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To not understand why this is an issue?

(271 Posts)
artlessflirt Tue 24-May-16 17:05:24

I'll try and be brief.

DD is nearly 7 months. DP works irregular shifts.

My friend bought me tickets to see Rocky Horror at the theatre on Saturday. It's been arranged for about 4 months. I asked DPs SIL to look after DD. She accepted and was v.enthusiastic about having her overnight and obviously I was very grateful.

Told DP this and he was adamant that he would pick her up after the theatre (he is also coming but going home afterwards, whereas I was going to have a night out). Except that means I have to be back for 8:30am the morning after whereas I was planning on picking her up about midday from SIL.

I have told DP that SIL has no problems with looking after DD, she has two kids of her own so isn't a novice either. DP has just said he doesn't mind picking DD up after the theatre, and that's the end of the conversation.

I don't get it? I don't understand why he is so set on picking DD up, thus forcing me to have to get home to look after her. I very rarely get time 'off' and was very much looking forward to a bit of a blow out, but now will have to be mindful of not staying out too late or drinking too much. confusedconfused

RiverCambs Tue 24-May-16 17:09:29

Sounds like he's being an arse to me!

GeorgeTheThird Tue 24-May-16 17:12:19

Why do you have to get home? Is he working or incompetent ?

curren Tue 24-May-16 17:12:27

Either he is just enjoying being an arse and doesn't want you to enjoy the night.

Or he has concerns. Either about your Sil or about your Dd staying out.

Many mothers stress about their babies staying out. It's not that unusual for a father to worry or not want the baby to stay out.

Only you know the type of person he is. Surely you suspect why?

My dh is a good bloke (definitely not perfect), my gut reaction would be that he was concerned and not trying to ruin my night out.

What do you think the issue is.

HeartShapedBox Tue 24-May-16 17:12:35

Tell him no, you're having a night out and won't be available to take over at 8.30am, end of.

Pinkheart5915 Tue 24-May-16 17:12:41

I don't get your DH problem, He's being weird!

I'd still go out after as planned after the show if DH wants to pick baby up fine but I wouldn't be going with him.

Surely your baby would be safe with SIL and you say she's happy to have her and I'm sure she'd have a great time with Auntie.

ijustwannadance Tue 24-May-16 17:15:40

Tell him you are having a night out with a well deserved lie in and he is being an utter gobshite.

ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism Tue 24-May-16 17:16:22

Is it possible your DH knows something about his sister that you don't?
My DH misses the babies just as much as I do on the rare occasion we leave them with someone… that's natural, but he shakes it off because he trusts his siblings/parents if they have the babies

SapphireStrange Tue 24-May-16 17:17:57

I don't get why you have to be back for 8.30 in this scenario. Is your DP working early the next day?

Anyway, he doesn't get to dictate whether or not you can have a nice night out. Just tell him no, you're sticking to the original plan of SIL taking DD for a bit and you picking her up around noon the next day.

Osolea Tue 24-May-16 17:19:01

He doesn't want you to go out. Tell him that you are sticking to the plan you've already made, and if he wants to look after dd in the morning then he's welcome to, but you won't be so if he's insisting on picking dd up, then he'll have to get the morning off work.

jamaisjedors Tue 24-May-16 17:19:14

Dh is like this. He doesn't like to leave the DC with other people overnight and certainly wouldn't have agreed for a baby.

PirateFairy45 Tue 24-May-16 17:19:41


MilkTwoSugarsThanks Tue 24-May-16 17:21:24

He's doing it to stop you from having a proper night out without having to admit he's a twat.

dodobookends Tue 24-May-16 17:24:23

What Osolea said. You arranged childcare so you could have a night out. If he has decided to change your plans, then he will be the one who has to look after dc in the morning, not you.

And also... er... no, don't ask him - tell him!

whois Tue 24-May-16 17:32:24

Why do you have to be ready to look after her at 8.30?

Tell your DP you had arranged child care until midday Sunday and if he's going to break that arrangement he better be looking after her until that same time.

artlessflirt Tue 24-May-16 17:33:40

Thanks all. Am entrenched in the witching hour(s) at the moment but will reply properly after bedtime.

I have asked him but he's so evasive. I have no misgivings about SIL, bit nervy about DD being away over night but she sleeps well and SIL has had her before in the day so not too concerned.

Hassled Tue 24-May-16 17:34:00

I suspect MilkTwoSugars is right. But you need a proper discussion about it.

HermioneJeanGranger Tue 24-May-16 17:36:03

Tell him you won't be back for. 8.30am and as he took it upon himself to cancel your childcare, he needs to make new arrangements for DD as you won't be there.

Thumbcat Tue 24-May-16 17:39:00

Just tell him fine but that if he needs to be going out at 8.30 the next morning he'll need to arrange childcare as you won't be there.

BillSykesDog Tue 24-May-16 17:40:50

Can't he drop her off to SIL at 8:30?

FetchezLaVache Tue 24-May-16 17:43:39

From experience, it's more of a pain in the arse to hand the child back late at night than to just let them sleep over. SIL will have to stay up until whatever time the theatre finishes and then there'll be all the fun of transferring a peacefully sleeping baby- twice! It's unfair on SIL and DD, and it's REALLY unfair on OP. I agree with those who think he's only doing it to stop you having a night out.

Brightnorthernlights Tue 24-May-16 17:43:42

I'm confused, where is he going at 8 30 the next day? Work ?

eddielizzard Tue 24-May-16 17:47:09

tell him you're looking forward to a lie in with him and what really good reason does he have for you not getting it?

ivykaty44 Tue 24-May-16 17:52:12

If your dh wants to take over the child care arrangements - let him.

Go and enjoy yourself and tell your dh to sort out any other arrangements as you will not be available until ..

Furiosa Tue 24-May-16 17:55:05

artlessflirt could it be that your DH is nervous about your DD being away overnight?

I had a plan to leave DC1 with the PIL's while Dh and I went out for a night when he was 6 months old. By the time it came to go out I just couldn't bring myself to be away from him!

Maybe your Dh feels the same?

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