Friend wouldn't help fiance choose a ring

[SomethingLike]

Regular but have NC for this don't want to out myself to anyone I've told this to in RL.

I met my now fiance about five years ago. After we had been together about a year and a bit he approached a good friend of mine who I've known for over ten years but saw once a week over text (got the number from my phone) and asked her to help him find out my ring size. I know all this retrospectively I knew nothing of it at the time.

Said friend and I were having a weekend at the town we are both from and she never brought up the subject. Fiance always used to say to me "she's a funny one that girl she isn't a true friend to you I don't think." Since getting engaged he's told me why he thinks that and shown me a text conversation between the two of them where he kept asking her to help find out the size and she kept refusing, saying she couldn't and a snappy one saying "you'll just have to buy the ring and get it re sized." She never contacted him about it again or offered to help. He then contacted a girl I worked with who somehow got it out of me in one day. (Without giving the game away.)

Would this make you think differently about your friend or is it insignificant? She knew I was happy with fiance and would be happy about an engagement so that can't have been a reason. I'm just confused by the woke thing.

[NickNacks]

Maybe she just wasn't confident in her skills of detective work and didn't want to blow the secret?

[kelda]

And how was she supposed to find out your ring size without giving the game away?

[kelda]

Sounds like your fiance is stirring up trouble between you and your friend,and it's working. That text she sent doesn't sound snappy at all.

[AgeOfEarthquakes]

I wouldn't fancy trying to get a friends ring size TBH. I can't think of any way to do it discreetly and I would worry I would ruin the surprise proposal. Why did your fiancé keep asking her (a virtual stranger to him!) when she'd already said she'd rather not? That's really not on. He comes out of this whole thing looking far worse than her.

[ElsaAintAsColdAsMe]

He talks about her behind her back, then contacts her asking for help?

She probably knows he doesn't like her and didn't want to help him because of that.

[chewingawasp]

You're still confused about something that happened nearly 4 years later? No point discussing it with her now really. I would forget about and move on.

[witsender]

Maybe she doesn't like or approve of him, and he senses that so is trying (successfully it seems) to disxreditnhet and drive a wedge between you? I would be more suspicious of him in this instance tbh.

[curren]

Maybe she just didn't want involved, incase she gave it away.

Or what if you said no.

Or maybe she didn't want to be put in a position of being a bit sneaky.

I think it's weird that your boyfriend thinks a 10 year friendship is fake because she wouldn't help him get a ring size tbh.

[HermioneJeanGranger]

I don't see that your friend has done anything wrong at all?

[RattieOfCatan]

I would refuse as well tbh, I'd be too concerned about you being suspicious about why I was asking. Better being the friend who said no than the friends who let the cat out of the bag!

[TendonQueen]

Not sure why it's her fault, rather than his, that he couldn't initially find out your ring size. Or why he keeps telling you she's not your true friend, when that doesn't seem to be a feeling you share.

[Jackie0]

I thought this was going to be about your dd wanting your friend to go shopping with him , because I'd wouldn't fancy that either.
But he just wanted your ring size?
She might have felt weird about him contacting her behind your back or she might not like him very much , which seems likely considering he doesn't really like her either.
Did he hound her though?
Will you find out gf's size ?
Nope
End of convo surely ?
Not sure how a lots of texts arose.

[curren]

Did he have the message from 4 years ago?
Or did he show you these at the time? And you are still wondering about it now?

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

I wouldn't help either - I have no idea how you find out someones ring size

[RiverTam]

If a friend went rootling around my jewellery trying to find out my ring size (and how on earth do you do that anyway) I'd be a bit miffed. But then I can't be doing with the whole man proposing and buying a ring without your input rubbish anyway.

[ijustwannadance]

Maybe she was busy.
Maybe she thought he should know you well enough to sort it himself.
Maybe she doesn't like him.
Maybe she secretly fancies him and couldn't bear to help him pick out a ring for someone else.
Maybe he is a controlling knob who is trying to get rid of your friends one by one.

[AgeOfEarthquakes]

So from her POV some bloke she has met a couple of times gets her number without her knowledge or yours and starts badgering her to find out your ring size? How could she even be sure he was who he said he was?

She sounds very tolerant. Your fiancé sounds like a bit of a dick TBH.

[curren]

If it's so easy to get someone's ring size, on the quiet.....why didn't he do it?

[DoinItFine]

Maybe she thinks it's a bit creepy to implicate someone's friends in a proposal?

Maybe she didn't like the idea of going behind your back with a man who likes to tell you who your "real" friends are?

[firesidechat]

I can't see what she did wrong really. I wouldn't want to get involved in trying to find your ring size either for lots of reasons. My husband and I hunted for a ring together after he had proposed. Your fiance could have done the same thing.

I would also worry that he has an agenda if that's why he thinks that this makes her a bad friend. Is that all the evidence he has?

[BooAvenue]

OP are you my friend?

Friends boyfriend asked me a few months ago to find out my friends ring size, I said no for the simple fact I don't know it and don't see any way I could find out without outright asking which would seriously give the game away! So I told him if he bought one he could always get it resized.

Does that make me not a true friend?

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

You're being ridiculous. Your fiance also sounds like a but of a stirrer.

[diddl]

"If it's so easy to get someone's ring size, on the quiet.....why didn't he do it?"

Exactly so!

Why does anyone else need to get involved?

I really don't think that it's an indiation of being a true friend!

In fact any friend of mine would have known that I would want to be trying on & choosing a ring myself.

[BeckywiththeGoodHare]

He got the number from your phone? Without telling you? If a friend's bloke contacted me out of the blue, having gone through her phone, it wouldn't be wedding bells I'd hear ringing.

[Boleh]

He presumably thought it would be much less suspicious for a friend to say something like 'ooh, that's a pretty ring, could I see if that colour/style suits me/works with this bracelet - wow it's so big/small/just a perfect fit, what size is it?' than for him as a man to take a sudden interest in her jewellery or ring size. That seems petty reasonable to me!
Admittedly if she said no he should have just dropped it and moved on to try someone else.