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To tell dsis that it would her fault DN was hurt?

(60 Posts)
Sherlocked1606 Sun 29-May-16 17:01:48

Me, DH and DSS moved in to our new house Friday. The house is lovely and doesn't need much doing expect a paint if we can be bothered.

It has a big garden in which the previous owner had a swing set, shoot and pond. As DSS is a teenager we weren't too worried about the pond so haven't drained it or covered it.

DSis has 2 lively children under the age of 5. DSis is very lax in discipline and lets DNephews do what they want. Both mine and DH's family wanted to come over to help with the move but we asked them to leave us until we are settled. We are still unpacking.

DSis has turned up unannounced when I was out. DH let her and the 2 kids in. DH told her not to let DN in the garden as it's not safe.

I got home to DSis screaming at DH and DSS as DN 4 fell and cut his head. Thankfully it doesn't look to bad. Apparently DH went to the loo and DSis let the kids out into the back garden and then stayed inside. DSS noticed they were out by looking out his upstairs window. DSS shouted DH, then both went down stairs to DSis. Dsis was annoyed that DH told her off for leaving the boys outside on their own. DSS went outside and that's when he discovered DN had cut his head. He may have tripped on the path.

DSis blamed DH then me. She started shouting which upset DNs and DSS. Once I knew what happened I said she shouldn't have let them outside and she should have been watching them. DSis thinks that as she is a guest, DH and DSS should have been more aware that DN could have fallen outside. This is even after DH told her about the pond and not to let them out. DSis has now taken DNs home.

I have had phonecalls from DM and DBrother saying we have upset dsis. I, DH and DSS need to apologise. Aibu to not want to apologise and that DSis was at fault.

MummaGiles Sun 29-May-16 17:04:58


22esmeweatherwax Sun 29-May-16 17:05:15

Of course she was at fault but it doesn't sound as though she wants to admit that, even to herself. She was told not to let the kids outside because it wasn't safe but she ignored this, her risk, her fault. You have nothing to apologise for.

PerpendicularVincent Sun 29-May-16 17:06:35

YANBU at all, she should have been supervising her children.

Floggingmolly Sun 29-May-16 17:07:36

She sounds excrutiatingly dim.

lem73 Sun 29-May-16 17:08:13

I can believe someone could be that irresponsible but I can't believe other people are backing her up. YANBU.

LegoCaltrops Sun 29-May-16 17:11:51

She came round against your express request as you/the house wasn't ready. She let her kids out to the garden despite having been told it wasn't safe, & refused to supervise? She's got precisely no legs to stand on. I suspect your DM & DB have heard an edited version of events from her...

Boogers Sun 29-May-16 17:12:25

She sounds like the kind of person who will always try and apportion blame anywhere but with herself.

Unfamiliar garden, she's the only responsible adult downstairs, her child, her responsibility. What was she doing when her son was in the garden unsupervised with an open pond that you had warned her about?!

Alisvolatpropiis Sun 29-May-16 17:13:02

I wouldn't be apologising to her, she sounds like an idiot.

Kungfupandaworksout16 Sun 29-May-16 17:17:47

I hope you told your DM what happened and that is why nobody will be getting any kind of apology. How old is your sister? involving your mum in one of her hissy fits sounds like something teenagers would do!

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne Sun 29-May-16 17:19:37

She sounds a nightmare drama queen who is not capable of owning her own minor mistakes... presumably she is often like that?

In any family where parents and other sibling of an adult ring another adult child to inform them they have "upset" an adult family member and insist they apologise the family dynamic is well and truly off kilter and revolves around pacifying, humouring and pandering to a brittle personality etc.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne Sun 29-May-16 17:21:06

IME not etc

Chinks123 Sun 29-May-16 17:23:10

I would not apologise, she was a guest in someone's house and was told not to go outside. She should take responsibility for her own children, she went back inside and left them out how your dh or dss' fault?!
I despair of people like this she sounds a nightmare and why do the rest of the family need to get involved.

Chinks123 Sun 29-May-16 17:23:49

*how is that your

ExAstris Sun 29-May-16 17:24:59

As LegoCaltrops says, I suspect those telling you off have not been told the full story. I'd be remedying that asap.

diddl Sun 29-May-16 17:25:28

What would piss me off the most is getting phone calls from your mum & brother telling you to apologise!

WTAF is that all about?

You weren't even there when she wasn't supervising her own children after being told that she shouldn't let them out!

TheCladdagh Sun 29-May-16 17:25:57

In any family where parents and other sibling of an adult ring another adult child to inform them they have "upset" an adult family member and insist they apologise the family dynamic is well and truly off kilter and revolves around pacifying, humouring and pandering to a brittle personality etc.


And OP, is your sister always quite so aggressively dim? She came over after she had been asked not to, and allowed her young children into an unsafe garden unsupervised when she'd specifically warned not to, which she can't have 'forgotten', as she waited for your husband to go upstairs before doing it. I cannot honestly see how she expects your unfortunate husband to have prevented her son from taking a tumble when he was in an upstairs loo probably to avoid her.

And anyone who allows two under fives to run around an unknown garden that has a pond she knows is unfenced is an idiot. If your DSS hadn't seen them, there's a real risk she'd be dealing with a drowned child , not one with a slight head injury.

OTheHugeManatee Sun 29-May-16 17:27:01

You should apologise for her decision to let her feral children out into your unsafe back garden against your express wish and warning? And your crime is severe enough to warrant angry phone calls from other family members?

Something is very askew in your DH's family dynamics shock

APlaceOnTheCouch Sun 29-May-16 17:27:29

Of course she is responsible.

I can understand why she is in denial as she feels guilty but why are your DM and DB colluding with her? It seems as though there must be a backstory.

Lunar1 Sun 29-May-16 17:27:51

Your sister sounds like a complete PITA.

kawliga Sun 29-May-16 17:28:19

There are parents like that. Sadly even if their dc suffer serious injury or worse they will never accept responsibility for watching their own dc. You could try telling her but she won't suddenly accept that she is wrong. She will just get even more angry with you. Parents like that will never listen - even after things go wrong they still don't listen. You have to leave them to it.

diddl Sun 29-May-16 17:30:08

I agree taht you don't need to apologise.

What will the repercussions of that be?

ExtraHotLatteToGo Sun 29-May-16 17:30:13

What a fuck muppet.

I'd be livid on many levels

However, right now I'd sit in the garden with 🍾 & enjoy a bit of downtime with DH in the last of evening sun.

Fuck the lot of them and the unpacking 🍾😁

APlaceOnTheCouch Sun 29-May-16 17:30:14

Did you say she was a rubbish parent? Is that why your family want you to apologise?

happypoobum Sun 29-May-16 17:35:15

YANBU. I assume she has form for this kind of behaviour? And that your family has form for enabling it?

Time to stand your ground. New house - new you?

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