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Brother's wedding abroad - aibu?

(97 Posts)
Littleredhouse Wed 25-May-16 11:13:17

My brother is getting married later this year after a long engagement (7 years). He and his fiancee recently talked about getting married abroad - somewhere very exotic and far-flung - just the two of them. This was fine by me and my family as obviously it's their day and I can understand it takes a lot of stress out of it just to elope. We thought we'd just have a little celebration when they returned.

However, I got an email from him recently stating that they'd set the date and booked the wedding in this exotic location, but that fiancee's mum and siblings were coming along. The email said that we were all invited too, but as he well knows the cost of travel and accommodation to this (very expensive) destination are well beyond our means. Fiancee's family are very wealthy so it's not an issue for them.

I'm not upset for myself and my family as we have 2 young kids and a 12 hour plane ride and all the hassle would mean that we would have not attended even it the costs hadn't been astronomical...but I am upset for my mum. She is understandably sad that she will miss out while fiancee's family will be present.

AIBU to think that it's fair enough to elope just the 2 of you, but making it so that only one side of the family can attend is not on. I also feel he could offer to pay for her if he wanted as they are fairly well off themselves.

GoblinLittleOwl Wed 25-May-16 11:17:15

Could the family, your brother included, club together to pay for your mum to go? I agree that is selfish to choose these expensive locations which mean some, but not all, family members are excluded.

curren Wed 25-May-16 11:17:36

No, I think it's up to them where they get married and who they invite. It's shame you mum can't go. But that's not your brothers or his girlfriends fault.

I don't see why they should be to pick a location or decide to not people based on you mums income.

I do feel sorry that your mum can't go, but that's life.

Liiinooo Wed 25-May-16 11:18:36

Could you talk to your brother and suggest that maybe you and he give your mum a surprise Christmas/Birthday gift of flights and hotels?

Vardyparty Wed 25-May-16 11:20:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pinkheart5915 Wed 25-May-16 11:20:53

I think your being unreasonable.

I assume his fiancé family are paying from themselves and of course It's unfortunate your Mum can't afford to go but that's just the way it is.

Maybe your Mum could arrange a little party at her house or a meal out for when they are back?

LineyReborn Wed 25-May-16 11:21:31

I feel sorry for your mum.

Vardyparty Wed 25-May-16 11:22:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlpacaLypse Wed 25-May-16 11:22:51

I agree with PPs, it would be lovely to try and finance getting your mum along somehow between you.

Ring your brother and ask if he and his fiancee have considered it. If you were going to send a gift, offer to contribute as your wedding present?

Carriemac Wed 25-May-16 11:23:03

thats really mean of him

redshoeblueshoe Wed 25-May-16 11:23:42

I feel sorry for your mum too, and I can't believe some of the responses.

deVelvet Wed 25-May-16 11:24:28

Couldn't you speak to your mum about going together?

Leave DH and the kids at home?

Lweji Wed 25-May-16 11:26:29

I would suspect that they really wanted to go alone and her parents imposed themselves and then he thought you should also be invited.

I'd have a chat with him about your mum and suggest he insists she goes and covers her fare at least. Or tell her that he doesn't want any presents from her but would like her to go.

AnotherEmma Wed 25-May-16 11:28:11

YANBU
Why don't you tell your brother that you don't mind not going and you hope they have a lovely time, but you think your mum must be feeling gutted to miss out, and suggest that he pays for her mum's flights and hotel?
I don't think you should pay, btw. He should factor it in to the cost of the wedding. He can afford it.

SanityClause Wed 25-May-16 11:28:27

Desperately trying to stop myself from typing "is it Maui?" Failing. wink

Seriously, though, it is unfair of him to do this. Perhaps you talk to him about how upset your mother will be, and together work out how to get your mother there?

Motheroffourdragons Wed 25-May-16 11:29:39

I think that is rubbish for your mum.It is very thoughtless of your brother.

AnotherEmma Wed 25-May-16 11:29:43

your not her mum's

Blimmincheek Wed 25-May-16 11:30:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whatdoIget Wed 25-May-16 11:32:43

Agree with Carrimac, it's mean and I can't imagine doing it to my mum. Do your brother and his fiancée see much of your mum? Or maybe her family have gatecrashed the wedding?

ThoraGruntwhistle Wed 25-May-16 11:32:50

That's pretty shitty of him actually,
Fair enough if they just want to be alone but to invite people whilst choosing a location they know is unaffordable to one side of the family is bloody rude.

DataColour Wed 25-May-16 11:33:44

I think that's really mean of your brother. YANBU.

AndYourBirdCanSing Wed 25-May-16 11:35:36

I know someone who did this- her family were a lot better off than his so only her parents and brother were able to attend. They had a party at home on their return. I personally think it's rude! Much better to just elope just the two of them.

MissBattleaxe Wed 25-May-16 11:37:25

No, I think it's up to them where they get married and who they invite. It's shame you mum can't go. But that's not your brothers or his girlfriends fault

Of course it's their fault. They've chosen the far flung wedding. I think your brother should pay. It's really unfair to leave his Mum out.

MrsJayy Wed 25-May-16 11:38:44

Your poor mum i would email himtell him what a selfish arse he is and how is mum expected to afford this holiday wedding i would be raging they probably wont even be legally married and will need to nip to the regestry office when they come back

PersonalSpace Wed 25-May-16 11:39:01

Your mum brought him up and on the most important day of his life he doesn't want her there? He told you via an email? Your brother sounds like a twat! He should pay for your mum to go and you need to point this out to him that these kind of things sting forever. If your mum is anything like mine or any other mums I know she'll never get over this. YANBU.

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