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DH pissed off at me, WIBU?

(92 Posts)
YumBountyChoc Fri 27-May-16 20:23:46

DH finished work early today, but we had nothing planned. I posted a while ago that he doesn't do bedtime for our DD, 11 months, due to work. I helped him do bedtime aka I did it and he watched, a little earlier than usual as DD was especially tired.

A friend then text me to say her son, who's 9, was playing in a cricket match at the club a 5 minute walk from me, she was alone and wanted company (she's a LP) so invited me to join her. DH said I was ok to leave DD with him, but I didn't know what time I'd be back.

I never ever go out at night as DH isn't usually back from work until 8/8.30pm and I'm usually in with DD, and on the nights he's not working he does his hobby until 8pm so it was lovely to be out enjoying myself. We got chatting, and then my friends sister and her two children who I also know joined us and we just lost track of time and before I knew it the match was over. When I checked the time I'd been out nearly 2 hours and had 3 texts and 2 missed calls from DH demanding to know when I'd be back.

When I got back home I may have taken my time a little and spoke to my DH he was annoyed that I'd been out so long and left him home. My DD slept through the whole thing, so he literally was just sat watching netflix on his computer and not much else. He told me it wasn't fair to just spring it on him like that and what if DD had woken up and got upset -forgetting the fact I was 5 minutes down the road had he needed me and he has my friends and her sisters numbers if he couldn't get hold of me

I now feel guilty that I had a good time without my DH and DD. It probably won't happen again as DH is rarely home from work early enough to do something like that again.

So WIBU to spend 2hours of my day watching a cricket game while my DH stayed home with DD?

GingerIvy Fri 27-May-16 20:26:00

So what if DD had woken up? Is he not capable of dealing with it? confused

Buggers Fri 27-May-16 20:27:14

No your dh has good points to him doesn't he? Or is he always an arse?

YumBountyChoc Fri 27-May-16 20:27:17

GingerIvy Generally he can sort her crying out but I think he panicked at the thought of something happening to her as he's rarely left alone with her

YumBountyChoc Fri 27-May-16 20:28:21

Buggers He's a good cook and helps with the housework, he's just very rarely left with DD alone

cansu Fri 27-May-16 20:28:37

He has got used to you being at home whilst he does his own thing. He doesn't like being responsible for his own children. Nip this in the bud now. Do not apologise. In fact say how much you enjoyed being out and plan to do it again.

facebookrecruit Fri 27-May-16 20:29:36

He IBU not you

Buckinbronco Fri 27-May-16 20:29:52

He is pathetic. Why did he have a daughter if he isn't capable of caring for her?

SoleBizzz Fri 27-May-16 20:30:17

He seems like control freak to me.

NavyAndWhite Fri 27-May-16 20:30:18

He does his hobby till 8pm when he's not working.

Where's your time out?

I would be fuming if I'd received texts questioning where I was after such a short time.

Topseyt Fri 27-May-16 20:30:20

Of course you weren't unreasonable. She is his child too, she was asleep for the entire time and you were just 5 minutes down the road.

He was doing nothing more strenuous than watching Netflix so I don't understand his problem. I thought he had agreed you ought to go??

curren Fri 27-May-16 20:30:42

You were gone a Whole 2 hours??? Oh my awful are you?

Clearly I am joking. You don't need to do anything. He needs to get a grip.

GingerIvy Fri 27-May-16 20:31:25

Practice makes perfect. The only way he's going to learn to deal with her is to deal with her regularly on his own. What a useless twat.

YumBountyChoc Fri 27-May-16 20:31:43

-NavyandWhite currently MIL had DD every Wednesday so I can "job Hunt" but I do also take time out for myself, i just rarely go out in the evening/at night due to DD being asleep and DH working til late.

Helennn Fri 27-May-16 20:31:50

Ignoring the rest of it, to answer your last question, no, of course you weren't being unreasonable. Sadly you appear to be married to a selfish, controlling twunt who can't look after his own child. The only person at fault is him. You really really need to make a stand and go out more, not less.

ReturnOfTheJewel Fri 27-May-16 20:32:08

He sounds like he's "never left alone with her" intentionally, so that he has an excuse to play the needy and incapable card whenever there's a risk of you enjoying yourself separately from him.

Scarydinosaurs Fri 27-May-16 20:33:01

Absolutely pathetic. Does he think this is your only role in life now? You can't even go out for two hours for a chat with your friends because you MUST be on call for the baby??


YumBountyChoc Fri 27-May-16 20:34:35

ReturnOfTheJewel I never thought of it like that, it's just the way it is, i get my time out on a Wednesday when MIL has DD, and he does his hobby which amounts to roughly the same amount of time.

TheCrumpettyTree Fri 27-May-16 20:36:03

Of course you are not being unreasonable. You went out for two hours! You're absolutely entitled to time away regardless of whether your dd is awake or not and your dh should be perfectly capable of looking after her. What a pathetic excuse of a parent. Don't you dare feel guilty.

arethereanyleftatall Fri 27-May-16 20:51:21

How can you possibly think you might have been u ?
He is a parent, you have equal responsibility.
My advice to you is to start going out regularly. Equal nights out as your do. He needs to learn to deal with his own child.

Lynnm63 Fri 27-May-16 20:55:45

YANBU. In fact I think you need to start going out with your friend regularly so he gets used to it. What would happen if you were hospitalised for a While, or broke your leg and were confined to bed. He needs to be a parent rather than a surly teen.

YumBountyChoc Fri 27-May-16 20:57:40

Lymm63 If I was hospitalised then DD would go to MILs for the week/time as DH doesn't get paid if he's not working and we can't afford for him to not be working. Although MIL wouldn't let him "move in" while I was away so he'd still have to fend for himself.

ChicRock Fri 27-May-16 21:00:36

YANBU. Obviously.

Now all that's left to do is tell your DH you'll be making it a regular thing, so one night a week from now on he needs to be home in time to see to DD while you go out for a few hours.

Amy214 Fri 27-May-16 21:01:08

You are entitled to some time to yourself just tell him to piss off if he doesnt like it

LumpySpacedPrincess Fri 27-May-16 21:01:29

This cannot have come out of the blue surely. This is so controlling and a bit pathetic.

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