Due to go to a friend's wedding a week on Saturday. It is elsewhere in Europe, and I'm meant to be going with a group of other old friends from uni, flying out on the Saturday morning and returning on Monday night. We've booked an apartment, flights, all paid for. Bride is expecting me, obviously. DH and DS (nearly 2) were invited but are not coming because of cost. I was really looking forward to it but am now getting cold feet for the following (admittedly crap) reasons:
- DS still breastfeeds at night - I've never been away from him for even one night before. I don't know how he'll cope. DH is a brilliant dad who does loads with him, but is not used to dealing with him at night as he's a shift worker and often just isn't here. I worry I'm condemning them to three days of misery. Moreover, I don't know if I'm going to spend three days miserable with rock-hard boobs. When I booked I thought this would not be a problem as he was self-weaning and barely feeding but...
- ...he now has a nasty chest infection. So not only is he ill, miserable and wants to be cuddled by me ALL THE TIME and won't even go to DH if the choice is there, but his feeding has increased massively. I'm assuming he'll be better by next weekend but what if he isn't? And even if he is it's likely to be a while before he's fully himself and back in routine.
- I have nothing to wear. Like nothing. I am not exaggerating or being lame - I have been kondo-ing, and got rid of all my clothes that didn't 'spark joy.' Unfortunately, that was all of them bar a few things for work and a vast selection of leggings, hoodies and colourful socks. I have no smart trousers, and the three dresses I still possess are my wedding dress, a maternity sun-dress two sizes too big, and a a very fancy ball dress that may or may not zip up. The obvious answer would be to buy something new but...
4)...a couple of weeks ago my car unexpectedly failed its MOT. Cost nearly £400 to fix and we are now even more utterly skint than usual. I also have literally no idea when to find the time to buy something as this entire weekend I am working/ going on my DM's birthday outing/ looking after poorly DS while DH works. I'm then at a hospital placement for the course I'm currently doing all next week. Then our flight is at 7 on Saturday morning and the wedding is at 2.
- I have end of year exams in five weeks. I am also doing A level marking as of this Thursday coming. I am incredibly stressed and sort of just want to hunker down and hide at home, revise, work, cuddle DS. When I booked I thought it would be a nice break in the middle of revision but everything else has kind of crept up on me. Shit planning, I know.
- My mental health has not been great for the past few months. I've been on antidepressants since January, and this was all booked in the first flush of optimism and enthusiasm when I started feeling a bit better. I worry that it's all too much though, I'm feeling a bit shaky again, and apart from anything that I'll be crap company.
Anyway, after that essay: WIBU to get 'food poisoning', or DS's chest infection, towards the end of this week and very sadly have to miss it? If it makes a difference though I like the bride very much I have only seen her a couple of times in the last few years - I suspect I was invited as part of a larger group rather than because she specifically wants me, or would miss me if I wasn't there if that makes sense. Would obviously send card and present and letter of apology. I know they'll be out of pocket but hopefully not a huge amount.
I suspect IABU, but I just feel so crap about the whole thing and am panicking that I'm going to be miserable the whole time and wishing I hadn't gone.
I feel like such a twat