Lately I have been feeling sensations of guilt.
Guilt about my son. That he has an allergy. That he gets all kids of bugs all the time. That I work fulltime so get about 2-3 hours max a day with him in the week. Guilt that sometimes I cant wait for him to go to bed or me to go to work so I can get some peace.
Guilt about my husband. That he takes a lot of shit from me. That he is still there 12 years on and I often treat him like shit. That he feels too proud to tell me when he's struggling. That we seem to have drifted apart.
Guilt about my Mum. That she looks after our son 3 days a week. That she always looks so knackered. That sometimes I feel like she's telling me the same thing for the millionth time. That she keeps catching bugs.
No idea what I expect from this post but I feel so guilty about things/people all the time and I don't know what to do.
My mum always says she is fine and enjoys looking after our son. That yes, she is tired but it doesn't matter.
My husband and I had a bit of a heart to heart this weekend and we admitted we are both struggling as parents and are taking our stresses out on one another and that we will try to be more of a team.
I still feel like a horrid person.
Take today, my mum said my son has been upset and off quite a lot because he is poorly (ear infection). She said he has had happy moments too like when he was looking at and pointing to a helicopter flying past asking what it was. I feel shit for missing that.
I get where you’re at as I had those guilt trips myself. I was 30 when I had my first and I didn’t want to give up my job. I took full advantage of maternity leave “and-some!!” but I did not want to go back to struggling financially. I’m sure you’ve heard it a million times “kids are resilient, they adapt, accept and get on with whatever circumstance they’re brought up in” well the good news is it’s true. The guilt you are feeling is self imposed. Flip it! What if you were with your Son 24/7 but forced to micro-manage finances because you’d no income. Imagine living off State Benefits and choosing between “Eating & Heating” how poorly could your child be then? – There’s nothing wrong with us “Hunter-Gatherer” Mothers you know!
I’m going to let you into a little secret of mine? Get yourself off to Amazon and with your “hard earned” treat yourself to a copy of “One Minute Mother” – Yes it’s from that awful series of books that sold Squillions Worldwide , H O W E V E R this book is fantastic and helped me deal with all those guilt trips, especially when I read the “Three Secrets of Parenting” - Of Course parenting doesn’t take a minute but when you’ve grasped the concept of what the book is telling you, as well as all the contained practical advice I’m certain that if you are like I was it will be a revelation to you. Go on! Give it a go and blog back you think. You won’t regret it that’s for sure.
Unfortunately, the guilt does seem to raise it's ugly head when you become a parent. My mum (who also tells me the same things a million times and it IS annoying!) used to tell me that I needed to work to put a roof over my son's head and feed him. And that was my first priority, to him to keep him fed and warm. The time I had left after that was there to be spent with him. Your ds will grow up having a close bond with his granny and that's such a fantastic relationship to have. You will be wishing your son's bedtime could be earlier some days, we all feel that way sometimes.
Your post was so touching - you are thinking about everyone else's needs and your's barely got a mention. You sound very selfless. Try talking to your mum and dh and it will improve. Also, as children grow, it gets easier I promise!
Thanks MrsBob I just worry about the pressure on everyone.
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