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AIBU?

to think this is bullying and my friend should report it

43 replies

Creasedupcrinkle · 24/05/2016 17:43

My friend told me all this and as my kids are much younger I thought I'd ask for perspective here. My friend's little girl (Katie) is 11 and started high school in September. She's been coming home from school upset, with things missing from her pencil case. Then she said she didn't want a nice snack as "Anna will just take it." Then some perfume went missing from her bag and school friend told my friend "Anna has it all in her bedroom." And yesterday my friend looked on her daughter's iPad and there were messages addressed to HER from Anna saying "Dear Mrs. XYZ, I just wanted you to know the names we call your daughter" and a load of nasty spiteful names. The daughter was very upset but has made her swear not to go to school about it as Anna will "make her life hell." Apparently there's something else that Katie knows that she won't say, and is making her cry too. My friend seems reluctant to escalate but I think she must!

What should she do?

(Names changed, obviously!)

OP posts:

Report

LanceCorporalJones · 24/05/2016 17:54

Inform the school

curren · 24/05/2016 17:55

She needs to speak to the school ASAP. I would suggest she makes an appointment and goes in.

This level of things rarely resolve themseleves on their own

inlectorecumbit · 24/05/2016 17:55

No question she must inform the school
What a nasty little girl

Berthatydfil · 24/05/2016 17:56

She must go to the school immediately. Anna is bullying her dd and is quite blatant about it too if she's telling her mother.

Lweji · 24/05/2016 17:56

Definitely talk to the school, determine if it's true (important!) and do escalate as high as it needs to go to stop it.

RainbowCake · 24/05/2016 17:57

She certainly needs to go into school about this. I'd also forward that email to the head.
What a jumped up little madam Anna Is! Poor Katie

Catmuffin · 24/05/2016 17:58

Sounds like she's let it go on too long already and she's overdue speaking to the school.

Gazelda · 24/05/2016 17:58

It's not going to 'blow over'. Unless it's addressed, it will either get worse, or Anna will see that she's getting away with it so perhaps start bullying others as well as Katie.

IAmNotAMindReader · 24/05/2016 17:58

She should give the school 1 chance to sort it because as this message was now sent to your friend and was done over the internet she would be well within her rights to involve the police.

icanteven · 24/05/2016 18:02

That poor, poor little girl! Anna is a spiteful little horror and it needs to be escalated right away. Your friend is doing her daughter a terrible disservice if she lets her attend school even one more day without moving heaven and earth to protect her from this. Has this actually been going on since September? What on earth has been the delay here?

facebookrecruit · 24/05/2016 18:54

I am terrified of my young DD going to secondary school - she is such a sensitive little soul and the thought of her meeting an 'Anna' fills me with dread. Your friend MUST push this issue - young children are harming themselves every day because of spiteful cruel little arseholes like this and she has to fight her daughters corner!

whois · 24/05/2016 19:15

School. Obviously!

TwoLeftSocks · 24/05/2016 19:30

Definitely school. It won't just go away, if anything it will get worse unchecked as Anna knows she can get away with it.

Creasedupcrinkle · 24/05/2016 20:12

I quite agree. I'm really hoping my friend steps in and tells school everything.

OP posts:

Lymmmummy · 25/05/2016 17:38

You really have to go to th school - there is now evidence

Yes the school may or may not deal with it well - but this may be the test of whether it's a school worth staying in

This doesn't seem a one off more of a consistent targeting of the girl - if it doesn't get sorted somehow - even by change of school if necessary poor girls confidence is really going to suffer

Creasedupcrinkle · 25/05/2016 17:51

Friend has emailed the head and "named names" and the head has yet to reply. I don't know what the email said, or whether it included words like "theft" and "bullying."

My friend has never experienced bullying and seems to think this is mostly just silly childishness. I think she's wrong.

OP posts:

TwoLeftSocks · 26/05/2016 07:14

I hope she gets a reply. Given she's never been bullied (lucky her!), would it be useful to direct her to websites that explain it and how to deal with it? There's bullying.co.uk and also this page on childline includes exactly what's happening to her dd worth possessions going and name calling...

www.childline.org.uk/Explore/Bullying/Pages/Bullying.aspx

SisterKhloe · 26/05/2016 07:24

Disgraceful. I'm so sorry for the poor girl being treated so horribly. That child has nerve sending an email like that!!

ohtheholidays · 26/05/2016 07:33

Tell your friend she must always report things like this.

I used to teach and I worked with SS,it won't just go away OP and it's not a silly/petty little thing more children between the ages of 11 and 17 are self harming or worse sadly now than ever before and a huge percentage of those children that are self harming is because of bullying at school!

With theft involved tell your friend that if the school don't take it seriouslly enough she should involve the Police.My DH is a Police Officer and he and some of his friends have dealt with things like this before when a school hasn't taken a hard enough stance against the child/children that are doing the bullying.

If your friend is reluctant tell her not to be they honestly don't mind,many of them are parents themselves.My DH has said before helping children that are going through some awful things at school is one of the most satisfying jobs him and his friends get to help with.

Creasedupcrinkle · 29/05/2016 10:46

I'm horrified to report that my friend decided not to escalate it. We spoke briefly in mum-code as her daughter was listening, but the gist of it is that she thinks it will make matters worse. I also think she doesn't grasp the seriousness of this. Oddly enough her husband is VERY controlling over her and money and she can't see that either, she sort of bumbles along somehow. I've tried so hard to make her see.

OP posts:

TwoLeftSocks · 29/05/2016 17:08

Oh dear. That sounds like a messed up situation all round.

JessieMcJessie · 29/05/2016 17:15

Surely it doesn't matter now as she has informed the Head so it will be dealt with? Has she had any reply?

StarryIllusion · 29/05/2016 17:16

Do what my mum did. Loiter across from the school, follow Anna home and enlighten her mother about her little darling's activities.

witchofzog · 29/05/2016 17:18

If you feel able you are ideally going to need to take the hardline with your friend. It is her responsibility to escalate this or it WILL get worse. I feel very sad for poor Katie whose mother is being so pathetic over this. My own mother was like this, didn't want to rock the boat, and trust me I do not respect her for all the times she just let things go when she should have been stepping up for her kids. Poor Katie . A screenshot needs to be taken of the messages from Anna and your friend should be demanding action be taken immediately. And I second involving the police too

kiwimumof2boys · 30/05/2016 11:24

Yeah totally agree with witch. Poor Katie.

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