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DH commenting negatively about body type

(20 Posts)
PersonalSpace Wed 25-May-16 10:56:28

Would this bother you? My DH and I have been married for three years he is always very complimentary about my figure etc. He is a gym buff and goes every day and eats very healthily. I go to the gym but nowhere near as much as him and I eat everything in moderation (except chocolate which I eat in abundance blush) As a result he is muscly and lean and does some fitness modelling and I am small but average with cellulite etc. He is always lovely about my figure HOWEVER...
He is very critical of any perceived imperfection on other people be it my friends, his friends, male female whatever. We went on holiday recently with my cousin who is a 10-12 and he saw her in a bikini and said he was shocked as she's huge. I always tell him off and tell him it makes me feel insecure as if he thinks it about them what does he think about me? He then says I'm perfect (not true at all!) and thinks that will reassure me. He can't see his judgmental attitude to others is affecting my confidence. Ive tried telling him he won't listen.

Should I just ignore?

NewNameNotTheSame Wed 25-May-16 11:04:48

No, I'd loudly say "No DH, names arse isn't huge how rude!" the next time he said anything to me if they were near, then I'd wander off in disgust and let him face the music.

Nothing more unattractive than vanity.

echt Wed 25-May-16 11:20:16

OP, you haven't said what your body size is, but if it's in the range your "D" H is slagging off, then remind him that you're that size/shape too. Then tell him to knob off.

If you're fatter than this, remind him. And then tell him to knob off.

If you're thinner than this, ditto.

Rinse and repeat.

Lweji Wed 25-May-16 11:22:07

I'd start asking him why he is being so critical of others.

Is that he is quite insecure about his own looks and body that he needs to be so careful with himself and critical of others?

MrsBertBibby Wed 25-May-16 11:25:35

He does sound like a bit of a twat. He's in for a miserable time when the years mount up and all the weights in the world won't keep his body young and rippling.

ThoraGruntwhistle Wed 25-May-16 11:28:53

I'd ask him how on earth it affects him if someone completely unconnected to him doesn't fit his exacting standards? How is it his place to comment?

BrienneAndTormund Wed 25-May-16 11:29:04

It's nothing to do with how it makes you feel being the same size as them, that's missing the point. Ask him why he feels the need to comment on anyone else's size and body, why he thinks it's any of his business and why people's body fat is comment worthy. Surely he's not that shallow? except he totally is

OrraBoralis Wed 25-May-16 11:48:38

He sounds like a peach. Next time tell him that it is rude to comment on anyone's appearance. I get the impression he is a gym bore, I hate them!

MajesticSeaFlapFlap Wed 25-May-16 11:50:49

My dh is a complete gym buff and he doesn't do this because he's not a wanker

AyeAmarok Wed 25-May-16 11:55:09

He doesn't sound like a very nice person, really...

EveryoneElsie Wed 25-May-16 11:59:32

Sorry to be the bad fairy at the party but he may have body dysmorphia or something similar. Its a bit like anorexia.
Its absolutely not normal to be so critical of other people just for their body shape. His gym time may be down to his neurosis rather than any desire to be healthy.
If thats the case, if he ever has any kind of 'disfiguring' accident (in his opinion) then he may have a lot of trouble coping.

I'd want to get to the bottom of that. Its no way to live for either of you.

You can also have small talk available to change the subject, and tell him you find it nasty to listen to him slagging people off.

PortiaCastis Wed 25-May-16 12:01:55

Oh he is a vain wanker. Is he perfect? He may think he is in which case he's wrong because no one is, who does he think he is judging others? Grrrr what a knobhead

eurochick Wed 25-May-16 12:07:46

If he's finding a 10-12 woman "huge" he has ishoos.

whatdoIget Wed 25-May-16 12:12:11

He sounds boring! Do you see much of him or is he always out at the gym?

Elle80 Wed 25-May-16 12:24:42

Wow he sounds like a keeper. Why does he feel the need to comment on anyone? Remind him that narcissism is a very unattractive trait

TheNaze73 Wed 25-May-16 12:26:44

His comments would put him in the bellend envelope in my book

MrsBertBibby Wed 25-May-16 12:27:15

Body dysmorphia disorder is all about one's own apparance though, not commenting on other people.

RedToothBrush Wed 25-May-16 12:32:57

How would he feel if he heard someone saying this to his daughter?

crabbiearses Wed 25-May-16 12:36:33

he sounds like a bit of a knob, not attractive to be so critical of others appearance, how does it affect him exactly.

EveryoneElsie Wed 25-May-16 12:38:58

Maybe e does have an issue with his own body MrsBertBibby and thats why he goes to the gym.
I did also say 'or something like it'.

What he is doing is not normal, and its neurotic. He can help it, its like a nervous tic.
Seeing other people sets off a chain reaction that leads to him confirming his own self worth by trashing other people.

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