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to think the school are not doing enough ?

(33 Posts)
woollyandtig Wed 25-May-16 09:56:12

Sorry in advance this is long but I need some perspective on it .

Dd (7) has had a ruff time at school since she started we moved her schools just over 2 years ago as she has suspected aspergers and the school she was at was rubbish . 5 kids from her class of 22 over so not just us that thought so .

Anyway her new school is brilliant she loves it as do we she made friends very quickly including 2 little girls I will call Kate and Rose (not their real names) . Kate and Roses mums and me become friendly but after a bbq last summer me and dh decided to distance our selves from the mothers , we remained friendly as in chit chat at pick off and drop off time but no longer done things socially outside of school.
They didn't take this well and basically started a campaign of hate against us and dd . Kate mum would talk about me point and laugh in playground and other childish stuff their dds alienated dd from her friends and bullied her for having "autism" . Rose punched me in the face one break time through the gates when I went round to check on dd .
We made efforts to avoid them we went diffrent route into school (through an alleyway as opposed to front gate ). But it didn't help kates dad followed us to our street at end of august threatening dh, we stupidly didn't report to police but did inform the school.
Things from then on where tense mates dad enter to jail start of September he was charged with attempted murder but given the fact he got out this month I assume it was changed to a lesser charge . He was just out of jail at time of his other offence.

So fast forward to 5 weeks ago . Dh drops dd of at school in the car drives home and kates mum is waiting outside the main door of our flat . She screams abuse at him which I hear all of as he phoned as soon as he saw her . She threatens to kill me once baby is born at this point I was 39 weeks pregnant she follows him up to our front door and continues screaming and swearing and issuing threats dh is a dead man once her husband gets out of jail etc. She only leaves when I threaten to phone police . After she leaves we go out in car as to be honest I was too scared to stay at home ,dd2 (2) is distraught we calm her down and head straight to police station to report it they are excellent but she hides from them so they can't charge her .3 weeks later we collect dd from school with 2 week old baby and 2 year old kates husband is there his first day out of jail he tells us not to phone police again or else , we are in front of school office at time so we ask teacher holding door if she heard it she didn't but by this tate the two of then are screaming at us and threatening to get us at our house or in the alleyway . We get ushered unto school office where abuse continues for 5 minutes with her also calling dd names and making her cry . Head teacher try to get them to leave deputy is on phone to police at this point , they only leave when they here police sirens .
Sorry forgot to add that same morning this lady has went into dds school just outside school office and told her whole class ti stay away from my dd sad she's an very big intimidating woman and dd was understandably scare , it's hard to explain but the look and crazy eyes she has are frightening.
They school know nothing about this instance as teacher was busy in office . Is it acceptable for kids to be left unattended on their grounds with a person they know has angry issues ?
They school have been appalling so far in making dd feel safe , we can't use alleyway again incase her husband is their and she stands at front gate as if to stop us using that . What are we supposed to do ?dd hasn't been in school since the last incident 2 weeks ago I'm too scared to leave the house she drives up our street repeatedly for no apparent reason .

Surely the school can ban her from the grounds ?
The police have charged her and her dh and have been very helpful they went as far as having a police officer present for a week after the first incident.

What can we do ? Dd is terrified to go back she hasn't been sleeping or eating she is a mess. The school dont seem to be taking it seriously at all , we called to arrange a meeting and they wanted us to go round at 10 to 3 , a time they know kates mum is usually at school from and when we told them as much the answer was I though you's could do anytime :s .
Am I expecting to much or is their more they can do ?

OddBoots Wed 25-May-16 10:04:45

That sounds awful, you must be so anxious.

The school can ban her from the premises but that wouldn't stop her being at the gate.

Have you looked into any kind of restraining order?

woollyandtig Wed 25-May-16 10:12:42

Its been a nightmare we should be enjoying first few weks with dd2 bit instead i have barely left the house.

Not yet but it's something we have discussed the last few day . How do you go about getting one ?

WoodleyPixie Wed 25-May-16 10:25:12

how awful for you all. Can you report each and every incident?

If he's just out of prison im surprised he's not on some kind of bail and that this isn't going against his conditions.

Heirhelp Wed 25-May-16 10:28:11

I really think this is a matter for the police not the school. I would contact victim support for advice.

acasualobserver Wed 25-May-16 10:28:28

I think it's the police who are not doing enough.

woollyandtig Wed 25-May-16 10:31:37

We have been reporting everything as it happened to the school and now the police have all the information too the school told them of all previous incidents we had informed them off but it hasn't stopped at all the couple don't seem to care sad.

It's horrible I'm scare to leave my house but at same time any knock on door has me terrified. Dhs tyre was punctured yesterday by some nails that had been left in our parking space obviously we can't prove it was them so haven't reported that yet, we also had wing mirror knocked off last week (passenger side against pavement) but again we can't prove who done it . I'm desperate to move but we really can't afford to right now .

woollyandtig Wed 25-May-16 10:34:30

We received a letter from them yesterday will make sure to phone them today thanks .
I'm just expecting school to ensure dd is safe while there by keeping that "woman" away from her

OddBoots Wed 25-May-16 10:43:15

I don't know enough to know exactly how you would get a restraining order, hopefully the police can advise about that.

If you haven't done so already I would write to the school and inform them that the police are involved as a result of harassment from this family to yours and that you have concerns about the welfare of your child in school due to the presence of this family/woman. If possible I would include the name/names of the officers dealing with the case.

