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to tell my mother what it appears she wants to hear?

(32 Posts)
CustardLover Mon 30-May-16 19:38:40

I've just got another long email from my mother, generally documenting all the ways in which I fail as a mother myself ("your DC should eat more red meat, you're making them weak... Their toothbrushes are too close to the taps so when people wash their hands, they might 'flick germs' on them...why did you work past their bedtime (once!) last week, don't you realise you're damaging their mental health, pining for you? This is what feminism has done; women drinking pints of beer,getting cancer from stress and damaging their family...") but my particular favourite was when she recounted an episode from the past week, when she minded my DC, when my youngest DS (2) apparently head butted his brother (5) on the cheek when he dived for a snatched toy. She is amazed by this. AMAZED. She has never, ever, ever experienced two siblings fighting over a toy and nor has she ever seen a 2yo having a tantrum IN HER LIFE. Never. The repeated questions she is asking of me, non-rhetorical, is "where has he learned his behaviour? Where? Who has been teaching him this behaviour?" (essentially someone is TO BLAME).

WIBU to just reply "oh, he was probably remembering that time that I surprise headbutted him after working late - I was very, very stressed and I think I might be a bit anaemic as I only had steak three times that week."

ToadsforJustice Mon 30-May-16 19:43:52

I'm sorry OP, but I did laugh at the "flicking of germs into toothbrushes". I wouldn't respond. I would set up my emails so that her mail went straight into the permanent delete box. She sounds like a loon. not a helpful comment.

pictish Mon 30-May-16 19:45:11

You should absolutely send that reply!

OhBigHairyBollocks Mon 30-May-16 19:47:33

Send that reply
Might shut her up grin

Bolograph Mon 30-May-16 19:48:27

You do have to ponder the sanity of people who manage to write pieces of email like that and not think part way though "too unhinged? maybe?"

I was once told that the secret of writing to newspapers (back when one wrote to newspapers) was to compose the perfect paragraph, eviscerating whatever it was you felt needed eviscerating, and then chuck the letter away because if your friends see it they will laugh. That way in your head you were both right and possessed of commanding prose, but no-one gets the chance to laugh at you.

Zaphodsotherhead Mon 30-May-16 19:48:31

Have you got any siblings? Anyone who could back you up if you sent an email along the lines of 'oh, I must have told him about that time that X and I had that four hour argument/tantrum about the red bus/stolen biscuit/book on the floor in the butchers that time, remember? And you were horrified and embarrassed and said you'd never take us into town again, ever?'

GeekyWombat Mon 30-May-16 19:49:33

WIBU to just reply "oh, he was probably remembering that time that I surprise headbutted him after working late - I was very, very stressed and I think I might be a bit anaemic as I only had steak three times that week."

Custard, you're brilliant and that made me laugh out loud, although I'm sorry you're getting these kind of crapmails through.

I'd definitely not reply to the email either. It's funny how aggressive spam bots are nowadays and things just disappear into the ether...

Gide Mon 30-May-16 20:25:41

I think your mum is mental, sorry. Does she know about particles of poo hanging round in the air for FIVE hours after the loo has been used? Maybe you could make her some toothbrush covers for her bathroom? Like those old fashioned knitted ones my gran used to have. Marvellous!

timelytess Mon 30-May-16 20:27:56

"Thanks, mum, I'll bear that in mind. When are you having the children again?"

Justbeingnosey123 Mon 30-May-16 20:31:14

If you reply can you please ask her for a list of where she shops, goes to lunch, generally spends her time to have never seen a 2 year old tantrum?? I would like to visit these magical places one day! wink

RunRabbitRunRabbit Mon 30-May-16 20:31:56

Another long email? How many mad-mails do you get?

Why would you let someone that unhinged look after your small children?

Hissy Mon 30-May-16 20:39:17

Agree send the reply.

With an additional paragraph:

Mother, if you send another mail like this, I'll block you.

Continue to pick away and criticise every nano second of my life, and I'll block you from that too.

Last warning.

She does this and your allowing it somehow.

If she wasn't there at the conception of your kids, she has no right to input.

CodyKing Mon 30-May-16 20:42:39

Why? Just why?

gamerchick Mon 30-May-16 20:44:56

Ah the criticising I'm familier. Sometimes you have to be harsh and to stfu to reign them in from time to time. It doesn't last long but it's welcome peace.

Only send that as long as she takes it in the spirit it's sent and not throw a wobble, take it seriously type of thing. Our words can be used against us.

AnotherUsernameBitesTheDust Mon 30-May-16 20:45:45

"Yes, mother, you are right, I am a complete failure as a mother. I will hand them over to Social Services tomorrow afternoon for adoption, please visit in the morning to say goodbye to them."

CustardLover Mon 30-May-16 20:49:04

Oh, Anotherusername, your one is MUCH better. The only thing is, she is probably just come around and take them away herself. She did tell me about a year ago (this is verbatim) "well a grandmother's love is even more than a mother's love and I know that because I had you".

(I love her very much. I really do. I really do.)

Lovemylittlebears Mon 30-May-16 20:50:04

Message her back, "thanks did you see the remote when you were last over we can't find it?" Something of the sort to wind her up smile

OwlinaTree Mon 30-May-16 20:50:53

My mum is nothing like that critical, but she does like to paint herself as mum of the century. I just smile to myself remembering the (fairly unremarkably) reality!

Sorry op, it sound like a nightmare.

Nannawifeofbaldr Mon 30-May-16 20:51:13

It would be a long while before I asked her to babysit again after that...

RunRabbitRunRabbit Mon 30-May-16 20:52:35

Have you read Toxic Parents yet? Or headed over to the Stately Homes thread in relationships? You will find people in similar situations over there.

Lovemylittlebears Mon 30-May-16 20:57:52

If it makes you feel any better my mum once had to win zip all of my faults to me via email - it was that long and that was before I had kids smile

gamerchick Mon 30-May-16 21:01:20

God that is bad love shock I hope you told her where to go.

CustardLover Mon 30-May-16 21:04:45

Oh love, I am sorry to hear that. But your suggested reply was also genius. It might send her finally over the edge with shit-daughter rage, but nevertheless, genius.

Lovemylittlebears Mon 30-May-16 21:06:57

Lol I just made it clear I wouldn't be humouring it her. Was pretty bad at the time as I was quite young and they all had moved abroad but I kind of thought- her behaviour has come from somewhere - she has gone through a lot of shit and it influences who she is as a person...the choices she makes etc...I don't have to like them but I do love her so I forgive them but I draw a line under anything i won't tolerate and I'm learning not to make the same mistakes with my kids - I hope confused lol on a funny note she was fantastic when I gave both to my children which I was shocked about- really helpful lol until she said - that is bad (looks at stomach) you will need a tummy tuck...haha

ChaseAvenal Mon 30-May-16 21:06:58

Can you reply with simply 'K.' grin

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