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To want to tell this Ridiculous competitive parent to shut the hell up

(228 Posts)
Choccybadger Sat 28-May-16 00:43:45

There is a parent at my childrens' school who winds me up so much I am struggling not to explode in an undignified manner.
I have tried to keep my distance at the gates, in playground etc but she always makes a beeline for me.
She knows we have been house hunting for a while as it comes up sometimes and my kids tell their friends what they did at the w/end.
Most of our conversations go like this.
Her: have you found a house yet?
Me: no, not what we're looking for just yet.
Her: our house is on the market too. We've been offered £xx for it but not sure whether to take it as think it's worth more. Our house is so amazing you know.
Me: lovely. Hope you find something.
Her: we've decided to wait til next year as my partner will move up so so much in salary and bonus and will be able to buy a £1m house just with his bonus. It's just so much easier to find something decent over the £1m. Everything else is a bit shit
Me: great.
Her: yeah, we will just have SO much money. You know, we've just bought the £70k car, having a £15k holiday because we know how much money we will have. It's embarrassing. What's your budget? How much does your husband earn?

Now, we don't do too badly but I feel very uncomfortable talking about money like this with someone I barely know. I find it quite rude to keep talking about it and also to suggest that anything anyone buys for less than £1m is crap. That's not the case. We don't live in London and our part of the world doesn't have the highest prices.

It doesn't stop there. Literally every time shd speaks to me she tells me how gifted her children are and she's been told they are "amazing" at something or other. The way she puts it sounds as though she is putting my kids down, my youngest in particular.
I get the impression it's personal, that she's not like this with other mums.
How can I politely but firmly tell her I just don't care and actually find it rude, uncomfortable and belittling as well as hating the barbed comments about my kids in relation to hers?

Peppapogstillonaloop Sat 28-May-16 00:45:00

She's a knob! Ignore and avoid..

DefinitelyNotAJourno Sat 28-May-16 00:49:24

If it's not possible to ignore them, the best way to deal with such people is to massively and obviously understate your financial position. It winds them up!

WindPowerRanger Sat 28-May-16 00:51:48

Keep saying "Why do you ask?" and "Why are you telling me?", then smile. Or, leave a silence. People are conditioned not to do tis, so you end up talking or replying. Let her boast, smile, say nothing. N.O.T.H.I.N.G. If you can manage it, it's very unnerving.

BillSykesDog Sat 28-May-16 00:51:49

I see you've met my SIL.

BillSykesDog Sat 28-May-16 00:53:16

Seriously though. My SIL does this all the time. I used to just nod and smile. Now I just say 'I find talking about money very vulgar'.

Myusernameismyusername Sat 28-May-16 00:54:07

I worked with a girl like this and I still don't know why she did it. I just used to stare at her silently sometimes

Storminateapot Sat 28-May-16 00:56:21

Do you live in Suffolk? I say no more as yet..

Topseyt Sat 28-May-16 00:57:57

I'd ignore her if possible, but if she made it impossible I would reply by telling her something like "Have you quite finished your stealth boasts?"

Then I would just turn away from her. No need to worry about appearing rude as she is actually already being very rude indeed, and vulgar.

Tell her it must be nice to no longer have to endure the same shitty housing standards as the rest of us mere mortals.

MyFriendsCallMeOh Sat 28-May-16 00:59:33

Just head tilt, nod, and repeat the last adjective she says with a fake smile eg "a bit shit", "soooooooo embarrassing" etc and tell her so sorry you are for her having so go through such an ordeal. Then spot someone out of the corner of your eye and rush off.

Myusernameismyusername Sat 28-May-16 01:00:14

Say 'lovely' to everything she says also makes it clear you don't GAF

bibbitybobbityyhat Sat 28-May-16 01:07:37

No way! Not really? She actually said they'd be able to buy a million pound house just with her husband's bonus? I find that impossible to believe.

bibbitybobbityyhat Sat 28-May-16 01:08:41

If she actually did that then she is obviously cringefully socially inept and inadequate and you should feel sorry for her.

Strokethefurrywall Sat 28-May-16 01:16:28

Why would you be worried about being polite?
Just tell her straight "I find your obvious bragging quite embarrassing. It's clear that money is a sensitive subject to you?" When she objects and says no, respond pityingly and knowingly with "I think you protest too much..." Give her a withering glance and walk away.
You're not obliged to listen to that shit.

TrillKitten Sat 28-May-16 01:16:30

I wonder if her rich and gifted kids can spell "overcompensating for something"? Disregard and move on. She is not your crazy to deal with.

Choccybadger Sat 28-May-16 01:27:32

Bibbity, I kind of know what you mean. Socially inept, but why is that my prob at 8am?
And yes, believe, she actually said her husband is one year off being able to buy a £1m house with his bonus. He does work in investment bank so believable bonus but I just don't know why she thinks I give a shit.
Not in Suffolk but not far off...
Thanks for the tips.

MyCatWasRightAboutYou Sat 28-May-16 01:29:31

Maybe she's quite insecure and it's a way of making her feel better about herself?
I would keep making noncommittal replies like "oh, lovely" or "that's nice". When she sees she's not getting the reaction she'll probably get bored of talking about it. If it's really unbearable, you could say you find talking about finances inappropriate?

MargaretCavendish Sat 28-May-16 01:34:04

Topseyt These aren't really "stealth" boasts!

I think I would just try and avoid her as much as possible. As you say that she's targetting you in particular for this nonsense, I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of getting visibly pissed off . To the extent you have to endure it, try and tune it out. And maybe comfort yourself with some inner smugness: I can't imagine that anyone who was at all happy in themselves would act like this woman.

KeyserSophie Sat 28-May-16 01:37:29

Next time she approaches you say "Thank goodness you came over to chat. I keep getting collared by this awful woman who just keeps banging on about money the whole time. So desperate, don't you think?"

enterYourPassword Sat 28-May-16 01:39:29

"weren't you ever told it's terribly uncouth to discuss money?" Then walk away. Easy. She sounds like a complete dick!

TradGirl Sat 28-May-16 01:44:42

'Look, I don't want to embarrass you but it really isn't normal to have these kinds of conversations with people you barely know. I'm just letting you know in case you have some social difficulties that we're not aware of.' Head tilt, concerned smile, walk away wink

regisitme Sat 28-May-16 02:15:36

It's insecurity. She's making herself feel better about herself by telling you how superior she is. There was a woman like this at my ante-natal classes - I think she thought I was terribly poor and car-less because I walked to the clinic (it was literally 3 minutes away). She used to talk to me about her brand new golf and how expensive and marvellous it was every single week and offer me lifts and just went on endlessly about money. I just smiled and nodded. Her face was a picture when I turned up at a coffee morning after the course in a BMW. She didn't talk to me again after that grin

piccadillyline Sat 28-May-16 02:35:12

I can't stand it either.

Stay safe in the knowledge your with your DP because you love him, not his money- because that is probably why she is with hers.


coco1810 Sat 28-May-16 02:35:58

I think she sounds almost intimidated by you and I don't mean that in a bad or offensive way. Some people do make outlandish and competitive comments when they are insecure in themselves. Maybe she's actually trying to make a friendship in some outlandish kind of way? Or maybe she just loves the sound of her own voice?

Iknownuffink Sat 28-May-16 02:44:36


OP, why are you playing playground politics.

FFS, get a grip and grow up.

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