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To wonder how people afford things?

(115 Posts)
FluffleFloffle Tue 31-May-16 12:07:12

I've recently qualified into a profession that has a reputation for being well-paid, however, this is simply not the case and especially not true of those newly qualified.
While I was studying, I worked part-time as a careworker for minimum wage where I met my friend also working as a part-time careworker. She is still there, working the same hours.
Recently, she invited me to her hen do in Barbados! I couldn't afford it so went along to a separate do for her held in London, which still cost quite a bit. There were a few comments made like 'so and so managed to get money together for Barbados and she has 3 kids, such a person afforded it and she's in debt so it's strange that certain other ppl couldn't make the effort' sad

She is returning to Barbados before September and posted one of those countdown screenshots of her calendar on FB over the weekend and has trips to Rome, Paris and Barcelona planned for the next two months too. She also posted pics from the Barbados hen do with a thank you msg to her 'true friends' for making the effort to go sad

I know I ABU to compare myself to others financially and it's none of my business but I just can't get my head around it all. Her fiancé has a minimum wage job and I'm not aware of any other income yet she has these super holidays. Meanwhile, I haven't been abroad for about 5 years as I just can't afford it but she clearly thinks I should be able to. I don't have debts (other than student) and live very carefully but could never afford her lifestyle. I probably sound like a jealous cow now but am just wondering how others have nice holidays and trips on a low income?

ijustwannadance Tue 31-May-16 12:10:05

Drug dealing or massive debts?

Nannawifeofbaldr Tue 31-May-16 12:10:09

Fluffle it's not your business how she can afford it credit just be happy that you are managing your own finances well.

If it makes you feel better, we have a household income in 6 figures and I wouldn't be prepared to go to Barbados for a hen do.

ijustwannadance Tue 31-May-16 12:11:52

Maybe an inheritance?

I have known people get themselves into financial difficulties because they don't get the concept of not having things they can't actually afford.

PPie10 Tue 31-May-16 12:13:02

They must be doing something dodgy on the side, or maybe inheritance. Either way Yanbu and would be crazy to fork out for a hen do in Barbados. That's just insane money to spend for just a party. If she has bigger eyes then silly her.

Stripeybetty Tue 31-May-16 12:14:32

Sadly I can't afford holidays and live on credit. Some of us just don't earn very much. I have family and friends who earn less than me but their outgoings are also much less so they can afford nice cars and holidays. I would rather live in a more interesting city and have less disposable income. You will get there eventually Op. Just give it time. Barbados for a hen do seems crazy to me.

katemiddletonsnudeheels Tue 31-May-16 12:14:44

Two incomes, innit?

Even a minimum wage second income is over £1000 p/m.

crazywriter Tue 31-May-16 12:14:50

It's none of your business or anyone else's. People have asked us how we can afford our big move with 2 kids and it's because we've bloody worked hard to scrimp and save for it. We've cut back on so much that were just about surviving right now but with less than a month less it's worth it.

She may have inheritance or savings from the past that she's using for all this. Maybe her parents want her to travel and have helped her afford it. Maybe she has a side business that you don't know about.

That being said, it's not right of others complaining that some people didn't go to Barbados. We all have different preferences and I wouldn't spend money on a hen do in Barbados. I'd want to holiday there with my family.

NinaNeener Tue 31-May-16 12:16:40

In one of my old jobs there was a cleaner who used to go to New York every Christmas to buy Christmas presents. And she would buy presents not only for her vast extended family but for the neighbours and the neighbours grandkids too.

I remain baffled to this day. I can only presume she had paid off her house (as she was in her 50s) so no mortgage/rent and used a lot of credit cards, as she definitely didn't have anyone in her family who worked for an airline or anything like that.

TheoriginalLEM Tue 31-May-16 12:24:08

credit - it will bite her in the arse one day speaking from bitter experience if it makes you feel better.


FluffleFloffle Tue 31-May-16 12:24:11

Her family don't seem to have the same lifestyle so I don't know if that would rule our parents funding it or inheritance possibly? I wouldn't think she'd be involved in dodgy dealings because she'd have probably let that slip on FB by now too.

