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potty training the impossibly stubborn child - tips and /or experiences?

(21 Posts)
StinkyPetra Sun 29-May-16 14:34:29

Ds2 is 3 years, very ready to use potty etc but insists nappies are easiest as you don't have to stop playing. We've tried everything but he just continues to go to toilet wherever he is standing, alternatively he'll suddenly decide to cooperate and happily go on potty (though this is rarer). He knows when he needs the toilet, can hold it etc, just stubborn! Any help?!

curren Sun 29-May-16 14:39:59

I bribed ds with malteasers . Not the most recommended way to it, but he is as stubborn as me grin

Aeroflotgirl Sun 29-May-16 14:44:16

My ds 4.5 year is like that, I feel your pain, he is only just dry, poos are hit and miss. He has a bit of a developmental delay, and is under the paeditrician, he referred us to the specialist incontinence nurse, who was very good. You can get special potty training pants from PHS, they are much more absorbent than regular pants, I bribe him with a treat at the end of the day, if he is dry. The choccy buttons, were just getting tired, in the end he just did not want them. He is very stubbon, willful, and told the nursery teacher that he did not want the toilet, as he was too busy playing. I feel your pain sad.

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant Sun 29-May-16 14:52:46

Bundle up his pants to give to another child. In full view. And explain to him that "fred" is having the big boy pants as you don't want to use them.

Chances are, he will suddenly decide he does want them...

Becky546 Sun 29-May-16 14:59:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Msqueen33 Sun 29-May-16 14:59:35

My LG was three in April and hates wearing a nappy and it comes off constantly but so far potty training involves following her around with a potty. She's developmentally delayed especially with speech. It's a pain isn't it.

SquinkiesRule Sun 29-May-16 15:47:27

We used m&m's to potty train Ds1 he was 3. He'd get one for a wee, two for a poo and a sticker on his chart if he had no accidents all day. Once the sticker chart was filled he could pick a toy at the shop.
Worked for him as he was going into reception class 6 months later.
Ds 2 was same age, and done in a week just because I said it was time, he ate all the m&m's in one afternoon on day 7 and was dry all night same week.

Basicbrown Sun 29-May-16 17:07:16

My only advice is relax and accept you can't control it. My dd was an absolute nightmare (her older sister trained in a week at 2.4). The truth is that it took about 9 months, but I am equally stubborn and never put her back in nappies. She's now 4.5 and I can take her out without spare clothes. No developmental or language delay here just happy to leak it out rather than visiting the toilet.....!

LegoCaltrops Sun 29-May-16 17:22:24

My DD was like this. She wouldn't contemplatethe potty at all until after she was 3, & even then it took us about 3 months before we got a reasonable degree of success, & it was another 6 months before she was reliable. We used bribery & praise (lots of it) for any success. Starting with any periods of time she willingly sat on the potty, & any attempts to get to the potty, even if she didn't manage to get there in time. As she got better, we gradually moved the goalposts. We also bought a potty chair as, due to her age & size, she clearly felt unstable on a regular potty (she's big & tall for her age).

Also, cover all soft surfaces with lengths of cheap fleece. That way you can quickly pick it up before any accidents soak through, wash it & it comes out of the machine nearly dry. We also used to keep a pile of absorbent cloths handy. Also several fresh changes of clothes, wipes etc, in a basket in the living room - much better than nipping upstairs every half hour.

We did used to use pullups for going out until she was at least moderately reliable, & always rewarded a dry one on returning to the house.

whatsonyourplate Sun 29-May-16 17:26:58

My DS was quite capable of using the potty but didn't want to. At 3.5 I found out there was something he really wanted (a Moshi Monster membership!) and bribed him with that. It worked. Getting him to wipe his own bottom was a whole other struggle

Snowballtorch Sun 29-May-16 17:38:36

I remember this, my DS did the same at 3. He was ready and able to use the potty and for a day or so he did, even using the toilet and letting me know whenever he needed to go. He loved the praise, but then the novelty wore off and he realised it got in the way of him playing, so he refused to use the potty and started going wherever he was and didn't seem bothered at all about being wet. We tried Smarties, reward charts, prizes for using the toilet, but no incentives worked.
In the end what did work for me was making him sit on the potty / toilet every 20 minutes for a couple of minutes, which interrupted him playing much more than just going to the toilet just when he needed to go. I told him that once he started telling me he needed the toilet and getting there in time to go, we wouldn't have to go so regularly. It still took us 6 weeks to be confident he would use the toilet every time, but we got there in the end.
It was a battle of wills and I only did this because I was certain he was developmentally ready and fortunately, I was at home on maternity leave with my DD, otherwise I am not sure what I would have done.

You will find what works for you in the end. Good luck!

halighhalighaliehaligh Sun 29-May-16 17:39:48

If you're convinced it's a convenience thing then ditch the nappies and make it less convenient for him to go in his pants than on the potty. If he does wee/poo in his pants get him to get some fresh clothes and put him in the shower (unless that's something that will be rewarding for him). Get him to clean/dress himself as much as he is capable. He will soon learn it is quicker to use the potty/toilet.

StinkyPetra Sun 29-May-16 21:05:29

Thank you - it really is a convenience thing of that I am sure. If there is a treat or a bribery he really wants he can easily do it. I might try the every fifteen minute thing - I don't want to turn this into a battle but he is a very determined and at times (quite a lot of times!) a very challenging little one - extremely confident, intelligent and stubborn! I love these characteristics but in this case they are hard work!

trashcanjunkie Sun 29-May-16 22:13:31

I just waited til mine wanted pants, then they did it themselves.

Highsteaks Sun 29-May-16 22:20:20

Stickers and chocolate buttons. Worked a treat.

SouperSal Sun 29-May-16 22:23:48

I just waited til mine wanted pants, then they did it themselves.

This. Nobody gets stressed if their LO doesn't suddenly start running laps of the room after they first pull themselves up. They walk when they're ready; they'll use the potty when they're ready.

Kallyno Sun 29-May-16 22:31:22

I would leave it for now. Leave a potty lying around, keep reading him the various potty books there are and wait and see. If he reaches 4 and still hasn't shown interest (but you have good cause to believe he is perfectly able, just not willing) then he will be old enough for you to plan a winning "incentive" system that he understands and is motivated by. Easier to use such a system if he is a little older. Easier to carry on changing nappies than draw battle lines with a three year old.

halighhalighaliehaligh Mon 30-May-16 02:15:39

If you are cleaning him up and dressing him after when he's in pants then, to be fair to him, it probably is easier than going to the loo. Ditto if he can just do it in a nappy.

Basicbrown Mon 30-May-16 07:28:45

I just waited til mine wanted pants, then they did it themselves.

Lucky you, not to have any that were difficult to train.

budgiegirl Mon 30-May-16 07:46:12

I agree with making him go and get clean clothes himself, pop him in the shower each time etc. Make going to the toilet the easier option for him. It worked for my 3 year old.

Good luck, it can be a very frustrating time, but you'll both get there.

MiaowTheCat Mon 30-May-16 08:34:59

I finally cracked DD2 (we're still iffy with poos but that's down to her intermittent constipation issues) by doing half an hourly phone alarms and rewarding with jellybeans if she had dry pants in that time. Prior to that the mercenary little bugger was trying to get away with doing a wee in one drop at a time instalments to maximise jellybean bribery yield!

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