Am I being over dramatic ?(13 Posts)
Here goes it's nothing really major but it's something that prays on my mind from time to time.
I feel like I am treated differently from my sister and part of me totally understands why .
My dad isn't my real dad biologically, but to me he is my dad if you know what I mean .
He brought me up when my mum had an affair and got pregnant with me and for this I have a great admiration for him because many men would have ran away from a situation like that .
Growing up wasn't easy as it was cast in my face constantly that mum ran away with a black man !
You can imagine how this made me feel as a child.
Anyway my sister was always treated differently from me she got everything and I'm not being overly dramatic when I say this ,but she was treated completely different from me which I kind of understand why. My mum used to tell her not to let me touch her things she was also cruel and a bully and dad struggled with what she did so I had to endure endless arguments and on a few occasions my dad shouted I wasn't his , admittedly when I was being an akward teenager !
Anyway fast forward years later my mum and dad have split up I no longer have contact with my mother after years of abuse from her .
My dad has remarried we are all grown up and my dad has a new wife who has made it clear on several occasions that she has no time for me, My problem is that I feel that they treat my sister completely different. I mean I notice silly things like my sister being invited over for dinner and never my family , liking all her photos on fb ignoring mine ( sounds trivial I know ! ) asking them if they would look after my dog them saying no they don't like dogs but happily looking after my sisters dog ? Having my sisters kids over but not mine ...Being told not to talk about my wedding as my sister has no money and is feeling left out she wants to get married, but has ran twenty thousand pounds up in debt therefor she can't afford it , and they are forever bailing her out ..I know I sound petty and trivial but it's starting to grate on me I think the fact that my dad isn't biologically mine makes me feel that little bit more insecure .For a long time now I have wondered if I am being unreasonable in how I feel left out and treated differently .Please don't be too harsh I'm a bit of a delicate soul .
I don't think anyone should be harsh to you OP, you're being ostracised by your family!
YANBU in the slightest, your "dad" is rejecting you. It sounds to me like you're making a success of your life and congratulations on getting married!
Can I ask what sort of relationship you have with your sister?
I don't think you're being petty in the slightest. I can understand why you want to keep a relationship going with your dad and sister, but honestly, it really doesn't sound like they deserve it.
I never let my sister know how hurt I feel as I know it's not her fault . I feel like I have a reasonably good relationship with my sister . But sometimes I feel like she enjoys being the favourite ridiculous I know !
Have you spoken to your dad about how you feel?
No I haven't I'm scared I'll hurt his feelings .
You start your post with an apology and I think this says it all. You have been made to feel sorry time and time again for someone else's mistake. You have borne the brunt of your mother's guilt, your step father's resentment and their fraught relationship. Your life has been shaped by other people's problems and mistakes - please remember that your parents' failings are not yours. You are a human being in your own right and you have a right to feel respected and valued and I'm so sorry that you haven't been. The rejection you felt as a child is still being reinforced now by the favouritism towards your half sister.
I think you feel a misplaced gratitude towards your father for allowing you to be in his house and you are probably holding on to any kind of relationship with him as he's all you've got. I think you do deserve to make your feelings known but I appreciate you are afraid of the reaction and of losing him.
I'm glad you've found someone of your own to love and marry - you deserve to be loved and accepted for who you are. I don't honestly think you'll ever find the validation you deserve from your family but I hope that maybe with some counselling and the support of your partner, you can learn to find that validation from within.
I'm not surprised you feel ostracised, it sounds like you are very much treated differently. I think you should speak to him about it but I also think you need to consider how you would feel if he tells you because your not his biological child he feels differently about you.
Your parents sound very damaging, I'm not surprised you feel as though your sister is treated favourably.
Would you ddl able to have a discussion with your dad about how his behaviour toward you makes you feel?
I don't feell like I could I feel like it would cause so much upset .
Please don't worry about hurting your dad's feelings. He's been an absolute jerk to you. You need to tell him how he and his partner make you feel. Do you have family on your (STB?) DH's side?
Yes I do but his mother died last year and the rest live abroad .
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.