I don't get jealous of things like big houses or nice cars, clothes, etc. but I would love to be able to see the world and go on regular holidays so I think this has just rubbed me up the wrong way as I would of course have loved to go to Barbados but just couldn't. And as some of you have said, I'd rather go with family than for a weekend hen do!

sepa Tue 31-May-16 12:27:37

One of them is in debt and still managed to go? Exactly the reason why they are in debt because they can't manage money properly.
I wouldn't go to a hen do I couldn't afford. It annoys me that people have extravagant hen dos/stag dos and then get annoyed when people can't afford them. Have the hen/stag do you want but don't EXPECT people to all come

Grumpyoldblonde Tue 31-May-16 12:28:41

It's either on credit or she has very low living costs probably. But, if any friend of mine got snippy because I couldn't join in with any event, let alone Barbados they would be an ex-friend.

Queenbean Tue 31-May-16 12:30:39

has 3 kids, such a person afforded it and _she's in debt_

There's your answer. Fwiw a friend of mine was like this and I always thought she must have just been a brilliant saver, but she had overdrafts and credit cards totalling about £30k.


SapphireStrange Tue 31-May-16 12:32:26

There were a few comments made like 'so and so managed to get money together for Barbados and she has 3 kids, such a person afforded it and she's in debt so it's strange that certain other ppl couldn't make the effort'

Who made those comments? They're fucking rude.

I don't know the answer, I'm afraid. And it's not two incomes, or not always. DP and I both work full-time and then some, and we don't have DC, but we can't afford the holidays and lifestyle the OP describes.

ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism Tue 31-May-16 12:36:01

I have a few friends who go on big holidays - carribean, america, generally long haul and expensive.

They don't pay for it, their parents do.

The "hen's" parents might be bank rolling her hen expenses and might have no concept of what it takes to save that kinda cash and then blow it all on one or two weeks.

Grumpyoldblonde Tue 31-May-16 12:37:51

And, do your friends really state on Facebook that another friend is in debt? That is really awful if so.

expatinscotland Tue 31-May-16 12:38:10

Why bother yourself about her business? My folks pay for me and my kids to go to America every year and when there, we go on holiday. It's a cruise to the Caribbean this year. Whilst on it, my sister has paid for my elder child to accompany them on excursions. She's also paid for quite a few extras for them because she choses to do. It's her money to do as she pleases and she has low living costs due to an inheritance of her husband's.

Bet there are nosey twunts wondering how we afford it or assuming we have debts so they can sneer (we don't have any debts). MYOB. If what I do rubs up so called friends the wrong way I really hope they do both of us a favour and just fuck off to enjoy their own lives.

ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism Tue 31-May-16 12:39:59

I think there are also people who feel that foreign holidays are a sort of right and won't deprive themselves of them even if it means they struggle in other ways.

I suppose if I didn't pay for the children to do any extra curricular activities throughout the year, and didn't go on any small outtings throughout the year, between termly activity fees and school holiday activities, that might save enough for a week somewhere far away and expensive. But I wouldn't do that.

Newbrummie Tue 31-May-16 12:40:22

She's clearly an escort !
That's what was said about me at the school gates lol

MewlingQuim Tue 31-May-16 12:40:32

It seems normal now for people have a shocking amount of debt.

I have friends who go on holiday 3-4 times a year, but they have lots of credit cards and interest only mortgages. We can't afford holidays every year because we prioritised paying off the mortgage, we have savings and don't have any debts.

You sound sensible to me, and she doesn't sound much of a friend.

ProjectGainsborough Tue 31-May-16 12:41:11

I think a hen do in Barbados is massively extravagant. Good on her if that's what she wants to do, but it's certainly not a thing I'd expect people to be able to get to as a matter of course.

I wonder if the people making the comments are self-justifying having completely whacked themselves out financially to make it.

ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism Tue 31-May-16 12:42:26

that's fine expatinscotland so long as nobody in your party is b*tching about how other people don't "make the effort" to do the same, which I presume you don't.

Once people are speculating on what the OP could spend on going abroad "if she could be bothered", I think it's okay to flip the question on them to ask "have you really just cut back on take away coffees for a few weeks so you can go, or did you in fact get bank-rolled or put yourself into debt"

ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism Tue 31-May-16 12:43:51

She's clearly an escort !
That's what was said about me at the school gates lol

I'ld love to be hot enough for that kinda gossip :-D
at best I'ld probably be called a mule if my spending was inciting gossip!

passingthrough1 Tue 31-May-16 12:43:54

Wow. I'd be able to afford but would say no to a hen in Barbados. Even if you could afford, why should you pay for such a big thing + days off work for someone's hen do? I only want to use my holiday savings and limited days off a year on my own family holidays.

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