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Invited on pricey stag weekend but not to the wedding? AIBU?

(144 Posts)
Remm89 Mon 30-May-16 08:55:40

Morning All!

Need some advice about stag/wedding invites …….

A couple, that both my fiancé and I went to school with and know fairly well, are getting married in Autumn.

We knew from mutual friends that save-the-dates went out earlier this year and neither of us were surprised to not make the short list - weddings are expensive and they aren't close friends.

This weekend however the groom has invited my fiancé on the stag weekend for October half term.

The stag is a 5 day trip to Germany (I believe Berlin)!!

My fiancé mentioned it on Saturday night to me and both agreed that we can't afford it as we are saving for our own wedding in 2017.

Anyway, fiancé has just woken up to an email from the best man which reads…

"Hey X,
Good to catch up yesterday. Know things might be tight at the moment so hope this will help. I will be EPIC! "

And attached is the receipt for EasyJet flights in my fiancé's name! He had no idea!!!

My fiancé is mortified but doesn't know what to do?

AIBU? This is ridiculous right?!?!

Squeegle Mon 30-May-16 08:57:30

Crazy. It's not the flights that are expensive, it's everything else, plus the holiday that needs to be taken from work.

TheWitTank Mon 30-May-16 08:57:50

Yes, absolutely ridiculous. Your OH needs to ring straight away and ask what is going on. Bonkers.

Squeegle Mon 30-May-16 08:57:50

He can just say thanks but no thanks

Balletgirlmum Mon 30-May-16 08:58:53

It's a lovely thought of the groom but he has failed to realise that many people can't just swan off for 5 days for family/work reasons.

seeyounearertime Mon 30-May-16 08:59:29

Reply back with saying,
"No thanks, i dont want to go, i dont know why you'd buy plane tickets for me without asking me?"

londonrach Mon 30-May-16 08:59:47

Phone up and talk to the groom who should not have booked at all without checking if you dh was coming, free. Not your dh fault the groom has wasted money.

coconutpie Mon 30-May-16 08:59:53

That is ridiculous!! The flight pro only costs a few quid and would be the cheapest part of the trip. He needs to tell him that he cannot go, it is just too expensive and he doesn't have the capacity to take days off work in order to attend. The guy sounds really passive aggressive to book the flight and therefore trying to railroad him into attending. I'd be pretty pissed off.

Zaurak Mon 30-May-16 09:00:18

" hi mate, really kind of you to pay for the flight but I'm going to have to decline. Just can't afford a big weekend away at the moment. Best of luck, have a great time and I'll look forward to seeing the pics on FB."

coconutpie Mon 30-May-16 09:00:49

*pro should say part!

PirateFairy45 Mon 30-May-16 09:01:49

Is he expecting the money back for the flight? If so tell him he shouldn't have booked without his knowledge

PinkyOfPie Mon 30-May-16 09:02:05

OMG! I wonder if they've had hardly any people saying they'll go! How awkward. Just say "so sorry but now we've actually made plans", they can get the names changed for around £50 I think meaning someone else can go

expatinscotland Mon 30-May-16 09:03:04

Holy shit! He needs to reply immediately. 'Thanks for the gesture, but I truly cannot afford to attend this do, even with my flight paid for. Please accept my apologies. I thought I had made it clear that I cannot afford to attend.'

Personally, the groom is being very presumptuous, especially as you're not invited to the wedding.

I would not offer to pay him back, either. Your fiance never asked for this.

Nocabbageinmyeye Mon 30-May-16 09:03:44

shock eh cheeky!!

I'd message back "Morning x, great to catch up! I have no doubt it will be an epic weekend, I appreciate the gesture but it doesn't change anything I'm afraid as I still won't be going, I'm sure you meant well but I would have you didn't put me in an awkward position. Enjoy the weekend"

araiba Mon 30-May-16 09:04:00

"thanks for the generous offer, see you at airport- prost!"

BippityBoppityBullshit Mon 30-May-16 09:06:52

So the best man has bought the ticket for him? I think the best way to approach it is to call. Tell the truth. That he feels as he is no longer close enough to warrant an invitation to the wedding - and that he completely understands this- he feels he is no longer close enough to the groom to warrant spending the associated costs and taking that time off for his stag.

acasualobserver Mon 30-May-16 09:08:14

It's a lovely thought of the groom

It's anything but. It's arrogant and presumptuous. Say no.

bakingaddict Mon 30-May-16 09:09:00

I think your DP has been invited and had his plane tickets bought because lots of the other stags are dropping out and the groom is seriously worried everyone will be a no show

Nocabbageinmyeye Mon 30-May-16 09:09:56

And I wouldn't be overly apologetic about it either, this is pressure disguised as a nice gesture. I agree with pp I would say numbers are very low

Remm89 Mon 30-May-16 09:09:57

Just to clarify - I'm not sure if the groom knows about this!

It looks like the best man booked it (he is organising the stag)

TendonQueen Mon 30-May-16 09:11:48

We really need a 'Batshit wedding problems' topic. It's getting ridiculous.

Tell him it's very kind but it's still not affordable plus it won't be possible to get the time off work. And tell him to enjoy his epic trip hmm End of story.

Pearlman Mon 30-May-16 09:12:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SerenityReynolds Mon 30-May-16 09:13:18

That is weird and presumptuous. Especially as you don't believe you've been invited to the wedding! I also wonder if a lot of people have declined and the groom/best man are desperately trying to make it more appealing by paying for probably the cheapest thing.

Your OH needs to ring the groom and thank him but make it clear that it's still not doable for him, and that's not only to do with costs. Why would he take 3 days leave for a stag do (assuming part of it is over a weekend), pay for accommodation, spending money, especially when he's not even considered a close enough friend to invite to the wedding?

seeyounearertime Mon 30-May-16 09:13:57

i wouldnt be apologetic, appreciative, or any other nice emotion. I'd be pissed and give a very direct reply. I'd be tempted to tell the best man to fold the tickets nicely, dip in vaseline and shove so far up his arse that he'll need a member of the cabin crew to serve drinks in his sphincter. cheeky fucker.

expatinscotland Mon 30-May-16 09:14:02

Doesn't matter who booked it. It's beyond presumptuous to assume anyone has the ability to afford a 5-day expensive stag do. He needs to be FIRM, not over-apologetic or give reasons. Just 'I am still unable to afford to attend, so I cannot.'

I wouldn't mention not being invited to the wedding, but that's a helluva cheek to try to rope him into this.

Five days?! Abroad. That's fucking ridiculous.

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