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DH almost has another side

(9 Posts)
lilacandblue Mon 30-May-16 23:50:14

My DH is wonderful and very caring. However when with me I sometimes feel he can be quite negative. Feeling down about work etc. His life has been pretty rubbish and without going into detail he has a lot of family baggage. I find it quite draining but do support him.

I often hear a lot of people speaking really well of him; how he is the life and soul of a party etc. Keeps everyone laughing and the atmosphere bright. Am I unreasonable to think that he should be this way with me too? We've been to a party tonight and people spoke really well of him which made me really proud but part of me couldn't help feeling that he isn't always like that around me.

I know real life isn't always a bag of laughs and he shares his life with me whereas these people see him in pleasant circumstances and therefore only see this bright side. If I ever say to him that he should brighten up he says that I'm the one person that he can share all this with.

Please be gentle; he has had a tough life but we have also been through a lot of rubbish together which life has just thrown at us.

Just looking for some other perspectives.

A11TheSmallTh1ngs Mon 30-May-16 23:59:58

It would be better if he could have someone else to dump on as well - maybe a therapist.

Also can you both try to have more fun together? Do more activities.

Oh and Ignore the people who will arrive soon telling you to LTB!

lilacandblue Tue 31-May-16 00:07:50

Yes defo need to have more fun together. All we tend to do is go out for meals or have takeaways. I think it's a bit of emotional eating too.

He isn't an actual moaner about his circumstances/ life but he does often get bogged down with it - doesn't say much but his body language etc says it all. If I suggested a therapist he would say there's 'nothing wrong with my life , I've got a lot to be grateful for'. He's one of those guys that will go out his way to help people and makes others problems his problem but I feel it's at OUR expense sometimes

MrHannahSnell Tue 31-May-16 00:21:26

DW says the same about me. I tell her the stuff with other people is all an act and she is the only person I trust enough to be honest with. It seems your DH may feel the same. Not sure if this helps, but at least you know you are not the only one going through it.

A11TheSmallTh1ngs Tue 31-May-16 00:47:28

I would switch to an activity for date night stuff - exercise can produce endorphins - cycling or dancing or a movie or cooking class or something that gives you something to talk about.

Break the routine a bit! Flirt with him a bit - force him to flirt back at you instead of just dumping emotions on you. Buy some lingerie together. Go on a dirty weekend!

I know it sounds a bit trite but sometimes we become so serious in relationships, it's nice to shake things up. Don't tell him not to be serious with you, just create non serious situations to have fun in.

enterYourPassword Tue 31-May-16 00:58:49

I like a11's ideas. It sound sould like with you OP, he lets his guard down whereas when he's "the life and soul" he's forcing it a bit. Isnt that the way we should be within our marriages? Unfortunately it means we get the ugly side too, when everything does get too much, we're the ones who see it whereas at work or around others, the façade's maintained.

lilacandblue Tue 31-May-16 17:53:37

They sound like wonderful ideas, thank you.

lilacandblue Tue 31-May-16 18:18:33

They sound like wonderful ideas, thank you. We are in our 20's but grown old well before our time!

A11TheSmallTh1ngs Tue 31-May-16 23:25:03

Wow, you are young! Live it up - good luck! Am crossing my fingers for you!

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