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To write another aMIL one. How do I say this tactfully?

(7 Posts)
theITgirl Sun 29-May-16 12:43:13

Birthday presents

I have DD whose birthday was last month (only relevant as a recent memory) and a DS mid teens who has his birthday very soon. MIL was yesterday with nieces (just starting school age) as we were out. All arranged in advance.

MIL told me where she had hidden DS’s presents which I knew would contain a non-birthday present for DD. I do not agree with this, she knows this, but it is her money and she also knows that I will not try to stop her.

This is the unreasonable part she has also included a non birthday for DD from BIL, SIL and nieces as well as a birthday present for DS from them as well.

BIL and SIL do not bother with birthday presents unless we celebrate together. They will know nothing about these presents until the thank you letters arrive!

My two will be confused as why DD didn't get anything from them when it was her birthday, or DS come to that!!!
My niece's will wonder where their non-birthday presents are in the next few months.
I am annoyed that if she wants to have these mad systems, she should not involve other people in them. It was just something that Granny did! Not Grandma or Grandpa. Not Grandad. And definitely not anything aunts and uncles did.

So what do I say and how do I say it tactfully?

R2G Sun 29-May-16 13:03:58

I would take them and then just say thank you but it was too much and text the BIL to say thanks but it was too much so you've kept them for her Xmas presents from them and you'll rewrap in Xmas paper x

theITgirl Sun 29-May-16 13:14:54

I've got them.

Will call SIL though and check that she didn't give to MIL for some other reason such as 'Thanks for sharing Granny and playing with the nieces' because having the nieces there, was not part of the original plan.

Mishmashpotatoes Sun 29-May-16 13:32:42

How old is DD?

In my area it's quite common to do this with younger siblings, probably wouldn't do it past the age of say 8 or 9.

theITgirl Sun 29-May-16 14:00:47

Both of mine are secondary school age!!
I have never agreed with it. Even when mine were small.

What I am cross about is that she is doing it on behalf of other people! Other people who know nothing about it. Also obliging me to reciprocate to something i disagree with.

Mishmashpotatoes Sun 29-May-16 14:40:05

Okay. that's way too bloody old. I don't do like it either, a child's birthday should be about them, siblings get their turn too.

I agree with PP just say thanks, but I'll keep them until x-mas.

CodyKing Sun 29-May-16 14:45:18

It would annoy me too - tell her to stop -

Saying that shouldn't she buy DN a non birthday gift from you? So you don't need to reciprocate?

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