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Who is being unreasonable?

(22 Posts)
nomoreintimacyever Sun 29-May-16 15:24:12

A few years ago I bought dd a goal for her birthday (which she had asked for). It's true that I did this without consulting dh but on the other hand he does this sort of thing as well like the massive ping pong table in the conservatory which he did not ask me about. For 2 or 3 years it was up in the garden and dd played with it mainly when friends were over though not only. Dh did not like it because he said it took up too much of the garden (debatable) and because the grass around it was getting ruined (true). He kept on threatening to take it down and eventually did. Dd put it back up but he took it down again and it has been stashed away in a corner of the garden for about 6 months or more now.

Today dh - already grumpy because he was out in the garden on his own doing stuff, aggressively asked me to find someone to give it away to and said that he would throw it away otherwise as it was taking up too much room where it was stashed away. I said to ask dd as it had been my present to her.

Dd2 then went out and told him we were going to put the goal back up. So when I went back out there he told me that if this happens he is going to "smash it to pieces" hmm. Is this a normal thing to say?

NeedACleverNN Sun 29-May-16 15:27:02

It's not HIS garden. It's everyone's garden.

Tell your dh to being so pathetic

TeaStory Sun 29-May-16 15:27:53

I'm appalled that a man could think it's okay to threaten to "smash to pieces" one of his child's possessions.

happypoobum Sun 29-May-16 15:28:31

He sounds like a total cunt.

What's he like aside from this issue? Is it the tip of the iceberg?

Twowrongsdontmakearight Sun 29-May-16 15:36:52

DH always hated the slide and trampoline we were given. Apparently it made the garden look like a municipal park. I thought the garden was for playing in so ignored him. He got rid of it as soon as DC had vaguely grown out of it much to their disappointment. However, the garden is DH's domain, none of us does any work in it so he sort of has a point.

facebookrecruit Sun 29-May-16 15:55:16

What a dick your DH is. How can he speak to his child in that way?!

nomoreintimacyever Sun 29-May-16 16:01:10

Well he said it to me not to them but still that kind of language is threatening and bullying imo.

Re the whole issue, like your dh twowrongs, dh has for a long time done more work in the garden so I don't know...

He does behave like this from time to time and is prone to sulking and being mood driven. He can also be lightherated and happy. He was annoyed this morning because no one was helping him in the garden but I resent doing what he has decided to do at the same time as him just because he becomes moody oherwise so I cleaned the kitcehn instead. Ds should have helped him but he has very important lying down in his bedroom to do.

LifeIsGoodish Sun 29-May-16 16:01:19

Dh does none of the gardening except looking after the lawn. That's his baby. Every time he mows the lawn he relocates the goal. This prevents it ruining the lawn.

IMO your dh IBU. He needs to compromise. When you have dc the garden is for playing in. Get precious about it when the dc have properly outgrown it.

DefinitelyNotAJourno Sun 29-May-16 16:02:06

Put it up, if he smashes it to pieces you'll know to LTB

nomoreintimacyever Sun 29-May-16 16:03:36

Get precious about it when the dc have properly outgrown it.

Yes I kind of agree with this.

CombineBananaFister Sun 29-May-16 16:06:56

he's being unreasonable am afraid unless it's so large it takes over the whole garden so no one else can enjoy it. As someone said, it's not just his garden and when you've got kids things aren't going to be as pristine as you would like - am not saying they should come first but compromise and all that.
Bit much to threaten to smash it to pieces, he's he annoyed 'kids' stuff is taking over the whole place with no adult space or just the garden?

PotteringAlong Sun 29-May-16 16:09:43

It's not ok to threaten to smash it up but I can see why he's annoyed. I love gardening and big toys that destroy the grass is a no no in our garden - my MiL's favourite refrain is "but it's family garden". Well yes, but I'm part of the family too! We have a climbing frame and slide but I wouldn't be impressed if other stuff appeared without discussion.

Onthecouch1 Sun 29-May-16 16:20:59

Your dh sounds like he's being a twonk. If your DD is using it regularly then he should suck it up and not act like a spoilt brat.

Lweji Sun 29-May-16 16:27:16

Put it up, if he smashes it to pieces you'll know to LTB

DC are more important than grass and the size of the garden. What's the point of a garden if they can't play in it as they like?

Arrowfanatic Sun 29-May-16 16:46:48

DH hated the enormous trampoline my dad bought my daughter just after my second child was born. It took up half the garden, ruined the lawn & my cat liked to use it as an ambush point to sneak up on the birds and underneath often became a bird grave yard.

He wanted it rid straight away but we kept it for a couple of years until a storm sent it almost through our window.

I've since bought a slide, that took some convincing but should hopefully last longer than the trampoline.

Amy214 Sun 29-May-16 17:32:13

Its a garden?? Whats the big deal? When your children have grown up then you can make a fuss over it..

ExtraHotLatteToGo Sun 29-May-16 17:37:17

Your H is being unreasonable. He's also being a bully and a sulking twat. All of these things need sorting, in the short term, I would tell him very seriously that if he does smash it, ruin it or rehome it he will be served divorce papers, because I would not be married to a bully.

VodkaJelly Sun 29-May-16 17:45:25

Tell him that while he is at it he can smash up the ping pong table as it is in your way

RaeSkywalker Sun 29-May-16 17:45:29

Your H is being unreasnoble.

ThatStewie Sun 29-May-16 17:49:50

He is. It's a garden for everyone to use. You make compromises while children are young so they can play in it.
Threatening to smash a child's toy is just cruel.

nomoreintimacyever Sun 29-May-16 18:32:23

Tell him that while he is at it he can smash up the ping pong table as it is in your way

Yes I was thinking this....

Gide Sun 29-May-16 19:49:53

Exactly what VodkaJelly said about the ping pong table which is indoors and therefore a much more painful thing. Saying that, my BIL is weirdly precious about his lawn, but with two active DCs and a dog that runs circles, it's just tough.

Your H is being a twat, I'm afraid. If the dds use the goal, I think it should be kept. How come he gets to overrule all 3 of you? Is he normally this unreasonable?

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