This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
Am I unreasonable to be p***ed off with my daughter and her wedding?(1001 Posts)
My daughter's wedding is this summer, we've been planning it together for months and we have genuinely had a good time doing so. However, my daughter is a vegan, and she is adamant that the wedding also must be vegan. This is fine with me, I support her wish and this is for her to decide. We sent the invitations (and I thought it would be a good idea to include the information about vegan catering on the invitations) and we have had many RSVPs basically saying they will not be coming if the food is vegan. I have to say this was unexpected, many of the family are quite traditional, meat-and-two-veg, but I did not expect this to be such a problem.
The thing now is that many of the guests are refusing to come, and my daughter is not willing to budge. I personally don't see the big deal in catering for everyone's tastes, it was a bloody nightmare to book the vegan caterer. I'm really getting frustrated, yesterday my daughter said she was thinking of cancelling the whole thing and thinks the guests are being unreasonable. Maybe I should not have put this information on the invitations?
I don't understand why you would put this information on the invitations either, but it is done now.
I think the guests are the ones being highly unreasonable, not your daughter. If anyone was so rude as to refuse to come to my wedding because of a tantrum over food, I wouldn't want them there anyway.
What sort of food will be served?
Is her DH vegan too? What does he say?
No sure if she is being unreasonable tbh, it is her wedding.
I think the guests are being very unreasonable and to be honest if I was your dd i wouldnt want them to come now.
They're prioritising what they see as a decent meal over celebrating your dds marriage......which should be the main reason for coming, that they want to see her happy, not have a good,free meal.
How rude of them. Your poor daughter. I think you did the right thing, imagine they came and ruined the day complaining.
Your guests are being unreasonable.
They know what vegan ism is right? They've not mixed it up with something else? Who can't go 1 afternoon without eating animal based products?
Why did you feel the need to put it on invites though?
DoI omnivore who enjoys meat
What a load of bloody ungrateful people that they can't entertain the thought of eating ONE meal that doesn't contain meat!
Lots of vegans ate vegans for ethical issues and so would have conflict, feeding and paying for non vegan food.
Yabu, I can't believe some family can't eat vegan for a day.
I would never be vegetarian or vegan. But I can go a day without out and often do opt for what would be vegetarian or vegan.
Gosh, how awful.... Cannot believe that people could be so rude about attending a vegan wedding. It's only food.
Shame on the guests.
People have cancelled because they'll have a meal of vegetables?
They are the problem, not your daughter. If they can't make it through one meal in honour of someone's wedding day, that's quite sad really.
Your daughter's day, her choice. I've eaten so much dry chicken etc at weddings over the years - not what I'd choose but it's the wedding party's choice so everyone should go along with it, imo.
I think you did right to put it on the invitation.
It wouldn't put me off attending but I would be dreading the meal, waiting to ser what was put down in front of me. A vegan offering doesn't sound too appetizing to a carnivore I guess.
Might be one of those times when people are pleasantly surprised.
If there are some who have declined the invite due to the menu only, would she really want them there anyway?
I think the guests are being unreasonable. Surely they can go without meat for one day? Your daughter is also being unreasonable and should share her day with those who do want to be there . I think you were right to mention it on the invites.
I went to a vegan wedding and it was delicious! So many things I had never tried before that have become staples in this house.
The guests are being really mean, clearly taking it as a day out and free meal rather than being a celebration for their niece/cousin.
Let them go and stick more money behind the bar 😉
I wouldn't have put the information on the invites. Just gives people an excuse to be fussy.
It's her wedding. If she wants a vegan wedding then it's her choice.
There loss. If they don't come. But I doubt they won't. Probably just thinking if they make a fuss it will get changed.
Perhaps just send out a memo saying the menu has yet to be fixed but you will discuss with caterers the options. then just never mention it again.
Anyone who can't handle not eating some meat for half a day is being completely ridiculous!
Did they all really, honestly decline because of the menu?! That seems like a disproportionate amount of adults who throw tantrums at not getting their own way on one guest list, I can see maybe one or two selfish types who are set in their ways, but a significant amount of guests are refusing to come? Just wow.
It's unreasonable of the guests to be put off by this, but in answer to your title question, yes YABU to be pissed off with your daughter about it. At the end of the day, it's her wedding and ultimately her (and her finance's) decision as to whether vegan food is more important or less important than having certain guests there.
I don't believe that anyone (let alone "many people") would refuse to attend a wedding because the food is vegan - and actually say that this is the reason.
I wouldn't have mentioned the catering on the invitation.
I think the guests are rude and unreasonable. I can see your DD's point of view and I say that as a meat / dairy eater.
I've been to weddings where all sorts of different food has been served including the odd thing I don't like but that's my issue and I'm there to celebrate the couple's wedding not be fed a meal that is to my exact taste.
Her guests are unreasonable.
It's two meals - tell them to get over it.
I'd welcome the chance to eat something which isn't another chicken wedding dinner.
Why on earth did you put it on the invites?! Food is food. I don't see why you'd need to put it on there at all.
But, it's done, so... If people are being such dicks about this that they're going to refuse to come then tbh I wouldn't want them at my wedding. I think you need to take a step back on this. It's not your wedding. Of course the guests are being unreasonable. I feel sorry for your daughter.
This is very odd. I've been to weddings with absolutely shit food ('afternoon tea' only - two halves of sandwiches each during a fucking TEN HOUR day). I still went. You just do.
I'd think a 'vegan only' wedding was a little odd tbh - not exactly displaying the greatest hosting skills - but i'd still go. It sounds like it has really pissed people off though for some reason. How was the invite worded? There wasn't a crafty dig along the lines of 'because we care about the world/animals...' etc was there?
IMO for multiple people to have an issue with this, something has got peoples backs up that's more than just the food.
Your poor daughter! What an incredibly rude family she's part of, no wonder she's upset. As a previous poster said if any friends or family refused to come to my wedding over the food, I wouldn't want them there anyway. I'd find it very hard to see these people again. Who can't go a day without animal products? One of the most ridiculous things I've heard in a very long time.
Totally agree with Kate - how bloody rude of the wedding guests! They're refusing to come to a wedding because the food they're being provided for free at the wedding of someone they supposedly care about might not be completely to their tastes?!!
Good riddance to them if they'd be willing to miss seeing a loved one getting married based on the food. I feel sorry for your daughter.
I'm very surprised anyone would actually refuse to come to a wedding because the good is vegan. She must have done very strange friends.
This thread is not accepting new messages.