Toddler sleep - are we doing the right thing..?(32 Posts)
Have you tried an earlier bedtime? She may be too tired when she is put to bed
Why are you both doing bedtime? Seems a bit over the top to me. Just have one of you doing it. Your routine sounds a bit convoluted.
I would stay with her until she slept. Has to be better than driving her around. So pop her into her cot, sit by the cot and hold her hand with the lights out. Then as she gets used to that you can move away slightly until one day you leave.
She's not being left to cry, her dad's soothing her until she falls asleep. I had a screamer for my first. The child would not sleep without a good 10mins if screaming at least. We tried everything but more interaction like patting got longer screaming. So one of us would sit by the bed and read a book on our tablet until dc fell asleep usually mid scream
Also found once you cave it can take a month of consistency to get bck into routine
What time do you give her a bath if you are putting her to bed between 7-7:30? I ask because if we bath my Dd at 7, then we don't go back downstairs at all between bath time and bed at 7:30. But if you still have quite a big space of time between bath and bed then that might not work for you
I think you need to put her to bed. At the moment she knows you're around and is holding out because you're the soft one. I reckon if you start putting her to bed, stay in the room and tough it out, ignore the tantrum and read a book, or fold laundry and put it away, repeating 'It's sleepy time now' like a broken record. Four nights and you'll crack it.
How long does she sleep for during the day? When we went through something similar with our eldest DS, the health visitor said it could be because he wasn't getting enough sleep during the day (sounds odd I know). Turned out she was right- he was over-tired by bedtime. We started letting him sleep a little longer at nap time and it really helped.
I think you are doing the right thing and don't see a problem with splitting the routine. We do similar in that one of us does bath & pj and the other reads story, brushes teeth and stays until he is in bed. The whole thing can take an hour which is too much for one person after a full days work.
I don't think there is any more you can do.
Don't change your routine. It gives her comfort - just switch up the bit at the end. Maybe take it in turns each night to settle her, perhaps put her in the cot, leave the room, go back if she screams, keep doing it & be consistent between you. See what happens after a week.
It sounds like she might be going through a phase of separation anxiety. Taking her for a walk in the pram might be an alternative to the car for naps.
She is learning. This is an important stage and all mine have gone through it (usually a few times each). It's very important how you handle it. In my experience if you don't put your foot down and quickly walk away they start to think that just maybe they might get their way and this leads to prolonged distress. When a patch of this bedtime tantrumming starts (and it happens periodically until they are communicating well when it becomes a different sort of battle), I usually respond the first night with cuddles and taking them downstairs if very distressed and insistent. If they are then happy and fine downstairs I let them away with it but the next night when they start up I absolutely say no and walk out. This way I don't accidentally ignore illness or pain and they learn that they can make a request but no still means no when I really say it. It gives them confidence and boundaries which reduces the upset next time they try it on. It's very important for your child's distress that you give them clear boundaries. I'm with your DH on this. Being soft leads to much more upset in the long run.
Does she have a bath straight after her tea?
Once in the bath, make sure rooms are as dark as possible, talk quietly and gently, go straight to her bedroom after her bath for a story and bottle.
I don't agree with letting them cry either. Once she's been put down don't make any eye contact or say anything (even "sh" means you are still communicating with her) if she gets back up, continue to put her down without saying anything.
It took us around a month to master when DD was around the same age. We also took the side off her cot and replaced with a bed guard.
DS is the same age and all I would advise is staying upstairs once your bedtime routine has started. We have always done bath at 6.30, then books, bottle and teeth brushed between 7 and 7.30, all in our bedroom and we stay upstairs the whole time. Going downstairs after the bath is breaking the routine I think.
I would take her out of her cot at 16 months I think. It's far easier to settle her not having to lean over, and you can read her book next to her when she's already in bed.
At nursery I doubt she uses a cot for naps either.
For me I always do the story once they are in bed. Otherwise they want story, then don't want to leave sofa. If story is on condition they are already in bed under covers then they tend to eagerly jump into bed. They sometimes fall asleep during story also if already in bed/ longer story
Being soft is a lovely thing to be, except at bedtime I'm the soft one in our house but have learned after 3DC that being firm and consistent at bedtime is the way to go. I've never left them to cry. I found the book 'Teach Yourself Baby Sleep' really helpful.
This is not for everyone but worked for us. One of our twins started doing this around 2. She shared a room with her twin sister and older bother in the next room who had to be up for school in the mornings.
After months of trying absolutely everything, and her keeping the other 2 awake for hours, with us going in and out al the time, I decided to let her cry.
The first night she screamed for about an hour which was hideous for everyone, then she fell asleep.
The next night I was expecting it to be hideous for everyone again but literally not a peep. I am not exaggerating. It was life changing and few problems since (now 3 & a half).
As I said earlier, not for everyone, but her behaviour was having a huge impact on the other two, and something had to give.
16 month old should be in a cot !
Op you honestly don't need to worry this just sounds like very normal toddler behaviour. Of course she wants to get up and play and have more cuddles! But you are the parents and uou know she needs to go to bed.
Kids go through phases of fighting bedtime honestly its not a big deal abd your bedtime routine sounds completely normal.
It's not at all mean yo let her fall asleep while crying she is just tired and letting of a bit of steam over not being allowed to stay up late.
Don't over think it !
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