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Genuinely don't know if AIBU....

(20 Posts)
PeaceNotPieces Tue 24-May-16 17:46:25

I've been offered a flights paid for trip to the Far East for 10 days.

I've turned it down as I don't want to leave my children without me for so long while I'm so far away. My kids are 9,4 and 3. I'm sure they would be fine with DH, they would probably not bother too much at all, it's just my preference of not wanting to be so far away from them. I've only been away from them overnight while in hospital giving birth.

But I have a feeling if I don't go then the other person won't go as they'll probably be on their own. I feel really mean and ungrateful.


Seeline Tue 24-May-16 17:48:39

No YANBU. Has the person discussed it with you at all? I am sure there is someone else that they can go with if they really need another person.

MintyChops Tue 24-May-16 17:51:01

YANBU, it's up to you and if they don't want to go without you well, that's up to them.....

Dieu Tue 24-May-16 17:53:22

It's difficult to ask others if YABU, as we're all so different when it comes to things like this. I would go in a heartbeat and genuinely don't understand women who can't be away from their children overnight/entrust them to their father. Sorry, but that's just me!

eightbluebirds Tue 24-May-16 17:57:59

You're not being mean or ungrateful. But it's an amazing opportunity to pass on.

ScarletForYa Tue 24-May-16 17:58:53


PeaceNotPieces Tue 24-May-16 22:10:10

Thanks for the replies x

SquinkiesRule Tue 24-May-16 22:35:24

If they won't go without you, that is their problem, isn't there someone else who will go with them?

PeaceNotPieces Tue 24-May-16 22:47:12

I really don't know. I hope so, so she'll go but idk....

CakeNinja Tue 24-May-16 22:51:47

Don't go if you don't want to.
If they decide not to go that's their look out.
I would go if it were me and somewhere I wanted to visit, and I would also go on my own if no one wanted to come with me.
Is it a leisure trip?

Lovewhereilive Tue 24-May-16 22:52:19

No you aren't BU. I wouldn't go either. If you feel like that, you would spend the whole time worrying.

Hockeynut Tue 24-May-16 22:53:46

Yanbu. I wouldn't go.

myownprivateidaho Tue 24-May-16 22:54:18

Who is the other person? Why can't they take someone else? What were the circumstances of getting these tickets? Not enough information to go on here.

Haggisfish Tue 24-May-16 23:01:21

Yanbu. I'll leave mine for two or three nights but I'd miss them too much for ten days.

PeaceNotPieces Tue 24-May-16 23:08:39

It's my dm. She's recently got some spare cash and wants to go to Thailand and visit the elephant sanctuarys feed,look after them etc. Not a circus show or anything like that.

A genuine love of hers. I have to say I don't doubt it would be a fabulous experience and definitely a once n a life time thing...I just feel for me, my place is here. And now not is the right time for me.

But I don't think she has the confidence to go on her own.

So I feel bad

CakeNinja Tue 24-May-16 23:23:39

Has she booked tickets for you both already? If so, have you at all mentioned that you would accompany her?
If she hasn't booked tickets, she hasn't lost anything if she doesn't want to go alone.
As an aside, i wouldn't go for elephants in Thailand! I would definitely go for other things though.

NickiFury Wed 25-May-16 00:09:30

I wouldn't go because my children's father is a Fuck Wit who cannot be trusted. If he was a decent sort, I probably would, but my kids are older 9 & 13. Maybe not when they were younger.

That was helpful wasn't it ? wink

NickiFury Wed 25-May-16 00:10:49

My very good friend did that, the elephant sanctuary thing, she was a different person when she came back, calmer, happier. She said it changed her life.

TheCraicDealer Wed 25-May-16 00:16:07

In those circumstances I would try to go. If your DM isn't confident travelling on her own (and I known I wouldn't) and this is a once-in-a-lifetime-dream-come-true trip then I would pull out the stops. I don't know what age she is but this sort of thing only gets harder to do as you get older as you need to have the physical ability and stamina to do the activities.

Would you feel more comfortable waiting until the littlest is in school? I'd imagine they'd also be super keen to hear about mummy and granny helping the elephants!

ICanGoogle Wed 25-May-16 00:32:12


If your kids would be happy with your DH then I guess it is just about you missing them. I would go as it sounds like a fabulous holiday and because I think the kids might have a great time hanging out with their Dad. I occasionally travelled without my kids when they were little and I was always glad that I did. I was surprised that I didn't miss them as much as I thought I would when I was away and I was surprised at how it helped them feel extra close to my DH.

Having said that, if you really don't want to go and think you wouldn't enjoy it then it would be silly to go.

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