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to be pissed off with this bedtime routine

(13 Posts)
tiggerbounce77 Wed 01-Jun-16 20:38:42

Put 5yr old dc to bed at 7, dp then comes home at 7.30, dc gets up to see him, dc is still up and it's 8.30, dc needs to be up early in the morning so being up this late is an issue. I can't send dc back to bed as I am the one in the wrong, he wants to see dc after being at work all day, there is no way round dc not hearing him come is as front door is right next to dc bedroom and his hours are unpredictable at this time of year so I never know what time he gets home until he walks through the door.

Aibu to expect an evening of peace and quiet after a day at work, this isn't the first night its happened either!

Pearlman Wed 01-Jun-16 20:47:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tiggerbounce77 Wed 01-Jun-16 20:51:04

Unfortunately hours are unpredictable over the summer months. I am then made to feel like the bad person cos he wants to spend time with dc and am also expected to run around doing stuff that he should be doing all cos he won't put dc back to bed

ChocChocPorridge Wed 01-Jun-16 20:58:55

It's not about him - if dc have school they need their sleep (and DS1 - 6 - couldn't cope with that more than once a week without being very grumpy)

It's tough, but if DP's going to be late, then I put the kids to bed and he creeps in. Otherwise he puts them to bed for 7:30.

Can your DP text on his way home if he's going to make it in time, and otherwise be super, super quiet coming in?

Pearlman Wed 01-Jun-16 21:05:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

puddleduckmummy Wed 01-Jun-16 21:09:55

My husband works irregular hours and when he comes home after DC bedtime, he doesn't wake them up. If they are asleep, he will go and look at them or if DS (3) has just gone down and is still awake, he will go and have a quick cuddle but then settle him back down to sleep, ds doesn't leave his bedroom.

I think your DH is definitely BU in this. Routine is so important and your DC has school tomorrow, if they don't get enough sleep, they will struggle all day. Surely he has days off when he sees DC?

tiggerbounce77 Wed 01-Jun-16 21:12:40

At this time of year he often works 7 days a week so time at home is very rare. It's very hard to creep in quieter as the door is right next to DC bedroom. I have asked for a text when he leaves work but so far it hasn't happened

Itsaplayonwords Wed 01-Jun-16 21:17:46

Can he get up early with DC in the morning? That way he would get to spend time with DC and you can have a lay in

puddleduckmummy Wed 01-Jun-16 21:19:42

If DC is awake, going in and having a cuddle shouldn't be a problem but he needs to make it a quick one, 5 minutes cuddle then he settles DC down and then it's sleep time. Does he wake DC up if asleep? Does he see DC in the morning?

It's going to sound harsh but if he isn't home for bedtime, then unfortunately he doesn't get to see DC. That's what happens in our house, sometimes DH goes a full week without any DC time. he works 6 days a week and sometimes his day off is on nursery day.

MrsJoeyMaynard Wed 01-Jun-16 22:18:26


Kids need their sleep. If DH gets home after bedtime, he doesn't spend time with the kids. He'll look in, if they're awake he'll tuck them up and settle them down. He doesn't get them out of bed to play or read stories or whatever.

DS1 (4) in particular needs enough sleep - his behaviour is badly affected if he's tired, so we need to keep his bedtime routine pretty rigid so he can cope at school. Even in school holidays like now, we don't let it slip too much or it'll cause trouble when school starts again.

It's tough for DH to miss out on time with the kids if he can't be home for bedtime, but it's important for the kids to get their sleep. DH does usually get to have breakfast with the kids though, as they wake up before he has to go to work. Would something like that work for your DH?

whois Wed 01-Jun-16 22:20:45

He should look in, give them a cuddle and resettle them but he shouldn't get them back up! What a dunce.

Hissy Wed 01-Jun-16 22:26:15

Does dh always get home about half 7? Can you do the bedtime routine, have dad come in and kiss dc goodnight?

Or agree, he can do the morning shift.

tiggerbounce77 Wed 01-Jun-16 22:35:20

He can come home at any time and start early in the morning, just need to give him a kick up the bum about communicating

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