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Starting to get frustrated with dsis

(27 Posts)
NeedACleverNN Mon 30-May-16 20:10:21

My niece(5) had a birthday party in Saturday and I've still yet to receive any form of thank you for her gift.

There was no time at the party because it was a proper disco based party so lots of people, lots of gifts. There was a table that all the gifts were placed on and I made sure I taped the cards to the present so that dsis knew it was from us. Still nothing.

We are a bit uneasy at the moment with each other after Christmas tbh. Dsis bought nothing for my two dc for Christmas. She then avoided me at all costs. I was hurt but understood. She had just had a new baby so didn't have much money. Fine. What annoyed me more is that she never said thank you for the presets I bought dniece or dnephew. I had given them to my mum to give to dsis because she lives 30 mins car drive away and we have no way of getting to her.

It's starting to really irritate me and makes me wish I don't bloody bother. But I can't. The children are innocent and don't deserve to be caught up in all this

exexpat Mon 30-May-16 20:13:59

Saturday, as in two days ago? They are probably still recovering from the party.

EarthboundMisfit Mon 30-May-16 20:14:35

Christmas...she was probably embarrassed. Not excusing it, but might explain.
Recent...it's been two days of a busy weekend. Give the woman a chance.

Welshmaenad Mon 30-May-16 20:15:43

It's been 48 hours on a BH weekend. Chill the fuck out.

NeedACleverNN Mon 30-May-16 20:16:42

We also helped tidy up the hall after the party and I looked after her baby for half of the party so she could get on.

She's already been on FB. Would it really kill her to drop a message and say lovely day sat. Btw xxx loved her present

Numberoneisgone Mon 30-May-16 20:20:22

There will be loads who agree with you but I would not expect a thank you from siblings, we have a v good relationship so no big gestures needed. I think you are being really unfair about Xmas if she had just had a baby.

Nannawifeofbaldr Mon 30-May-16 20:32:56

In the 13 years since my niece was born I have never had a thank you note of any kind. I very occasionally get a verbal thank you.

They get a written note, originally by me, now by the DC's for every gift.

It's one of these social shibboleths which divide people. It's important to me that we say thank you properly, I'm much, much less bothered about receiving thanks back.

I certainly wouldn't withhold gifts. It's not my niece's fault - her parents haven't raised her to say thank you.

NeedACleverNN Mon 30-May-16 20:36:08

Prehaps my sister is one of those who think thank you are friends and not family.

She will go out of her way to say thank you to a friend for a gift.

DailyMailAreAFuckingJoke Mon 30-May-16 20:40:45

It is annoying. I have spent years sending birthday and Christmas gifts, Easter eggs, contributions towards special school trips or events and rewards for competition wins and exam successes. I can count on one hand the number of times I have had a 'thank you' from either my siblings or their children.

It rankles a bit. I don't have DC and we don't buy for adults in my family. I don't give to receive but seeing as they will never need to fork out for me, I find it a bit frustrating that they can't even take the time to say thanks.

CatchIt Mon 30-May-16 20:40:55

If it had been a week or 10 days, I'd say YANBU but it's been 2, you need to give her a chance to get over the weekend and be able to write any thank you's.

I once received a thank you from sil 3 months after Christmas, so I understand how annoying it is.

ilovesooty Mon 30-May-16 20:47:00

YANBU

A text would have taken a few seconds.

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn Mon 30-May-16 20:51:52

YANBU. But is this common for her? My sister has never thanked me for a present for my nephews, even when I have handed to them right there. She didn't say thank you back when I used to buy her presents either. I hate it as it's rude but I have to put up with it.

I find a lot of people don't say thank you these days, ever. Sometimes I swear manners are becoming lost in a day and age when it takes 20 seconds to type a text saying "thanks for X's present"

NeedACleverNN Mon 30-May-16 20:52:55

Never used to be common for her.

We used to get on ok. I'm not sure where it all went wrong really

RaeSkywalker Mon 30-May-16 20:59:25

Maybe she's getting your niece to write/ make thank you cards?

NeedACleverNN Mon 30-May-16 21:41:08

No chance. She's not that formal.

FB/texts is about as far as it would go with her

RaeSkywalker Mon 30-May-16 22:09:34

I would've probably sent a text to thank you if I was her. Don't write her off yet though, and try not to dwell. I wonder if she feels awkward because she can't reciprocate the gifts?

NeedACleverNN Mon 30-May-16 22:47:02

She can now

Her financial situation has improved massively since Christmas (just bought a new second hand car for £1000)

leelu66 Mon 30-May-16 22:51:27

If she doesn't give you presents for your DC! then I personally would stop getting presents fo her DC. There is no law to say nieces and nephews have to get presents.

I didn't get presents from my uncles and aunts as a child (unless I had a party) and I don't think I particularly cared.

How did your DC feel about not receiving gifts from your sis?

Lovelydiscusfish Mon 30-May-16 23:51:24

May be cross posting with other, but isn't she probably getting your dn to write the thank you cards? This takes lots of time with a preschooler (think your dn is this age?) imhe. Dd has just written her last thank you card, to my db's DP, to be presented to db to pass on to her when he comes over tomorrow. It is a full six weeks after dd's birthday. I'm not at home with her as work full time, so with one thing or another it has genuinely taken this long to get her to complete all the cards.

Gide Tue 31-May-16 00:00:00

Give her a chance, it's been 2 days! Saying that, I stopped sending my db's DCs money, which I had to change as they live abroad, cos I never had a thank you and asked my dsil if they'd got the money one time, to get a cursory 'yes, why?' type answer. Stop giving presents!

Mumberjack Tue 31-May-16 00:13:24

YANBU

MyNewBearTotoro Tue 31-May-16 00:22:15

Gosh. I never send thank you cards for my DC's gifts and I've never received them from any of my friends children either. Remember writing them out as a child (and hating doing it) but didn't realise this was still a thing. blush

I'd expect a thank you when handing over a gift or acknowledgment it had been received when posting a gift but if I left it on a present table, and thus knew it had been received, I wouldn't really expect a thank you text/ note etc. I'd probably just ask the parent if the child liked the gift next time I saw them.

Clearly me

VenusRising Tue 31-May-16 00:33:14

Stop giving presents if they don't even acknowledge them.

I'm rather old fashioned, and no "thank you" card means they hated the gift, and don't feel like thanking me for it, so I don't bother after that.

Buy presents for your own DCs if you prefer! One bitten twice shy and all that.

GarlicSteak Tue 31-May-16 00:55:25

Why can't you just ask her to say thank you? confused

Or if you're a beating-about-the-bush family, ask her if the gift was OK.

Iflyaway Tue 31-May-16 01:11:26

(just bought a new second hand car for £1000)

What has this to do with the fact she hasn't acknowledged your gift within a few days?

If she doesn't tend to put the same importance on politeness that you do, forget it or you will be running yourself around in circles for evermore.

Annoying yes, but there are more important things in life. Just accept she doesn't have your lovely manners. smile

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