I'm frustrated at my life, jealous and angry(38 Posts)
I really am just so frustrated with my life at 27. It's nothing that I wanted. Everything I didn't want I have and everything I wanted I don't have.
Today at Tesco I bumped into an old school friend, she's married and just had her second child. Everytime I go somewhere I bump into old classmates/people from uni and all of them are married with children and it makes me seeth with anger and jealousy.
I don't trust men and fear intimacy, so a relationship is off the cards. I know this makes me sound like a monster, but I've been thinking about ruining other peoples marriages, because if I can't have it, then neither can they. I'm just so frustrated and angry.
I guess you need to work on your fear of men and intimacy or re evaluate what you want from life as the very negative feelings you describe will only harm you.
This sounds like a pat answer but the right therapy and coaching really can help you to unpack all your own issues and address them.
It's bloody hard work but I'm living proof that it works.
What ever the reason is for you not trusting men and fearing intimacy have you ever thought of counselling to talk it over with somebody?
At 27, you can change your life and be whoever you want.
I think not many people end up with the lives they imagined when young, life nearly always has other ideas.
Thinking of ruining other people's marriages because it's something you don't have is a bit unreasonable, although I understand why you feel that way from what you've wrote
I think it sounds like you need therapy to try and work through these fears. Ruining someone else's marriage will only make you feel worse.
How do you feel you've ruined your life? What have you achieved and what would you like to achieve? I think your 27 and it's very young, be kind to your self. I sometimes feel frustrated that my life wasn't as expected but then quite frankly if I sit and dwell on it I'm not making it better.
A relationship may be off the cards at the moment. But it doesn't have to be forever, if you take steps to resolve your feelings. A relationship is only off the cards forever, if you want to be off the cards.
If it's got to the point you are considering trying to ruin people's relationships, you need to get some outside help. It's not healthy for you.
Sorry you are feeling so low
At 27 you have plenty of time to sort your life out however you choose to. I was divorced with a 6 year old at 29 and went on to remarry and have another child. I wrote a post on Netmums (!) at the time saying my life was over. I genuinely believed that at the time. I was unemployed, in huge debt and my now ex dh left me for another woman (the girlfriend he'd had before me). It took me a long time to come back from that but I did. Yes life isn't all roses - we have a severely disabled child and are still poor but overall life is good.
Don't write your life off at 27. Sometimes you need to pick everything apart and start again.
Ex-DH left me when I was 26. I thought I'd be alone for ever, men were fucking bastards and I'd just have to get used to being celibate.
I met now-DH at 27 and twenty-two years later we're very happy.
Get some therapy, change your mindset. You have your whole life ahead of you.
I am on the spectrum which has made my life so difficult. I struggle so much with socialising. I need specialist therapy which I can't afford and isn't available on NHS.
The universe seems to configure itself to give us what we expect. In order to change your lot in life you need to change the way you think.
If you woke up one morning to find you'd suffered a stroke or killed someone in a car accident you'd look back at your life now and realise you had many things to be grateful for.
You need to work out how to change your mindset by spending a little time each day being grateful for something and thinking about things that make you happy. Keep practising it and you'll start to realise that compared to half the population of the world you are indeed very lucky.
Imagine for a moment you're a Syrian child who's lost their whole family and looking at an empty future in a war torn country! Life is not as bad as you think.
Try to be grateful for what you have, try to be kind and caring, and try to be genuinely happy for the success and happiness of people you care about and things will start to shift.
Negative emotions bring negative things. Letting go of all that bitterness and resentment will totally transform your life I promise you. . You'll start attracting the things you want in life.
I'm sure you'll find a wonderful partner and everything will follow.
It starts with being grateful for what you have.
Which Buddhist retreat if you don't mind me asking? I would love to do something like this.
My life is 100% the opposite of how I want it and I am going to change it all over the next year one step at a time. I am tired of being tired and fed up of feeling fed up. Jealousy and bitterness consume and overwhelm me.
Please get help OP, you're still so very young, let this bitterness become nothing more than a phase of your life, learn from it and move on. If you don't you face a very lonely, miserable future.
BTW what kind of therapy do you think you need that is not available on the NHS? It sounds like you'd really benefit from some cognitive behavioural therapy. If you let your doctor know how low your mood is they should be able to refer you although there may be a wait.
Get in touch with local charities too, they may be able to help. Sometimes these organisations offer free or low cost counselling. For example Mind is a charity that may have a counselling service in your area.
The belief that nothing good is going to happen to you and that a relationship is impossible is a cognitive distortion and seeing a counsellor will certainly help.
Oh, OP, no one's life turns how they planned or wanted it to be.
At 27 your life will change and theirs will too.
You realise why you have these thoughts, that's the first step.
Snazarooney in case April doesn't see your question or you live in the North, I have been on one recently at the Buddhist Centre in Ulverston which was enjoyable.
I am trying mindfulness op and I believe the charity Mind is very good too.
FlowersAndShit . Yes it is hard sometimes! When I find myself wallowing in self pity, I look remind myself of people who REALLY have it bad. Watch a documentary on Bhopal or something. It's like slapping yourself and saying 'pull yourself together'!
Write down all these things you want. Write next to them how you will get them. Write down the barriers. Write down what will help you. Or who can help you. Make a plan. Do you have any nice rl friends who will sit down with you and go through it? If not, post on here A nice easy plan that suits you and is heading in the right direction for you and what you want.
Do it again next month. Rinse and repeat.
Speak to your GP about specialist psychotherapy for adults with ASD - it may not be available locally but your GP could find out if it's available somewhere relatively close that you can access or they can even make a case to the CCG (NHS body that pays for secondary health care for GP referrals) that they need to pay for you to have it privately - this is if your mental health is very severely affected.
The National Autistic Society is a great organisation with loads of links to local groups etc where you can work on the things you find hard about socialising and meet new people. They are also great at advocating for people with the NHS so may be able to help you get the right therapy and / or help you change the things you are finding difficult.
What specialist therapy have you been told you need?
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