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To think she should just go back to working in the office?

(81 Posts)
SweetElizaRose Fri 27-May-16 13:26:43

Dh now works from home (unless he's travelling away which is probably 50% of the time but supposedly going to decrease). He does have an office he could go to but he says that because most of the people he works with are now in different countries there's no value added by going to the office and he may as well stay at home.

However since I had dd and am at home too he's got increasingly aggressive about us making any noise. We are basically confined to the living room with the door shut. He had come down to the kitchen just to get a coffee and was still on a call. I went in to get dd a bottle and he made a throat slitting motion and mouthed 'fuck off.' In having to creep around my own house. When ds (6) gets home it's even worse. I have to remind him in the car every day that we have to go in the house quietly and go straight into the living room.
Sometimes - if on a particularly important call - dh will come down first and say not to let dd cry. How?! It's making me really stressed out.

Aibu to think he should just work from the office if we are that much of a problem? We are hardly noisy! It also means I can vacuum / clean upstairs etc. in fact I'm frightened to go upstairs at all!

SweetElizaRose Fri 27-May-16 13:28:13

Oh and ds also can't have any friends round.

StealthPolarBear Fri 27-May-16 13:29:22

He did what? ????
What's he like when he's not running the universe?

Gazelda Fri 27-May-16 13:29:29

What a dick! What would happen if you and the DC made a normal level of noise?

Angeladelight Fri 27-May-16 13:30:02

Completely unacceptable. Yes, I think it's acceptable to be considerate with regards to noise but confining you to one room of your house and telling you to fuck off is absolutely ridiculous. You have 2 young children and unfortunately you can't control their noise levels all the time. You need to have a talk with him and work out a compromise of some sort.

StealthPolarBear Fri 27-May-16 13:30:18

Actually even if he was that is still an awful, shitty way to behave

nobilityobliges Fri 27-May-16 13:30:31

That is horrendous. How is your relationship with him in general? If he wants to work from home then he is going to have to accept that there are at-home noises going on. If he doesn't want noise, he should go in. But is he going to accept this? And do you feel comfortable telling him? He sounds pretty scary actually.

HackerFucker22 Fri 27-May-16 13:30:39

Your husband sounds like a nasty cunt.

Never mind going to the office, maybe he needs to leave the house on a more long term basis??

StinkyMcgrinky Fri 27-May-16 13:31:04

YDNBU. It's your home, not his workplace. I understand he has a home office but he also has a workplace which is designed for working in. You and your DCs shouldn't be restricted to what you can do in your own home because he makes the choice to stay at home.

If DH ever mouthed fuck off at me while on a business call I would be disgusted!

SweetieDrops Fri 27-May-16 13:31:10

YANBU, your children shouldn't have to creep around your home and neither should you. Your DH is being selfish expecting you all to kowtow to him and his demands.

NeedACleverNN Fri 27-May-16 13:31:40

Tell him to fuck off!

It's your house not your office. Make as much noise as you want. If he complains make him go to the office like he is supposed to!

Geez what a selfish inconsiderate twat

VeryBitchyRestingFace Fri 27-May-16 13:31:51

Are you frightened of your husband?
Are you not able to raise these issues with him and tell him to fuck off?

frangipani13 Fri 27-May-16 13:31:55

That's a horrible way to speak to you. Of course YANBU.

Branleuse Fri 27-May-16 13:32:19

hes being a dick. Tell him so, and tell him this is completely unsustainable and he needs to go back to the office where its quiet. Itd be one thing if it was a one off

Krampus Fri 27-May-16 13:32:43

He is a selfish nasty wanker.

NeedACleverNN Fri 27-May-16 13:32:53

Isn't he also the husband who refused to help you at night with feeding your baby?

LunaLoveg00d Fri 27-May-16 13:34:08

My husband often works at home too, but it's him who has to lock himself away in the loft room or upstairs bedroom, not the rest of us. It is impossible to keep kids quiet at all time, and it's your HOME.

The rest of it with the aggression sounds awful, he should not be treating you like that.

Wolfiefan Fri 27-May-16 13:34:17

My DH is working from home today. He's in his office with the door shut. If he wants quiet then he can stay there.
DD doesn't run found the house screaming her head off but I'm not shushing her.
The way he spoke to you was shitty. And why can't he wait for a coffee until after the call is over. FFS.

Lweji Fri 27-May-16 13:34:56

I could often work from home, but, particularly when DS was small and had SAHD at home, I chose not to.

Because I'd never impose those rules and wouldn't get any work done either.

You should stand up to him. Having him there doesn't bring any benefits to anyone and a home is a home, not an office.
Make lots of noise and tell him to fuck off to the office. And, should he complain, tell him to stay there.

GeoffreysGoat Fri 27-May-16 13:35:14

He's in your office and needs to behave accordingly. My dh wfh and wears ear plugs unless on a call. He accepts that if the toddler needs his bum wiped (we carved a mini office out next to the bathroom) then said toddler will just ask the nearest adult. And his colleagues (abroad) find it sweet that occasionally he's on the webcam with the baby who woke from a nap while I'd popped to the shop. I keep the noise down when possible, and go out a lot, but he's still imposing on my domain with the kids and adjusts accordingly.

mupperoon Fri 27-May-16 13:35:56

I would be very pissed off if I were you. If my husband works from home and comes into the kitchen on a conf call when the toddler and I are in there, he has to accept that there will be noise, just as there might be in the kitchen at work.

In fact I get annoyed with him for talking loudly on the phone when I'm trying to get her to nap. We outnumber him and as you point out there is an office to go to.

I would take grave exception to being told to fuck off in my own kitchen too. How on earth did you react?

toffeeboffin Fri 27-May-16 13:35:58

How have you not lost the plot with him and his ridiculous needs?

He mouthed fuck off? I'd have hit the bloody roof and ripped the phone out of his hand.

SliceOfLime Fri 27-May-16 13:36:06

That's really awful behaviour from him. I can't believe he thinks working from home means he gets the run of the house and you lot have to stay in one room - it's the other way round...!

I'd be telling him to go back to working from his office. I'd also be giving him a bollocking for telling me to fuck off, and for making the kids miserable in their own home.

pippistrelle Fri 27-May-16 13:36:08

He is being completely unreasonable, and nasty and ridiculous with it. It's a family home, not a Trappist monastery.

TheWitTank Fri 27-May-16 13:36:20

What?! That's awful -he is being completely unreasonable and a twat to boot. You can't be confined to one room in your own home with a baby and young child and not make a sound. If anything HE should be working from one room with a closed door, I can't see why that shouldn't allow you and the children the run of the rest of the house. Surely he an wear headphones to type/block noises and the door shut should allow phonecalls to be received and heard. If he was in a normal office, there would be noise anyway. Obviously this isn't working -any option to rent a space for his office? Or soundproof the room he is in?

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