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AIBU?

Dss hit my dd!

112 replies

TerriHatchet · 28/05/2016 14:49

Vv shocked and upset. Dss 7 was playing in the living room with dd 11 months sleeping on her play mat, dss suddenly walked over and slapped her hard on the arm, for no reason. She started crying and he did it again. He didn't know I was in the room standing at the door. I lost it and shouted at him and told Dh I wanted him to take him out for a few hours before I said something bad to him. Really don't wasnt dss in the house tonight.

OP posts:

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DoesMyMarthaCliffLookBigInThis · 28/05/2016 14:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pagwatch · 28/05/2016 14:51

It's a terrible thing for him to do but he's 7.

You don't kick a 7 year out for bad behaviour. A 7 year old doesn't really get empathy and consequences.
I'm not minimising - he shouldn't have done it.
But suggesting he gets kicked out of his home is over the top by about a mile.

QuiteLikely5 · 28/05/2016 14:52

I think it is unfair to ask that he is removed from the home for the whole evening!

What he done was wrong but siblings do fight and can be quite cruel/nasty to each other.

He is only seven so needs a serious talking to perhaps by both his mother and father.

curren · 28/05/2016 14:53

That's awful. Totally unacceptable. But you can not kick your dss out. Would you if he was your own child?

I know you are upset, but you need to take a few deep breaths, take some time to calm down and then sort this out along with your dh.

Griphook · 28/05/2016 14:55

im normally stick up for step parents, but in your case, your actions are a complete over reaction. You and dh need to talk to him. Rather than making him leave, you wouldn't do that to your own child and he's 7

Eva50 · 28/05/2016 14:55

He's 7. That's still quite little. Obviously it's not acceptable to hit his little sister but they do things like this. You and DP need to sit down calmly and talk to him about it. I think your reaction is quite extreme.

happypoobum · 28/05/2016 14:55

I disagree with PP. 11 months is a baby. How is OP supposed to live if she cannot leave DSS in the same room as DD?

TerriHatchet · 28/05/2016 14:55

He loves his sister so much he is always cuddling her and loves feeding her. He was very hyper all day and I think he has probably forgotten how little she is. Dh shouted at him and told him how babies can be very hurt by even little hits and slaps and has taken him out for a bit of time and to chat. I felt so much rage at the time I nearly grabbed dss I was so angry. But I didn't thank god

OP posts:

Griphook · 28/05/2016 14:55

This reply has been deleted

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Lndnmummy · 28/05/2016 14:56

Come on OP, he is 7!! Clearly he might have alot of conflicting feelings about his new sister. I feel sorry for step children sometimes. Cant be easy when dad leaves and then starts a new family. Have a heart. You are the adult here.

sue51 · 28/05/2016 14:56

I understand you want to protect your baby but you don't eject a 7 year old from his home. A bit of empathy and understanding towards you DSS is needed.

Griphook · 28/05/2016 14:57

If you had grabbed him, what would your punishment be? Would you make yourself leave the house for the night?

TerriHatchet · 28/05/2016 14:58

Griphook go project somewhere else. Everyone else good sensible fair advice- thank you!

OP posts:

WhatamessIgotinto · 28/05/2016 14:59

That's a shit thing to say grip. On what are you basing your judgment?

TerriHatchet · 28/05/2016 15:00

They will be home later but I couldn't look to him right now he properly slapped her arm. She was very upset she got such a fright and I won't have my baby hit in the
Place she should be safe, not by anyone. If I feel anyone is a danger to her then yes they will leave, myself included. And I have walked
Out for some calm time in the past when my pnd had made me feel on edge of down etc, obviously when Dh is there to look after her.

OP posts:

Pagwatch · 28/05/2016 15:00

Oh that's ridiculous happypoobum
It's a 7 year old boy. He did something really stupid probably not understanding the consequence properly. He's not Jeffrey Dahmer

He was caught. He should be punished and the 'how would you feel if a big boy came and slapped you really hard. It would be awful, right? So how can you think doing that was ok?' conversation should be had.

But he's 7. Don't be daft.

Arfarfanarf · 28/05/2016 15:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 28/05/2016 15:06

Horrible thing to have happened.

But you've both told him off and his Dad has taken him out for a chat.

When he returns and apologises, that should be the end of it.

Obviously just keep a very close eye for a while.

happypoobum · 28/05/2016 15:06

I am a teacher so I do have experience of 7 year olds behaviour

If OP had said this happened when DD took his toys, during an argument, playfight gone wrong, it would feel different. It's the picture of DSS doing this - hitting a baby - when he thinks nobody is looking, and with absolutely no provocation that feels wrong to me. If I were OP I would be thinking back to whether this could have happened before, whether DD had any unexplained bruises etc.

Unless DSS has SN it is inconceivable he doesn't know at 7 years old that repeatedly striking a sleeping baby isn't acceptable. I wonder what would have happened if OP hadn't stopped him when she did.

I hope it all works out for you OP.

IoraRua · 28/05/2016 15:07

Ah OP, he's seven and you're overreacting. It's completely natural that you are, of course. You're protective. But he's a kid who doesn't really understand these things, and kicking him out of the house is only going to make him more resentful.

WorraLiberty · 28/05/2016 15:08

And I agree with Arf

If you were mother to both children, you couldn't deal with it by booting one of them out for the night.

I understand the shock and anger you must've felt though.

TerriHatchet · 28/05/2016 15:08

He won't be kicked out anywhere he lives with us full time. I am going to have a chat with him tonight or tomorrow when I have calmed down a bit and explain how his sister looks up to him to show her how to behave and how me and his dad both love him even when he does naughty things etc, Does that sound like a good way to put it?

OP posts:

Pagwatch · 28/05/2016 15:12

I have to continue to disagree. Happypoobum

Telling me that you have experience of 7 year olds doesn't make me regard you as an expert. You could be absoloutely shit at your job. You could be a trucker called Brian. It's an anonymous website.

7 year olds do stupid stuff to see what will happen.

I think the op was understandable shocked but sensibly is not chosing to demonise a small boy for doing something horrid.

LBOCS2 · 28/05/2016 15:12

Sorry, I think I agree with Happy. A completely unprovoked slap is a bit different to something when they've been wound up. My DSS gave his sister (DD1) a bit of a nudge with his foot when she was being super annoying and he didn't think anyone was watching. I can understand that, but not being able to leave them alone because he might actually cause some damage would worry me and bear investigation.

LBOCS2 · 28/05/2016 15:13

(Investigation = try and find out what he was thinking or why he did it).

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