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To be defensive about my child's school offer on appeal?

(60 Posts)
Villagebike3 Wed 25-May-16 18:13:35

My child was 3 points away from getting into a super selective grammar school. However, there were a range of mitigating circumstances that meant I had reason to appeal for a place. A place was offered today, my child is thrilled and so are we as we believe it is the right school.

There was no tutoring, although we got all the 11+ books from Amazon. Many children will come from private schools with small classes and good behaviour. My child was in the local primary in a class of 31 with 5 SEN children.

Another child got into the school as they are very bright and won a place straight off. I am friends with the dad and approached him in the playground to say our children will be going together to the school.

His comment really pissed me off: "really? How did you pull that off? It is a super selective."

AIBU to think he was 'dissing' my son? Who is a straight level 6 Secure across the board!

Firstlawofholes Wed 25-May-16 18:17:16

You should just have answered "same way you did I suppose?"

Seriously, don't get into a slinging match about your DC's relative abilities. Just rest secure in the knowledge that your child deserves his place every bit as much as his does. Well done to your DC!

Villagebike3 Wed 25-May-16 18:22:17

Thank you. I'm being sensitive. I guess I am worried others will think less of him. I'm projecting my worries!

whatyouseeiswhatyouget Wed 25-May-16 18:23:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dozer Wed 25-May-16 18:24:12

Good for your DS and for you. He was rude. But yes, you're projecting.

Brainnotbrawn Wed 25-May-16 18:26:03

I have a "friend" who behaves like that I keep her way at arms length. She is a twat. Eye rolls are my response of choice when she comes out with shit like that.

AugustaFinkNottle Wed 25-May-16 18:26:25

Was his son coached? if so, your son deserves the place more than his, and will probably do better. When children are intensively coached for grammar school entrance they often can't keep up when they start school there.

cannotlogin Wed 25-May-16 18:30:24

You don't want someone to 'diss' your son yet you make comments 'dissing' the behaviour of SEN students? SEN covers a whole range of issues, few of them are behavioural confused. Plent of SEN students in the private sector too.

steppemum Wed 25-May-16 18:30:33

Op - my ds goes to a super selective grammar.
he was the lowest score offered a place on allocation day, although others got places on appeal etc.
I DIY tutored.

For the first 3 months of so he felt as if he 'didn't deserve' the place, that he only scraped in. then they put them into maths groups and he was in the high flyers group, and as I talked to him about it, he realised that some of those who passed well, were not actually doing that well in class, and that he was doing really well, and not struggling with homework etc.
Now in year 8, he says that it is really noticeable that there is no link between 11+ passes and achievement.

Some parents are very snotty about their kids being the best. Smile and wave, don't enter a slanging match. Wait and see how their actual result pan out over the year.

louisagradgrind Wed 25-May-16 18:34:31

Was having 5 SEN pupils in his class a mitigating circumstances then?

Toffeelatteplease Wed 25-May-16 18:34:37


purely for your judgmental comment on SN angry

Cakescakescakes Wed 25-May-16 18:39:45

My son has SEN. That's a pretty hurtful thing to say.

Kennington Wed 25-May-16 18:45:46

Congrats on your son getting in. Just enjoy this time and the advantages that go with it.
There is also a good change children with special educational needs will be at the grammar school too.

Kennington Wed 25-May-16 18:46:02

Chance not change!

IthinkIamsinking Wed 25-May-16 18:46:12

OP your post is just dreadful on so many levels

Knockmesideways Wed 25-May-16 18:46:23

My DS's best friend is SEN (autism) and is one of the best behaved kids in the class. They have SEN kids in private school too - having money doesn't stop your child needing extra help at school.

MiffleTheIntrovert Wed 25-May-16 18:46:53

Many children will come from private schools with small classes and good behaviour. My child was in the local primary in a class of 31 with 5 SEN children.

Do you realise this comment makes you sound like a knob?

Threesoundslikealot Wed 25-May-16 18:48:50

Our SEN kid got level 6s. Just saying.

ShellyF Wed 25-May-16 18:52:04

Level 6 this year?It doesn't exist anymore .

cannotlogin Wed 25-May-16 18:53:17

Lol three, my SEN child's verbal intelligence sits on the 99th centIle...he'd be dangerous without his SEN!!

witsender Wed 25-May-16 18:58:41

What difference do the 5 "SEN children" make?

ConkerTriumphant Wed 25-May-16 19:00:05

Your son did extremely well to get into a super selective school when he could have been held back by the poor teaching of staff having to cater for those pesky SEN children.

Brainnotbrawn Wed 25-May-16 19:05:09

I have 2 SEN children, one has dyslexia and SPD and the other has ASD. They definitely bring challenges to the classroom, I would be naïve to think otherwise. And 31 students are obviously going to bring more challenges than smaller class groups. I am not sure that either of those points would warrant an appeal for not achieving the required level in an exam but I definitely think it would be harder for a child in that environment to prepare for grammar school exams than someone in a much more exam focussed private school.

BurningBridges Wed 25-May-16 19:09:27

What a tosser. Well done getting that place for your son and I hope it works out well. Unfortunately it does mean you will meet more parents like that sad

bostonkremekrazy Wed 25-May-16 19:15:55

my 'SEN' child just got awarded a place at private school...paid for by the LEA....please tell me i'm not going to come across knobs like you - and your friend - every day at pick up?!

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