Fathers and their 'shotgun' jokes

[sandfish]

Men with daughters, can we retire the shotguns? It is getting tiresome.

I keep hearing the 'old chestnut' jest from men with young daughters, where they get a laugh from making comments about imagining threatening future boyfriends with a shotgun, presumably to make sure they get 'treated right'.

Last heard in the queue to pick my son up from reception class.

This annoys me on a profound level. Here's why.

My Dad taught me to make decisions, assess character and make choices, respect myself and have high standards. Granted, teenagers don't always have great judgement but need to be allowed to make some mistakes in order to learn. My dad didn't own me, when I got married he didn't give me away and he never gave my boyfriend crap and thank goodness for that, since I married him. I would have been furious if my Dad had tried to interfere in my life in that way.

She may be your little girl now but she's going to grow up to be an independent, strong and wise woman - don't you want that?

Secondly how does this work if we reverse things. So as a mother of small boys is it OK for me to say in the queue to pick up 5 year olds - "His first girlfriend better not break his heart or she will have me and my shotgun to deal with. See how she likes that - BITCH. Hahaha!" Do these guys want to hear me threaten their daughter in future? Would that be even remotely acceptable?!

Most parents feel very protective of their children especially when small. I get that. I do too. I feel pretty protective of my sons who through no fault of their own may meet one of these dickhead fathers in future and I hope to God none of them actually own a shotgun. I'm working on bringing my boys up to respect girls and women, and treat all people equally and well, with kindness and consideration, all without the use of threats of violence, humourous, passive-aggressive or otherwise.

I don't think threatening teen children with violence and fear is funny. But my sense of humour has always been a little mainstream, my personality bordering on the earnest. So what do you all think? Is it just 'banter' or a pile of crap that needs challenging? If you don't like it, can you think of a witty or blunt rejoiner for next time?

[araiba]

its a fucking joke

get over it

[storybrooke]

That hurt my head to read.

[LexieSinclair]

I agree with you sandfish.
It's a joke but it's tedious, sexist and boring.

[silverpenny]

If this is all you have to worry about in life I am envious.

[ThatStewie]

It's sexist, pathetic and stupid. I have 0 time for men who say this shit because you know that public misogyny is a front for more serious behaviour.

[LexieSinclair]

Silverpenny where did the OP say that is the only thing she has to worry about?

[FourEyesGood]

YANBU. Not funny, just tedious.

[FayKorgasm]

Well given the rate of domestic violence commited against girls and women I would be there with my shotgun to protect them. Independant strong wise women can still become victims. Just as I would with my son.

[StealthPolarBear]

I agree. Never really considered it in my teens or early twenties but in pleased to have had parents who - other than doing their best to make sure I was safe and happy - decided my sex life was none of their business

[curren]

It's a unfunny crap joke.

Quite honestly I get fed up of over analysing crap jokes and turning them into something sinister.

But if you want to get into it.

Do you think all abusers are abusers because they haven't been brought up properly? Do they all come from crap families? Do you think all abusers never had anyone show them how to treat other people (not just women, I teach my kids to show everyone respect).

Do you think only women who parents didn't teach them to make good decisions become victims?

It's a joke, a crap one. But your over analysing makes zero sense either.

[VestalVirgin]

I am wary of that kind of man.

The only men I ever met who were (by default) worried that a man might harm "their women", were sexist assholes themselves, who behaved towards women in an inacceptable way.

Their line of thought must have been: "I am an asshole who exploits and molests women, therefore, other men are the same, therefore, I must make threats and keep my wife and daughters as far away from other men as possible."

If you really want to protect your daughter, you raise her to be appalled by abusive behaviour (by not being abusive yourself) and tell her she is always welcome to return home.
And if she does go on to get into a relationship with an abuser, you can still make the threats. Or just call the police ...

[VestalVirgin]

Well given the rate of domestic violence commited against girls and women I would be there with my shotgun to protect them.

Well, yes - but why make empty threats about it when the girl is a toddler? The boys who might later on attack her are either not there, or too young to remember your threats later. So, it does nothing to deter them.

It's just machismo.

[curren]

Sorry vestal but I disagree.

My dad never did the shotgun thing tbf. He was more a 'watch and wait' type.

But he was a policeman. He had dealt with many men who had beaten, raped, terrified, Harrass and murdered women in his 32 years. He has certainly never done any of those things. He isn't sexist. But he is entirely aware of what men do to women on an alarming scale.

You don't have to be an abuser to know abusers exist.

[PPie10]

Oh fgs you sound worse with that analysis op. Really just move on. You don't believe all that so not your problem.

[sandfish]

curren yep I overanalyse. Agreed. The rest of your points, interesting to think about but no, I don't think those things. Any of us could be both a victim or a perpetrator of abuse in relationships.

I was trying to work out why this kind of 'joke' annoyed me so much. I guess the bottom line is why do these men think so proprietorially about their daughters and automatically think so badly of any other men? I just think this underlying attitude does both girls and boys a disservice. And I don't think threats of violence and fear against kids are funny. But as is clear from this thread, jokes are a personal taste.

If you think I'm uber earnest think what you like but it doesn't make me unreasonable, just boring.

[RoseDeGambrinus]

YANBU, OP - as a joke it's pretty Neanderthal. Also IMO making a big thing of this originates with concerns about protecting chastity of the women one owns rather than concerns for their happiness and wellbeing. Not saying these men don't care about their daughters' happiness of course, it's just a ridiculous and annoying joke.

[PamBagnallsGotACollage]

YANBU OP. It's a boring, sexist and just not funny.

Shit like this carries on because of people saying, 'get over it. It's just a joke.' It's not just a joke. It's a 'joke' with negative connotations.

[NannawifeofBaldr]

It's sexist. It's an attitude that views women as possessions.

My Father didn't raise me that way and my DH isn't raising our DD like that either.

[Tummyclutter]

Oh dear, I have made that joke myself.
DH and son both have shotguns. DD was driving to pick up her first boyfriend. I JOKINGLY wrote a message and left it on the front seat saying 'remember we have shotguns in the house'.
I hang my head in shame. I am a bad, bad, Mother.
She found it really funny.
Shame people can't joke anymore.

[facebookrecruit]

Wowzers

[DuckAndPancakes]

I make these sort of comments as a female.
Does that mean I'm sexist? 🤔

[DuckAndPancakes]

At least Tummyclutter and I are in it together.

[sonlypuppyfat]

You must be on pins all the time ready to read something negative in everything you hear

[Bolograph]

'remember we have shotguns in the house'

Had the recipient of that note reported it, there's a good chance that the police would have taken a sudden interest in whether your family are fit and proper persons to hold shotgun certificates. And properly so: people who threaten violence with firearms shouldn't be permitted to have access to them.

[pollyblack]

I have never heard these comments. On the other hand I hear "jokes" about girls never being good enough for peoples precious sons all the time. Makes me feel ill, just be happy for your bloody children!