Back story : My friend ('Sue') is quite vulnerable, out of quite a loveless marriage, two teenaged kids, no contact with their dad. She is not the best at keeping the place tidy and clean though it is acceptable, looks 'lived in'.
She has been chatting online with a guy (I'll call him Simon) for a few weeks and they met last week and are 'head over heels'. He has been round to her place daily since, she says they are 'completely in love'. He has aspergers and she thinks she has characteristics of aspergers. I only mention this because it may allow for alternative explanations of his behaviour, not because I am suggesting 'all aspergers people are bad' or anything.
So since Sunday on her facebook pictures have been appearing, before and after pics of her rooms. First pics she put up and it was a bathroom makeover. I thought nothing of it until someone commented that it looked nicer and her response was 'Thanks. Simon suggested I needed more bathroom storage so we did it, and of course he was right!' My first instinct was - you have known this guy 3 days and he is 'suggesting' changes to your house?
Since then - we are only on Wednesday - He has been posting pics on HIS facebook page (I see them because he tags her). One was of her undersink cupboard before and after he reorganised it. Todays was of mess on the kitchen floor and dust piles, he photographed it beforehand, then the dust pile, then the after picture. All her friends are commenting 'He's a keeper!' and she is like 'I know, right?!' (they are American so perhaps naturally less cynical than me??)
My instinct is that this is WAY off in the first week of a relationship. He is writing supportive stuff under it, like, 'You work all day, let me take care of this for you' but I have red flags in meltdown. He has known her face to face less than a week. If he was quietly helping out at home I'd think that was possibly a bit anal or controlling but I am really uncomfortable about the way he is posting his (very new) girlfriend's messy house pics and how marvellous he has been sorting it out. It seems immensely controlling to me.
Should I say anything? All I have said so far is 'take it slow'. She is ecstatically happy. I am concerned she says she is hopelessly in love after a 5 day relationship. This has disaster written all over it to me.
Am I being weird getting red flags over this? And am I being unreasonable to want to tell her what it is that concerns me? I bet she won't listen anyway...
Please or to access all these features
Please
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AIBU?
To have my 'bad egg' sensors in full warning mode, and so ruin a friend's happiness?
43 replies
Squashybanana · 25/05/2016 11:48
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