jun-16 22:27:46

We're in this situation, we have two and I want a third. Dp doesn't (for good reasons)so that's that sad. I know I'm very lucky but it still hurts. I'm getting rid of the baby stuff toosad.

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