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Do you ever need time out from a friendship ?

(14 Posts)
Newbrummie Tue 31-May-16 11:27:39

I feel awful and I wonder if it's just me, maybe it is, but my friend phones at least once a day, often 3 to 4.
Now I don't really have many people in my life so this i have no doubt comes from a place of kindness. We both have a fair amount of crap going on in our lives and I find it does me no good really to talk about it and over analyze. I know it does me no good listening to her problems on a daily basis, it's exhausting and in over a year nothing has changed for her where as I am moving forward.
I feel rotten but I could do with time out.

Queenbean Tue 31-May-16 11:30:08

I think it's absolutely fair to need this sometimes. Friendships are relationships too and sometimes need the same amount of work.

Could you just say to her that youre going mobile free for a week and that you'll talk to her when you're back online again?

SparkyTheCat Tue 31-May-16 11:48:01


Life naturally ebbs and flows: sometimes certain relationships are more intense, other times one or both parties need a bit of space for whatever reason, and that's okay and normal too. The friendships which last are the ones which have sufficient elasticity to cope with this.

CakeNinja Tue 31-May-16 21:20:10

3-4 times a day? shock
Sometimes I don't even want to talk to my own dp that much grin

That sounds quite intense. I'm not sure I could handle that level of communication on a regular basis. What sort of things is she calling to talk about?
Could you ask her to text instead? Then you could respond once a day.

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn Tue 31-May-16 21:24:05

I'd get fed up 3 or 4 times a week! Let alone day, ridiculous.

Take a break from her, don't answer the phone get a call guardian phone and block her number.

ReginaBlitz Tue 31-May-16 21:29:04

I have one the same I just don't answer anymore unless I have a spare hour😣. It's draining and it's always one sided I start to talk and get talked over.

Newbrummie Wed 01-Jun-16 15:55:02

Yeah today i've missed two calls and had 4 messengers about nothing, I feel like i'm in a relationship with her tbh, I've dumped guys for being this intense but I didn't really see it until I saw it written down here. It is too much isn't it.

RememberToSmile1980 Wed 01-Jun-16 15:56:33

Yanbu - sometimes you need time out - it doesn't mean you don't care!

JamieVardysParty Wed 01-Jun-16 16:04:33

This happened with a friend of mine last year. She was contacting me 3-4 times a day through various mediums - often just FB messaging me to say she had text me etc.

It all came to a big blow out where she cancelled a long-planned event/trip as I had not been in contact enough. I was replying to her random, nonsensical messages every other day.

I told her that I couldn't be the only support system for her, that I had too much going on and not enough strength to deal with my issues and hers. She was upset for a while and we didn't speak for 6 weeks or so.

Upside was, she started contacting other people, going out more, making new friends etc. We are back to being good friends now who talk maybe 2 times a week. I've got my sanity back and she has more of a life so is less dependant on me.

bumbleclat Wed 01-Jun-16 16:04:35

Yes! I take little time outs quite regularly. I find it hard work with my husband, step daughter, very busy job, sick mum and house to look after.
I simply don't have enough time to be having cups of tea every five minutes.
I do make an effort in the school holidays to catch up but I wouldn't feel bad about taking some time out.

CrazyDuchess Wed 01-Jun-16 16:05:02

That's very intense 3/4 times a day!

Will you be able to tell her tactfully that you are just busy for the next month or so and expect reduced contact?? Or something like that?? Or do you feel safe enough to enjoy honest in a way that wouldn't ruin your friendship?

Newbrummie Wed 01-Jun-16 16:07:16

I'm going to pretend to get a job and then get a job !!!! It'll give me 8 hours a day off and I'll be flat out the other 16 !!

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Wed 01-Jun-16 16:09:37

That sounds really intense tbh,I wouldn't like that at all. Texting is ok, calling so often is intrusive.

mizuzu Wed 01-Jun-16 16:23:48

YANBU she is an energy vampire, I had one of these before, The girl literally drained my existence, so glad when i got rid of her.
I dont know how close you are with this woman but question if you can go on because it is not fair on you

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