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AIBU to value my free time

(14 Posts)
Torchlight86 Fri 27-May-16 23:51:46

I have a DS (4 yrs old) and I work full time, sometimes nights with really takes it out of me.

Apart for a few days/evenings a month the only time I don't have my DS is when I am at work, I hate been away from him and in an ideal world I would spend every second of every day with him!

I have a few close friends and a few close-ish friends, I'm not anti social but I really do enjoy it if I have a free evening, when my DS is at his dad's and I'm not at work, I love nothing more than to just be alone, relax on the sofa and watch a box set or what not, it doesn't mean I don't want to see my friends, it's just that being alone is quite important to me as well, but recently I've been made to feel like if I'm not doing anything, then I should be free to meet up or have someone round! it feels rude to tell people that yes you are free but actually you have been busy with work and DS etc and just want some time alone but it shouldn't be that way should it? Why can't having no plans be as much of a plan as having plans?

I do still find time to see my friends but it is a struggle with work and things, I wonder does anyone else 'plan' their free time to be free, even if that means missing a chance to see a friend?

I hope this doesn't sound like I avoid seeing my friends, this is not the case, it's just that if I don't plan some time to myself and constantly fill it with meet ups and nights/evenings out I think I'd just go mad being around people 24/7!

IdrisElbasWife Fri 27-May-16 23:55:16

yadnbu. I think most people need some down time to mentally and physically regroup after a full on week or two where there has been no break.

I used to love having two full days to myself when my kids used to go to their dads and I'd mostly just sleep in, sit about in pj's, catch up online or watch tv or read. I'd very, very occasionally go out with friends but mostly I just enjoyed having the house to myself and no demands being made on me.

You do what you want. Just say you need a break from everything and if they don't understand then tough. Make a plan for a night out next month and stick to it but say you don't WANT to go out every free night. You just want to relax on your own.

ollieplimsoles Sat 28-May-16 00:00:18

Yanbu op, when I get dd to bed early and all chores are done, I love nothing more than firing up my computer and doing some drawing and colouring with some music in. Its how I really relax and enjoy myself, my friends think its work and try to drag me out but I don't like it either.

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 28-May-16 00:03:37


Myusernameismyusername Sat 28-May-16 00:04:32

I have really reached my end o my tether point with this with friends over the years - I work full time and have 2 DC's. I don't want to go out drinking till 2am. I just don't. By all means come over, watch a film, let's go get some lunch or dinner but yes they can make me feel like it's wasted time if I don't fill every miner with stuff. I love to be alone sometimes and love to unwind. Also love to be with DC'sjust chilling out. If that's a waste of life then so be it!

Myusernameismyusername Sat 28-May-16 00:05:56

Wine = interesting spelling
Also I have turned friends down who want to wander around the town centre on a Sunday. I just don't want to sometimes. I like to chill out

BackforGood Sat 28-May-16 00:09:04

YANBU to want some 'alone time' - I value that too, but if it's difficult to find a time to meet up (around not only your work and family, but then combining that with everyone else's commitments), if I were the friend trying to arrange the meet up, and you regularly turned me down in favour of not doing anything, then I'd probably stop making the effort to try to include you.
I try to fit down time in around other commitments, not fit in other commitments around 'doing nothing' time.

Topseyt Sat 28-May-16 01:43:27

Say you already have plans. Just don't let on that those plans are a night in by yourself.

You aren't being at all unreasonable. I hate being expected to fill every minute with socialising. In fact, I just won't do it.

curren Sat 28-May-16 06:05:36

My kids are going away with my parents this afternoon for a few days.

Tomorrow I have planned to do nothing at all. An entire day where I have no plans is bliss.

CombineBananaFister Sat 28-May-16 06:14:10

As Topseyt said, you do have plans they just don't involve the usual meet-ups etc. Yanbu, perfectly fine to want alone time but if you want to stay friends with people you do need to check in/be present occasionally wink
I can't bare 'shopping' as a social event and would prefer to sit by myself and read a book in a coffeeshop so miss out on a meetup but see them at the end.

Drogon Sat 28-May-16 08:04:20

YANBU, I'm the same! I work part time over 4 days in a very tiring job. Unfortunately I work every weekend so when I finish work (quite late!) the only thing I want to do is go home and do nothing. If I'm working the next day I hate going out and coming in late.

I'm definitely happiest being at home watching something on TV with DP, or on the laptop.

I get 3 days off a week which I cherish and wouldn't mind meeting up with friends for a few drinks but all my friends work during the week so only ever want to meet at weekends sad

In future I'd just lie and say you have plans with someone else.

thebestfurchinchilla Sat 28-May-16 08:53:09

YANBU I have always enjoyed my own company. I work 9-2 and love 2 till 4 until my DC get in. I sometimes turn down friends who presume that after work I have nothing better to do than sit in a coffee shop. I do that occasionally but I love to get in, flick on the radio,eat some lunch then do chores or a DIY project or gardening at this time of year. Just to be on my own is bliss. I've always been this way, I enjoy the company of friends and I'm the first to help in a crisis but I don't really enjoy girlie shopping etc.

Lolimax Sat 28-May-16 08:58:17

As I've got older I've recognised that one of the things that causes me stress is lack of 'me' (not the Gavin and Stacey kind) time. I need time away from people, even my own loved ones.
Luckily my DH gets that. We're going on a family wedding to another country soon and I'm dreading being part of a group for a week. I feel a migraine coming on lol!

coco1810 Sat 28-May-16 17:53:01

Yanbu. I have Wednesday days all to myself while DC and DP are at school and work. I love it! Having a potter about the house or going into the shops on my own..... Fabulous. It keeps me sane!

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