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To feel annoyed at people who fall out with me if I won't do as they say?

(11 Posts)
SpottyDogsAndSpiders Tue 24-May-16 12:30:58

This has happened to me several times in the past few years, where I've refused to do as someone orders me to do, and then they end up falling out with me and turning it into a huge issue, just because I wouldn't toe the line.

About 2 years ago a friend (who was always quite demanding anyway) phoned me up out of the blue one Saturday and said her car was in the garage but she fancied going shopping in X city, which is about 35 miles away, and so could I go too so that I could drive her there and that she'd give me 'some petrol money'. When I said that I couldn't do that as DH and I were off out for the day with the DCs, she went mad, told me never to speak to her again and slammed the phone down, and has blanked me since and made a point of ignoring me if I see her and of bitching about me to mutual friends.

Then last year another friend organised a night out for a few of us and had decided that I was going to drive so that everyone else, including her, could drink. I refused to drive and said I wanted to drink, so surely we could all share a taxi. And she too went off on one, uninvited me on the night out, and hasn't spoken to me since.

And now I have an issue currently. DD (10) has recently had issues with a school friend of hers, and has been coming home upset regularly. Out of the blue about a week ago the other girl's mum phoned me and said that DD is upsetting her DD at school and that she wants me to punish DD and get DD to write a note of apology to her daughter. I said that DD had been upset too and that girls of that age do often fall in and out with each other, and that it would perhaps be good to get together with the girls to iron things out. The mum said no, I had to punish DD.

And now, because I refused to do as she said based solely on her side of the story, she too is not talking to me and is making a huge deal about ignoring me at school pick ups, and moving away from where I stand. She has also been moaning about me to other mums, as a couple have asked me what I've done to upset her! I replied "Nothing except refused to do as she said".

Why do I always get this from people? I spent my school years being bossed around by a friend too who used to ignore me if I didn't do as she said (even down to doing things that would get me in trouble, that she wanted me to do as she didn't want to get in trouble), and would also turn others against me.

I'm not a wallflower and I'm not an unassertive person, but I'm not aggressive or rude, just kind of normal really I suppose.

AIBU to be annoyed/upset about it all?

TheNaze73 Tue 24-May-16 12:38:02

YANBU. She sounds batshit. Take no shot from anyone. If these flaky people can't deal with it, you're better off without them

SquinkiesRule Tue 24-May-16 12:42:37

You seem to attract them. They must think your are easily bullied about for some reason and get a bit of a shock when you don't toe the line. Do you usually go along with them when you are first friends?

MadamDeathstare Tue 24-May-16 12:45:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EveryoneElsie Tue 24-May-16 12:46:33

YANBU, an I have the same problem much to my families amusement.
One woman wigged out at me so badly she had my handwriting analysed to prove i actually secretly hated her, then went around telling everyone.

I have another micro drama brewing with a new acquaintance who keeps trying to get me to start internet campaigns against various neighbours.

these people are self entitled and bat shit, dont let them bother you.

BillSykesDog Tue 24-May-16 12:50:14

If this happens I suspect that you are probably too nice and it's a case of 'Give 'em an inch and they take a mile'. So you are normally very amenable and tend to say yes so people get in to the habit of expecting you to say yes so they ask for more and more outrageous things.

I think you should start practicing saying 'No' more regularly.

Onlyicanclean10 Tue 24-May-16 12:54:07

^^ to Bill

AugustaFinkNottle Tue 24-May-16 13:11:38

I fear that you attract users. I suspect you're well aware that you're better off with the two people who demanded a lift out of your life, and that there's nothing you can do to appease pushy parent if she wouldn't accede to your entirely sensible suggestion. Don't worry about it, move on and stick with the non-users.

eatsleephockeyrepeat Tue 24-May-16 13:33:41

I guess I'd better ask, do you have some potentially offensive way of expressing yourself to people that isn't explicit here? Just on the off chance, if you have this feeling that people are trying to "make you do what they say" you might not be responding in a particularly friendly way to a friend making a cheeky request.

If I had a friend who was the type to always be doing favours for people (as I would for them), and one day I thought "god, I could really use a favour; I wonder if spotty's busy?" and you came back at me with "I'm not going to do what you say just because you tell me to!" and got on mega defensive saying you "refuse" and accusing me of trying to make you do things... well... I might not want to talk to you again. And I might tell our other friends you went totally cray cray over a simple request when you could just have said no.

Not saying for one second that's what's happening here just, you know, throwing it out there. (Awaits flaming)

SpottyDogsAndSpiders Tue 24-May-16 13:54:14

Oh god no, definitely not like that! No no! LOL

pattysgotastropon Tue 24-May-16 15:09:12

I have this, well not the ignoring but people thinking they can tell me what to do and I'll just do it. For me i think it's because i'm pretty laid back and easy going (and also generally just nice) but some people view it as me being a push-over and find it surprising when i say no to stuff. I wouldn't let it annoy you. If people choose to have a strop because they are not flexible enough to see your point of view, then they are probably people you don't want in your life anyway.

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