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Am I being unreasonable to still be blaming everyone else? Regarding my son's accident. Mainly his Daycare.

(61 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

DeJong01 Sun 29-May-16 20:27:31

Hi,

I'm from The Netherlands, so please bear with me.

At the beginning of January, my very special little boy lost his life.

He started Daycare when he was 3, it was a nice local one and it was so family like. I had looked at bigger ones and they seemed to just not fit what my son needed, so we went for the smaller one. He loved it there.

He would go on a Daycare Outing once a week. Usually the park or one time a month they would take him to a bigger trip out. The zoo for example.

He was 4 at the time, and they were taking the children to a fun park place. There were rides, and characters and some lovely little things for the children to do. I hadn't even been but I of course assumed it would be good, as his Daycare had chosen it.

There was a certain things which children his age could participate in which were mainly bouncy castles or things similar. I had him in the care of his Daycare, assuming that they would risk assess these things. I do not believe the floor protection was enough and I think any normal adult could see that. I don't know why anyone let any of the 4 year olds take part in it.

My son fell on to the floor, there was no protection. I still blame the workers at the place and the Daycare workers who didn't bother to think of safety. I am in pieces that no one else seems to see why I still have so much rage in me. They tell me not to blame other people as it isn't their fault and just a terrible accident. However, if things were done properly it never would have happened. I'm sorry, I finished counselling last week (I had 12 sessions) and I would have had a session today, so I think that's just what's making me need to express this anger again.

Samcro Sun 29-May-16 20:29:32

Sorry cant advise but so sorry for your loss

sailawaywithme Sun 29-May-16 20:29:47

I am so sorry for your loss. I'm afraid I don't have any practical advice - other than to continue with therapy if you can - but I just wanted you to know that I have heard your story, and I'm so sorry. I'm praying for you, your son and the rest of your family.

Sleeplessinmybedroom Sun 29-May-16 20:30:20

You have every reason to be angry. They were meant to keep him safe but they didn't. I'm so sorry for the loss of your wonderful boy.

StarlingMurmuration Sun 29-May-16 20:30:58

I'm so sorry you lost your lovely little boy. I'm so sorry. I don't think you're unreasonable at all to feel like you do, I think it's perfectly natural. Will there be an inquest?

Creampastry Sun 29-May-16 20:32:06

I really have no idea but it sounds like a terrible accident and you need to blame someone as then you can focus your grief/anger in that person, and you don't have this. I have no suggestions which is no good but wish you all the best in coming to terms with this somehow - but oh so much easier said than done.

Iguessyourestuckwithme Sun 29-May-16 20:34:04

I am so sorry about your son sad

wheresthel1ght Sun 29-May-16 20:35:12

I am so sorry you have had this loss

I might be being dense but I am not sure how he came to lose his life so it really isn't possible to determine if it was a genuine accident or a result of negligence.

Grief is horrible and it helps to have someone to blame because it is easier for us to deal with than a completely tragic accident.

Please see your doctor and get more counselling, it very much sounds like you need it

FindoGask Sun 29-May-16 20:36:18

No-one could say you are being unreasonable to feel the way you do; I think I would probably feel the same. I'm just so sorry, what a horrific thing to have happened.

IoraRua Sun 29-May-16 20:37:50

Grief is a horrible thing. I'm so sorry for your loss. January is very recent, do you feel ready to step away from the counselling or do you feel there is still so much you need to explore?

SolomanDaisy Sun 29-May-16 20:38:52

I remember reading about this (I am also in the Netherlands and have a four-year-old), it must have been terrible for you. It was around Christmas as well wasn't it? I can understand why you feel so angry, it's natural to want to find a focus for the anger after an utterly inexplicable loss. Is there an investigation taking place? I remember being shocked by how far he'd fallen, it sounds like a really high bouncy castle.

justmyview Sun 29-May-16 20:47:06

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Penfold007 Sun 29-May-16 20:54:51

OP I am so very sorry for your recent and very tragic loss. Twelve counselling sessions doesn't sound like enough especially as your loss is so new. Can you access more counselling and support?

OptimisticSix Sun 29-May-16 20:58:10

So very sorry for your loss. My littlest boy turned 5 last month and I can't even begin to imagine that heartbreak you must be enduring. As for the anger, I would feel angry too, I lost my beloved grandad a few years ago and even now I feel angry sometimes. So sorry again xxx

MerryInthechelseahotel Sun 29-May-16 20:58:58

I am so so sorry to hear about your son's accident. flowers

I hope op doesn't mind you posting that link justmyview

bakeoffcake Sun 29-May-16 21:01:00

just I don't think you should link that unless you have the OPs permission!

She may want her privacy.

Unless the Op says it's ok you should ask for it to be deleted.

Iknownuffink Sun 29-May-16 21:04:06

You are not being unreasonable to be angry, I would be too.

So, so sorry for your loss.

Foofoobum Sun 29-May-16 21:05:42

Anger is a very natural grief response and given the circumstances you've stated here (I didn't read link) I understand why you'd be looking for someone to blame.

I have no idea whether there's an investigation into what happened but it's definitely something worth pursuing of not.,if it is shown that the day care or amusement park were negligent you could take legal action yourself.

Don't let anyone tell you you shouldn't be angry but also try to find a balance so the anger doesn't consume you.

I am so terribly sorry for your tragic loss. I send much love you way x

NellWilsonsWhiteHair Sun 29-May-16 21:10:00

I am so so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and your son. flowers

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn Sun 29-May-16 21:13:49

So sorry for your loss. flowers

It's understandable you will want someone to blame. Anyone would. It does sound like a tragic accident but I'd still want the park to take some responsibility and make sure changes were made so it couldn't happen again. It should never have happened in the first place. sad

SquinkiesRule Sun 29-May-16 21:14:15

YANBU I imagine I would be very angry at everyone if this had been my son.
I don't believe anyone gets over the loss of a child, I know my grandmother never did, and my mother was a teen when her little brother died she too carry it with her.
You carry on and do the best you can, and day by day over the years you feel better and cope better, but you never forget or let go of the one you have lost.
Please go back and have more counciling, talk about him, celebrate him, he's still your child. Concentrate on remembering all the wonderful things about him.

FrameyMcFrame Sun 29-May-16 21:18:11

Sending love to you.You are right to be angry.

bombayflambe Sun 29-May-16 21:26:42

OP, I am so sorry for your loss.
It is absolutely natural and understandable that you look for someone or somewhere to place blame for your tragedy.

Alibobbob Sun 29-May-16 21:29:51

I am sorry for your loss you have every right to feel the way you do. Please carry one with the counselling if you can.

Be gentle with yourself and take the time you need to heal.

X

DeJong01 Sun 29-May-16 21:34:14

Thank you all for the comments. Honestly, I wasn't planning on posting any links to things...

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