I would ask them if it would be possible for the adults of this family to be excluded from the school grounds but that if they can't do that could they let you know the measures they are able to put in place in order to safeguard your daughter from these people while she is on school grounds.

dementedpixie Wed 25-May-16 10:44:48

But they can't ban the mother if she has a child there. I would get more police advice as they have more powers than the school

a1992 Wed 25-May-16 10:47:40

I'd be complaining that not only are they not making sure your daughter is safe while she is in their care as evidenced by them allowing intimidation and bullying. As well as complaining about the fact that no adult was supervising the children and allowing an adult (even if is a parent) to wonder in and talk to them and threaten a child. Because seriously why is it acceptable to leave them unattended. I work in ece and I know as soon as someone walks through our gates, no one just wonders in without someone noticing them? Do they have policies regarding parents being on premises during the day ie teaching hours.

WorraLiberty Wed 25-May-16 10:48:31

Your child hasn't been to school for 2 weeks and you had to call them for a meeting? shock

Why isn't the school attendance officer all over you? confused

OddBoots Wed 25-May-16 10:53:05

"But they can't ban the mother if she has a child there." They can, I've seen schools do it. The child is collected from and returned to the school gate by a member of staff. It only happens in cases like this or when the parent is aggressive to staff though.

silverpenny Wed 25-May-16 10:57:29

What was the "distancing" from these mums that caused this trouble about? Did you have a falling out or something that started all this?

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Wed 25-May-16 11:01:48

This is stalking threatening abusive behaviour. I would be going to the police.
I would also be speaking to your school's safe guarding officer and putting in a complaint about their failure to safe guard your DD. That is abuse. She's not there to be punched on the face by some little horror.

woollyandtig Wed 25-May-16 11:05:03

OddBoots the school are fully aware of police investigation the gave statement s regarding the last incident and the couple where charged with breach of peace for this .Dh is just back from another meeting with the head the school have more or less said they can't ensure dds safety and that they can't discuss anything because of the police investigation . All we are asking is for them to make sure Dd is safe in their care .
dementedpixie I know it's rock and hard place situation for the school .
a1992 we will be contacting the school board again today to complain . I don't think it's acceptable to allow an adult to intimidate a child on their grounds with none of the staff present , I'm really concerned that it hasn't been taken seriously and they school have said today that can't ban her from the building so they can't ensure it won't happen againconfused.

God only knows WorraLiberty they school haven't contacted us since they where all over any absences before this .

molyholy Wed 25-May-16 11:06:44

I know you shouldn't have to at all, but I would be looking to move and start life again. I couldn't live in fear everyday like that, or be so worried that I stopped sending my child to school.

It is totally unfair that you are living with the consequences of their awful, awful behaviour, but would it be an option to move?

clakster Wed 25-May-16 11:06:54

you really need more police help hun-surely threats to kill and all the witness s at the school should of been enough for them to be doing more.I really fell for you all and please don,t keep quiet keep on to both the school and the police until you get the help you need.xx

woollyandtig Wed 25-May-16 11:07:28

silverpenny didn't want to say as would have made post even longer but to sum it up they are racist and bigoted . I'm Catholic and they didn't like this all football related sadly . I didn't want to associate with them or have dd exposed to them .

OddBoots Wed 25-May-16 11:09:13

There is a difference in 'being aware' and having it documented in writing. Meetings are great, they are an important way of communicating but having it on paper is important too. If the impression they are giving is that they "more or less said they can't ensure dds safety" then I would include that in the letter and ask them to confirm of refute that.

chameleon43 Wed 25-May-16 11:16:02

This is appalling - I can't see any hope of it being resolved once it's reached these levels?

Is there no way you can relocate - or at the very least move your dd to a new school?

OddBoots Wed 25-May-16 11:23:37

It sounds like it should be being logged with the police as a hate crime as religion is a protected characteristic, have the police indicated that this is how they are recording it?

soapboxqueen Wed 25-May-16 11:32:45

Schools can ban parents from school grounds but it happens rarely and is usually add a result of abuse to staff.

The school are responsible for the behaviour of the other two girls towards your dd but they are not responsible for the behaviour of members of the public. That is a police matter and I think you need to get a restraining order (or similar). particularly since this seems to be a hate crime.

When you say the school allowed an adult on their premises to verbally harass your dd, when exactly was this? Did she make her way into school during class time? During break time screaming through the fence? Or during morning so off etc?

If the parent is on school premises when they shouldn't be, then that is safeguarding and the school is responsible.

At morning drop off etc your child is your responsibility until the school take over eg the teachers come out for the children to live up or the school open the doors and the children go in.

Troutfin27 Wed 25-May-16 11:38:28

This sounds just awful, you must be feeling desperate. The school can - and really should - exclude any parent who is being threatening and abusive. School grounds are not public property and even parents do not have absolute right of access. Your DD's education is being affected, as well as her mental well-being. Can you put this in writing to the Board of Governors and the Local Authority? Both the school and the police need to do more to protect your family.

woollyandtig Wed 25-May-16 11:38:45

OddBoots that's basically what the education board has told us to do they want it in writing but the head teacher is dragging her feet .

chameleon43 I don't think it can be resolved unfortunately , our dd2 is due to start at the same nursery as her son . They would then be in same class at the school in 2 years time so this is someone we would be stuck with for atleast 10 years if we stay here. We are trying our hardest to move but we will need rent in advance and deposit to do so and we are struggling to raise the funds.

OddBoots as far as I'm aware it'd not being treated as hate crime she was charged with a section 27 and another 2 charges but I'm unsure of what

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