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Seeing a friend's husband on a dating website?

(82 Posts)
jubileepancakes Wed 01-Jun-16 17:43:20

Oh dear. What's the etiquette here?? Do I pretend I haven't seen him or say something?

WIBU to even broach the subject? confused

Just5minswithDacre Wed 01-Jun-16 17:44:40

Ouch sad

I think maybe I'd print the page and post it to her. Avoid the crossfire.

JayDot500 Wed 01-Jun-16 17:45:30


I'd want to know! angry

PreciousVagine Wed 01-Jun-16 17:46:14

Part of me thinks don't get involved and the other part agrees with just. Anonymously telling her means she finds out and can deal with it and you don't get shot as a messenger.

Donthate Wed 01-Jun-16 17:46:17

Yes to print and drop. Don't get personally involved. Let her deal with it.

Just5minswithDacre Wed 01-Jun-16 17:46:41

So would I Jay.

formerbabe Wed 01-Jun-16 17:46:56

I wouldn't do anything.

SoleBizzz Wed 01-Jun-16 17:47:48

I woukd want to know! !!

AndYourBirdCanSing Wed 01-Jun-16 17:47:53

How close are you? I would personally want to know

Jofo Wed 01-Jun-16 17:48:22

Are you able to let him know that you know and ask him to take it down? Or the wife may know about it, they may have an open marriage or be looking for a threesome?

I would def speak to him first. Does the profile fit him or is someone using his photo?

soundslikethat Wed 01-Jun-16 17:48:29

Print and drop or do nothing.

Are you sure they're not in an open/poly relationship or in the process of splitting up?

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Wed 01-Jun-16 17:49:09

I wouldn't do anything, the messenger always gets shot.

peppatax Wed 01-Jun-16 17:50:29

Anonymously raise it - I'd want to know. Then step back and pretend you know nothing.

TroysMammy Wed 01-Jun-16 17:51:25

If you are single and using OLD for the right reasons just send him a message. It might either put the willies up him that he has been rumbled or he could just change his profile. Unless you take a photo of the profile as proof she could disbelieve you and it could blow up in your face.

Discobabe Wed 01-Jun-16 17:52:00

Anonymously email/tell her. If it's a 3some/open relationship etc no harm done. If not, wouldn't you rather know?

MeMySonAndl Wed 01-Jun-16 17:56:31

I really don't understand why people think that sending anonymous letters is the right thing to do.

If you are close to the woman, send a short message to him saying something like "Hi, I never expected to see you here!", if you are not close, stay away.

She may know, she may not or she may be pretending not to know to keep her dignity and family life intact (unreasonable, I know, but sometimes happen).

GinAndSonic Wed 01-Jun-16 17:57:10

They could be looking for a third? I'd keep you your nose out tbh. If he's cheating do you think she wants to find out via an anonymous letter? Could you tell her to her face? What would thr fall out be for you? What if they are split up, or into some form of non monogamy (swinging, threesomes, cuckolding, polyamory) knowing someone they know saw his profile could make them uncomfortable.
You don't know what's going on. Leave it.

jubileepancakes Wed 01-Jun-16 18:09:28

She's a school mum friend so I don't know her in too much intimate detail but I've known her about 5 years. I'm divorced and gave just started to test the waters in old so I've joined but not put a photo on yet and there he was! Using the same pic as his Facebook profile pic. Heck, what a difficult situation.

jubileepancakes Wed 01-Jun-16 18:11:30

To be honest, it's a bit brazen. His user name is just his name. Maybe they've separated but it's not common knowledge?

wowfudge Wed 01-Jun-16 18:14:22

There's also the possibility someone had created a fake profile using details and photos taken from Facebook. Maybe you should contact him and say that?

CheeseFan Wed 01-Jun-16 18:14:58

I would want to know if it was my partner, and if it was a close friend whose partner was doing it then I'd tell them. Hard to say if you don't know her too well, I would take a screenshot of his profile and message him like someone else has said, see what he says.

PreciousVagine Wed 01-Jun-16 18:15:00

Maybe they have. He could just be thick though and not realise how easily his profile would pop up or how simple it would be for someone to stumble across his profile.

Onlyicanclean10 Wed 01-Jun-16 18:15:23

Keep your snout out op.

noone knows the values or boundaries of another's marriage and you could acutely embarrass them and yourself.

It's no business of yours and she won't thank you for parading either her dhs infidelity or their open marriage.

febnov Wed 01-Jun-16 18:17:01

I was in just this situation a few weeks ago. I said nothing while I decided what to do. A few days later my friend said her husband had seen me on a dating site and I had to explain why I was there!

feathermucker Wed 01-Jun-16 18:18:58

I had the same situation.

Told her.

Turns out they're in an open relationship and she knew all about it.

Tell her- it's the right thing to do.

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