AIBU to want him to grow up?

(5 Posts)
Elbebeylaperra Tue 31-May-16 10:17:41

My DH and I have been married almost 3 years and have a 13 wk old baby. Over the period of being married he has had a horrible habit of staying out all night drinking, not telling me where he is, what he is doing or when he'll be back. Nor respond to my messages or calls. At its worst point it was every couple of weeks, and on occasions I've also contacted the police (101) and hospitals I was so worried.
At times I've tried to get him to move out and take some time to 'get it out the system' but he has always made me feel guilty as he has nowhere to go and, well I love him. I've wondered if it is because he is younger (6years) and also as he moved countries to be with me and that I've not been fair to him.
The issue, though much better, is still happening- this morning I woke at 3.30 to do night feed and noticed he still wasn't home- he finished work at 11. No messages. I rang and no answer. He then called at 4am to say he had a puncture so was walking home. Now that's fine, but I knew it was only half the truth and when at 5.30am still no DH in bed I went downstairs to find him passed out on sofa stinking of booze. (The bike did have a flat tyre!) I was so angry I woke him up with a glass of water in the face :/ and told him I wanted him out the house, basically pushed him out. (This was me BU I can see that now the red mist has cleared..) He then battered the door til I let him in again as I felt bad for neighbours- and our DS asleep. He is refusing to leave as he has 'done nothing wrong.' He is now still asleep on the sofa downstairs and I've been up, done shopping, washing and feeling pretty shit and really just needed a rant and advice- AIBU? Should I accept this behaviour?

ChicRock Tue 31-May-16 10:24:11

You were a fool to let him back in. He keeps behaving like this and there are no consequences, in fact you went on to have a child with him knowing he was like this. So what's different this time?

coco1810 Tue 31-May-16 11:50:43

Totally agree with chickrock you have one baby. You don't need to be parenting him. He needs to go and grow up asap!

Elbebeylaperra Tue 31-May-16 11:56:06

I know I know... But if he physically refuses to leave? the closest I got was when I was pregnant and he did it, and I bottled it cos I was scared to have the baby alone... I need to grow a spine and stick to my guns, as I would tell any of my friends to do the same

Buckinbronco Tue 31-May-16 12:19:18

I have a friend who has this problem. I think you have more than one option. The second is to accept that when he goes out he will be out all night and get battered. Don't ring round, don't call the police, don't call him. There is nothing wrong with him, he's getting pissed. Accept him as a bit to a party animal/ easily led/ not particularly wanting to come home and decide from today it doesn't matter. Because, tbh, unless you're being left with the children regularly and unfairly, it doesn't, really.

The other is to instigate a divorce. Not especially easy to get him out the house when he doesn't want to leave but play the long game. It took me 14 months to get exH out- 6 months to accept it was over and 8 to get finances in order for a second mortgage. Play the long game.

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