Talk

Advanced search

AIBU to want to have 2 different names?

(15 Posts)
coralpig Tue 31-May-16 17:40:28

I'm getting married in about 2 months time. I was adamant that I didn't want to change my name. Feminist in me isnt wild about the idea and none in the women in my family have ever taken their husband's names. Plus I am doing a PhD and have already published: if I embark on an academic career your name carries significance and most female academics I know have kept their maiden names.
However as time has gone on I would quite like to have the option to choose, flit between them for different purposes. For instance, I think if we one day have children, I want them to take his name and I'd like us all to be the X family. I like the idea of being Mr and Mrs X and couldn't be comfortable calling myself Mrs Coralpig as that's like being married to my dad. Silly I know.
I know plenty of women use their maiden name professionally and their husbands name personally but I want to be able to be more flexible than that. To call myself what I want when I want... Is that unreasonable?

I know your passport lets you a have a line saying 'the holder is also known as....' But I've called the DVLA and the driving licence doesn't allow that. Am I giving myself too much of a nightmare and should I just choose?

If it helps- they're both really really different names. I prefer the sound of my husbands but not enough to take it if that makes sense. Hyphenation and double barrelling sounds horrific- wouldn't work nor would I want it.
AIBU?

squoosh Tue 31-May-16 17:42:18

YABU

Keep your birth name.

CodyKing Tue 31-May-16 17:43:20

Oh Interesting!

When you have children people will assume your married - so you don't need to correct them

A wedding ring will also bring assumptions of marriage

Can you hyphenate - but use the first at work and the second at home ?

Tiggeryoubastard Tue 31-May-16 17:44:57

I use (now ex) husbands name in my private life. I use my maiden name for work still. Wasn't a feminist issue, was because of the job I did/do and married name is quite unusual.

Rummikub Tue 31-May-16 17:45:09

You can do this, but may find problems further down the line in certain circumstances eg applying for a mortgage.

Otherwise no yanbu.

Catzpyjamas Tue 31-May-16 17:45:50

I didn't change my name. DD has my surname as a middle name as a link to me and it also makes it easier for us to travel without DH with my unusual surname showing on her passport. I will answer to Mrs DHsurname at school etc and DH answers to Mr Catz if people make a mistake. We've managed like this for 12 years with no problems.
Can't answer how it would work with two names though, sorry.

ClaudiaWankleman Tue 31-May-16 17:46:15

I have two names in completely different languages. They don't sound remotely the same and don't translate to the same thing either. Legally my name in the UK is my birth name but I have academic qualifications in my other name. It's never caused a big problem and I just note on CVs and anything else necessarily that I am also known as X.

Theydontknowweknowtheyknow Tue 31-May-16 17:48:54

What's wrong with a hyphenated name for your DC? You could keep yours, your husband his and then your DC could have both.

The Spanish manage it.

myownprivateidaho Tue 31-May-16 17:49:03

Well you've answered your own question by pointing out that many people use different names for different purposes. I don't see what your problem is. Obviously you can only have one legal name at a time if that's what you mean, so passport, bank docs will be in that name, whichever it is.

LetsSplashMummy Tue 31-May-16 17:54:42

I do the maiden (and long version of my first name) professionally, with my short first name and married name personally. So Dr Suzanne Lets and Mrs Susie Splash, if that makes sense. I like to keep them separate, for example, the students from my lectures can't find me on social media. I can't see, if you are consistent within each setting and don't take offence at people getting it muddled, then what the issue would be.

When I went to change my name after I got married, I was basically told not to bother and whatever you call yourself is your legal name as long as you are not using it fraudulently. This might just be in Scotland, but if the law is the same (or you are in Scotland) then YANBU.

lalalalyra Tue 31-May-16 17:55:56

I was always Lala Maidenname at work and Lala husband's name elsewhere. My passport was maiden name for six years because it had that length of time to run. I still have one bank account in my maiden name because they wanted five pieces of ID in my new name to change it - I didn't have five things at that point!

branofthemist Tue 31-May-16 17:59:09

Using two names isn't a issue. Wanting them to be fluid and use them as you feel like it, will cause a massive headache.

Especially when people use the wiring one. I would stick to either keeping your maiden name or having a professional name and a private life name

SillyOldUncleFeedle Tue 31-May-16 18:03:07

I don't think it is true that you can only have one legal name. I use both my name and my husband's. I do know driving licence and insurance needs to be in same name.

HMRC are aware I use both as are my employers. It's not uncommon in my profession due to security reasons.

allegretto Tue 31-May-16 18:03:56

I'm married and use my maiden name. People refer to us as husbandsname family as all the children have his name and that is fine by me. I think you'll find you don't need two names.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Tue 31-May-16 18:06:42

I think it's possible to have bank accounts in different names. In my profession most people keep their maiden names for work and I'd guess about 2/3s use husband's name at home. It's certainly do-able to have two names but it wasn't for me. I am Miss Maiden Name everywhere. If you have doubts, why not stay as you are until you have children. My DD has my surname as a middle name. When I was pregnant I was quite wound up about the unfairness of the tradition of children taking their father's name, but conceded because DH cared more than me. Now she's here, I don't care at all. I'm her mummy and us having different surnames matters no more than us having different first names.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now